The hardest part

Time stands still

Its been three long ass days since mommas appointment. I call her and ask if she has heard from her doctor. She hasnt so I tell her ill call. She isnt feeling well today and she swelling a little. She tells me shes tired and she wants to lay down.

I get off the phone and cry a little as im dailing the Levine cancer centers number.

It rings three times and a nurse picks up "Goodmorning Levines how may I direct your call?"

Hello my name Elizabeth im calling in regards to my mothers test results her names is Ann Morton." I say

Oh yes ma'am im sorry we called your mother this morning but she didnt answer. I do apologize to give you this information over the phone but she has bile duct cancer and its in the finally stage. She will still start chemo as planned." the nurse replies.

"Thank you." I say behind tears

I hang up the phone and cry for a minute as I prepare to call my momma and tell her. My heart is broken and I know hers will be.

The Call to Momma

I dail her number she picks up "Hello" she says "Hey momma how are you feeling?" I ask.

"Im tired but I'm ok. How is my baby girl girl and the babies?" she ask.

"We are ok. Momma I have something to tell you." I choke.

"What is it baby girl" I hear her sweet voice say

I called the doctor office and your blood work is back".... I let the words fade away... "Tell me baby girl" I lowly hear her say.

"Momma its stage 4 bile duct cancer. Its a very aggressive cancer. They said they still want to continue with the treatmeant plan that was made." I cry and when I say cry Im balling. Yall this woman is my everything. Shes a single mother to 3 children well now grown adults with 8 biological grandchildren. She raised me and my brother by herself. She worked and provided everything we needed. Shes amazing. She just turned 64 seven days ago.

I hear her voice say "Its ok we got this. I love you im going to make a few calls will you call your aunts."

Yes momma I will and me and the kids will be up in a few to see you I love you." I say

I love you baby girl" she says and hangs up.

I call my aunts and get tell them. We cry and I tell them momma isnt feeling well and she said she will call them in a bit. we say our I love yous and laters. My family well my momma has a thing were she doeant say bye she say later or just I love you and hangs up. So I grew up saying later thats what sounds right to me.

Come on littles lets eat so we can get ready and go see mawmaw. My 2 little ones come running down the hall followed by the 2 bigs ones. I laugh " All my littles even my big littles. They laugh and hug me. I fix them some sandwiches cause well thats what they wanted. PB&Js it is. We eat i clean them up and make them get thier shoes on or find them. once we are all dressed and on the way out the door almost 2 hours after my call to momma this morning. Im getting the kids loaded up. My boyfriend pulls up.....

Can it get Worse...

"f**k" I say in my head to only find out I said it out loud as well."

Just where the f**k do you think your going you f*****g whore." he screams at me.

"Lock the doors and dont open them but for me" I tell my oldest son.

He does as I say amd I turn my attention back to Chad.

"Im going to see my momma she got some bad news this morning and I told her me and the kids would come see her. But to be honest im grown and this is my van so I can go where I please." I say kinda prissy...

Fuck you you dumb hoe I hope you die. I hope you wreck your van and die you stupid ass hoe. Dumb ass stupid ass w***e. He screams at me.

He doesnt try anything cause hes in trouble from the other night. He went to jail and they took a restraining order out on him the night of the 10th the day my momma was suppose to go to the doctor but it was a confusion.

I leave thankful he doesnt try anything.

When we get to momma the older ones help me get the younger ones out amd we head in. "Hey mawmaw" they say joyfully and run over to her. "Hey babies I missed yall I love yall." she smiles and says to them. They all love on her , they tell her what they been doing and she listens, smiles, laughs, giggle, tickles and plays with them. She starts looking tired so I ask the to go play with some toys in the other room. "ok mommy" they all say and run off.

"How are you feeling momma" I ask. im tired but im ok. I want to lay down will you get me a cover and my pillow" she ask

"Yes ma'am" I say and get them.

I get her laid down and kiss her forehead "im going to cook some supper for you. Lay down and rest Im going to clean the kitchen too." I say

She dozes off and I head to the kitchen. i clean it up amd start cooking. I cook her porkchops mash taters and green beans. I let her sleep as I clean up the rest of the kitchen and wash what I used. i make her plate and put the leftovers in the microwave.

"Momma are you hungry" I ask her. "No I wanna sleep a while" she sleepy responds. "Ok im going to put your food in the mircowave with the others and me and the kids are going to head home so You can rest. do You need anything before I leave" I ask.

"Will you pour me some sundrop and get my medicine for me" she asks.

"Yes ma'am I will momma." I say

I do as she asked and kiss her head "Get some sleep ill call you in a little bit. I love you momma of you need me jut call me ok." I say.

"I will baby girl I love you she ,tells the babies "she loves them "and they all kiss her and she returns each one a kiss with 2 of her own. They smile and tell her they love her and run out to get loaded up.

Heading home I cry but pull it together for my kids tgis is hard seeing her suffer knowing I cant help the pain go away. It break my heart. I say a prayer and hope for the best.