Awakened Soul

Mom's birthday

"You look wonderful."

Oh, it was like music to my ear.

I know some of my friends think I'm being overly dramatic and too desperate towards love. We'll, I admit it's true. I get told being too sensitive over small things. When things do not go in hand, I panic. I admire perfections but dislike disorganization. I'm 'very' particular with tidiness and I have this weird obsession of keeping my body fit. I guess these are the little things why most misunderstand me.

I was raised with a perfect family. Perfect. It's how I think it all started. It's a kind of thing when having eyes on me 24/7, in which, I barely lose my power to seal my secrecy. Expectations and too much pressure have become my enemies why I cannot do more and, cannot maintain my place being 'on the top'. I'm blessed to have all the things whatever I want ⎼ signature clothes, branded pair of shoes and expensive bags. I have a complete set of jewelries my parents will give me each of my birthdays. I drive my own Porsche since I had turned 16, but I simply just walk when going to my campus anyway. I don't like spending a lot of money so I save my gasoline allowance.

I was totally pampered growing up with two maids who look after me. However, I do not like whenever my dad opens up the idea of me moving out to Mexico to pursue my studies in America; thanks to mom who let me enter to college at one of the 'best' state universities in the city where we stay. Mom knows it was all for Ross. It was all for him and I didn't lie about it. I, being honest with her, is the best thing she likes about me. It's what she always says. I'm thankful having a mom who is responsible and ambitious. I wish I was too good and skillful as her, now that we own more than a hundred restaurants around the country; she manages alone all of them because my dad is ill.

I told mom everything about how Ross and I met 12 years ago; we were only 8 by then, when he and his mom bought me an ice cream because I was too clumsy to drop off mine without knowing. It was the most horrible experience of me as a kid going to a*****e without any of my family, plus I don't have any extra money with me to get another ice cream.

Nevertheless, I have one thing I'm lacking of. I do not have the kind of self–esteem. I have more insecurities than most of women in my class. I was called "Dolly" as having to look almost alike with Barbie. My eyes are round and black like midnight. I have a heart-shaped face almost perfect in figure while my nose and lips were finely honed, as if I've gone through some plastic surgeries.

Hmm.

I still don't think I'm blessed though. I've been bullied from having a physique that seemed to look ideal for many.

"You look very . . . lovely." he repeated.

I bowed my head a little. I couldn't stop smiling. He rarely gives compliments especially to my looks he only speaks about how good I am in class. But now? I don't know what has changed. Wait. . . No! I know he only thinks I look good on my dress which has been customized by dad for me to wear on this evening.

My dad is somewhat okay on his other sides.

"I'm glad you came." little he knows I have not slept enough because I planned so much for this. I wanted to look beautiful to him to notice me. Just me, like I'm the one celebrating the birthday.

"I did." he smiles. "Oh! I came along with Moxie."

It's my second time to see him on his tuxedo. Last time was during my eighteenth birthday where he was the last person to dance me after dad. From those of his stares and from his touches around my body felt just like a dream but was really a reality.

"Hi." Moxie greeted. "'It's . . . so nice in here." she looked around to examine the environment where as busy as everybody on their dresses and cocktails.

"Thank you. You look pretty on your dress." I told her. It was true. She is exceptionally beautiful even without anything on her face. "Royal blue is my favorite."

"Your house is literally hu⎼"

Ross moves his arm behind her before she could finish her sentence.

"Shhh!"

I swear, she must be really lucky to have a brother who protects her.

Life is indeed unfair. I have money but I cannot have everything.

"We better get inside. It's getting cold out here." then, I led them to go in.

***

The house has filled mostly with people I know only on their faces but not their names or them personally. It was actually my dad's idea for her.

"Was it the reason why you were out two days ago?" he puts his drink on the counter and takes a bite size of chocolate cake in the box. "I thought you ditched class."

"I knew you're gonna say that but honestly, I just bought something for mom."

"I got your letter in the best way!"

"Ya!" Haha

"Hey, are you sure you don't need anything . . . you're not hungry at all?"

"I'm good." he fixes his eyes onto mine like he wanted to tell something.

"I can make you⎼"

"I know how much you wanted to leave . . . or maybe it was just you dad who tells you

that. . . I don't know." he says. "I don't want to lose you but, what can I do? It's going to happen."

I hold back a little, "W-why are you this saying this to me?"

"Because you're important to me. . ."

Am I?

After all, it was all I wanted to hear.

But why didn't he tell me that before?

"Ross."

He moves his head to see someone from my back,

"Moxie!"

"H-hi, Mom! you got us startled. W-what are you doing here?" I asked.

"Niki." she welcomes me with kisses on both my cheeks. Her dress has stolen our attention because of so much bling on her. She's wearing a red rose lipstick paired on her shoes.

"Honey, I think I'm supposed to ask you that. What are you two doing in the kitchen?" she said in her most Spanish accent.

"Uhmm. . . I was just getting him something . . . and it's loud in there so we stay here a little bit." I answer.

"We've been looking for you." she tossed her hair on the back of her shoulder." "Your dad is on the phone."

Psh. Here I go again. I know what he is going to say.

I look back at him and say, "Please excuse me. I'll be right back."

My mom follows me on my way out while I left Ross and Moxie stood in the kitchen unaware of the commotion.

I'm sorry but I have to do this.

I felt my mom's hand on my shoulder.

"Honey, you need to talk to him."