Love is a Dangerous Game

Nearly Giving Up (4)

I stayed in my room for hours on end, completely embarrassed and regretful of my existence. I refused to talk to my aunt, and lay in my bed staring at nothing. My body wouldn’t produce tears because I cried everything out. I wouldn’t write Lawrence… I’d live my life as a siren, and never experience real love for as long I lived.

Unfortunately, the full moon was coming in a couple days. As a siren, because we are deadly enchantresses, we must separate ourselves from any civilization. Sirens are bloodthirsty creatures. To prepare for the cycle of the moon, we stalk up on meat to satisfy our monster needs. We also bathe and swim more often in big bodies of water. We salvage in the ocean during our transformations.

So, my aunt and I removed ourselves from the world, and into the ocean.

“Are you ready?” Faith asked me. We stood on the shoreline, hand in hand, awaiting our call to the ocean. This was the first time I had talked to my aunt in days. I didn’t realize how much Lawrence meant to me until I read that letter. However, I was still debating if it was him I really missed, or love.

I nodded and cleared my throat. “Yes.” I declared. I was a siren. I was strong, and I would live my life beautifully and proudly.

It’s time. The ocean called out to us, to come home. We had changed into our “siren dresses”, that were given to us by the ocean’s children. The seahorses, eels, crab, and fish belonged to her, and were the only reason other than us the ocean thrives still. We slowly and delicately made our way into the ocean’s waves. Our long hair and light dresses blew in the wind. Welcome home. I laugh to myself sarcastically. I was born a siren, never to experience the happiness and love any human would. All because I belong to the ocean and her chain-like waves. Thinking over all my despair I’ve gone through, my tears mix with the salt as we enter her waters more deeply. What is wrong? The ocean asks. She can understand us, not quite like humans do. She can hear our thoughts, speak with us, and she nurtures us, giving us a shelter for our hideous selfs.

“It is nothing.” I counter. My aunt turns to me slowly. I close my eyes, pushing any thoughts of Lawrence and my sadness, to the very core of my mind, with all the strength I might own.

“She is having troubles.” My aunt replies. I understand she has good intentions to protect me and help me, but it still hurts. I choke back my tears. “It is nothing you must worry about -”

It is a boy, isn’t it? Lorelai? I can read you. You know you can’t hide things from me. The ocean hisses. His name is Lawrence… and he has pursued you. You’ve grown closer to him in a short amount of time -

“Stop!!” I scream into her murky distant waters. “I never asked for this life!” I shiver. Suddenly the warmth of her waves has disappeared. “Why must we isolate ourselves from humans?! Why must we suffer for your well being? Why do we suffer the persecution, the shame, the hate?! I can’t experience love, or even life!” My aunt stared at me in horror. The ocean’s waves were frigid and cold. I tried to turn and exit her binds, but the current tied my arms and legs together, trapping me. My aunt did not speak or intervene to my imprisonment. She only gawked, ashamed, like my mother once did.

You will never snap at me, your savior, again! You will obey your orders and live your life as a siren. You will never encounter that boy again. If you do -

All of a sudden, I couldn’t breath. I was choking on the water, gurgling with no power to save myself. Oxygen then flew through my body, and the ocean ended her statement with the gruesome word. Death! She let go of my arms and legs, releasing me from my temporary bondage. I thought to myself, death would be nothing but mercy. I turned to leave back to the beach house when the ocean growled, and death to the boy as well.

My aunt stayed in the ocean for the remaining days of the month. I locked myself in my bathroom when I transformed, which fortunately distracted me from Lawrence. Thankfully, when I wasn’t in the ocean, She couldn’t read my thoughts, and had no connection with me at all.

The transformation was more painful this time. Sharp fangs grew out of my gums slowly. My bones hyperextended in my sleep, waking me up with a pang of discomfort and torment. And, to end it all, my misery and heartache. Why was this sweet boy affecting me so terribly? I only spent a day with him. One wonderful day. He made me feel normal, actually human. A beautiful human with flaws that one who loves you appreciates. Lawrence appreciated me. And at this moment of pondering, I realized how much I loved him. At least, as a friend.

Dear Lawrence,

I want to sincerely thank you for your friendship towards me. You were right, we do each share a darker past. However, I am reluctant to share more with you over mail. I am unavailable at the moment, but I would love to see you again. Your the brightest star in my life right now. The only person who can sincerely make me smile, make me laugh, is you, Lawrence. You are the closest thing I have to a friend.

So, If you’ll meet me where we met on the second day of our knowing each other, on July 10th at noon, I would like to speak with you. Please come, so I don’t get into trouble for nothing.

To tell you the truth, I really miss you Lawrence. You were so kind to me. I can’t stop thinking about you, and what we could possibly become. I know, I’m probably being silly to even think this… but I can’t help myself. Hopefully, I’ll see you soon.

Sincerely,

Lorelai

“I’ll see you soon.” I whispered.”Lawrence.” Then, I pushed any thoughts I had to the back of my mind, and entered the ocean in order to thrive as a siren.

I see you’ve returned.

“Yes. I had to.”

Because you need me. I’m the source of all life. Especially yours. So don’t turn away.

I could feel my anger towards her surfacing again, but resisted the urge to scream at her. Instead I answered, “Yes.”

So, until the day I was to reunite with my last hope, I kept to myself and lived my life in silent desperation.