The hardest part

The appointment

My boyfriend came home drunk again and hit me got in my face yelled and screamed amd cussed me. Called me awful names and said awful stuff but the worse thing that came out of his mouth is that my momma was sick because I was a bad daughter. Even though this asshole wont let me go visit her. So she lives with my ex husband... not my fault she helped raise him. She loves him like hes hers but she is my momma and shes sick. She was supposed to go her appt today but was mistaken so we got to go back tomorrow. His excuse for drinking i went to her house. She is my momma and shes sick f**k this I say as I try to walk off.... I didnt get far..... That night ended in jail time for him and well pain, a black eye, bruises and a broken heart There I was 31 standing in front of the mirrow bruises on my body and face scared to admit this is a bad situation and thinking he really loves me......

She held her kids a little closer that night her momma was on her mind and her boyfriend.... Why was he so mean... why is her momma sick.... why is life so hard and hectic....

she closes her eyes and dozes off

Her head jerks up suddenly as she is awoken by the sound of breaking glass... her hearts beating out of her chest as she opens her bedroom door to see whats going on. Its too dark she doesnt see anything as she steps out she closes her bedroom door behind her. Come hell or high water she was going to protect her kids. she turn a light on and still seen no one or the broken glass she continued down the hall into her sons rooms the first one was clear she headed to the second and could see someone trying to get it. It was her boyfriend.... Drunk.... she shakes her head and turns on the light he jumps surprised... "what are you doing"shes says

Chad says "well you wouldnt open the door."

she looks at him as if hes stupid and says " Chad it is like 3 am I have four sleeping kids which have to go to school tomorrow I dont have time to do this. Go back to your moms and leave me alone." Chad gets all pissed off and starts coming thru the window faster as he cussing " stupid b****h this is my house to I help with bills I should beat the f**k out of you dumb hoe. I hate you. Your so f*****g stupid like why you got to be stupid." Standing there looking him directly in the eys she says " Just how the F#&k am I the stupid one. You drunk hanging half way in a window you broke a window that you will replace. I was asleep you coukd have came back in the morning either leave or ill call the police my kids are asleep and your not gonna come in amd wake them up or hurt me or them." He starts to say something when a cars headlights come over the hill its a cop car. Look just take your ass home and go to sleep,me and the kids have school and work in the morning and no time to be dealing with you because you want to drink and act stupid. I love You but im too old to be doing all this. He climbs out of the window mubbling something she cuts the light off and heads back to bed. Thankful he didnt come in or hurt her. she sits on the end of her bed and lights a cig and a bl#÷t and smokes. She puts them out as she lays down with her babies and thanks god for her kids and that her boyfriend didnt hurt them or her tonight she also prays for her mommas health. Tears roll down her face as she closes her eyes and goes to sleep.

The Day of Mommas Appointment.....

Today is the day she been awaiting trying to find out whats going on with her mom. She loads her kids up amd heads to her mommas house kinda taking her time because she scared. she pulls in the driveway and turns the car off. she opens her door and starts to get oit as her momma comes out on the back porch. Goodmorning baby girl im glad you made it on time. I smile at her I love ot when she calls me baby girl thats her nick name for me. (Im the middle child I have an older sister and a younger brother.) Me and my momma have always been closer. I open the back door and start getting the kids out. They run to momma smiling and giggling. Shes the worlds best momma but an even better mawmaw. My heart smiles as she loves on them amd they head inside. My ex husband is sitting on the couch the kids run in and start loving on thier daddy.

Momma and I snuck out of the house and started to the doctor. I stopped by the store and got her a cold drink. We pulled into the parking lot my momma looks at me and smiles and jokingly says "can we just go home?" I smile and say lets do this momma.

Checking in was crazy so many questions.... We get set down amd the waiting room and im praying that my momma isnt sick sick.... her comes a nurse they call her name and we head back to a room. as were sitting in the room my momma tells me shes worried. she had cancer once back 15 years ago and had surgery to remove it. the door slowly opens and a older man steps in.

"Hey there yall im doctor Smith" he says and closes the door behind him. "Ok so im going to get right down to it." he says" you have cancer and pretty bad. Im not sure yet on the kind we will run blood work and know within 3 days. We are going to treat it like pancreatic cancer and start chemo. we will schedule and appointment to have a pic line put in for the chemo." My mouth drops open my eyes fill with tears i look at my momma and she looks as if she knew already.... he says "do you have any questions." im speechless I dont say a word my momma just as brave as always says "no sir thank you."

Sitting In The Car In Front of the Office...

"Momma i am so sorry. Are you ok?."

My momma turns and looks at me with her beautiful green eyes full of tears and says "im going to fight this baby girl. I am scared but if its my time its my time."

Trying my best not to cry i say ill be here every step of the way momma I promise.

We head back to her house to start making phone calls to let everyone know. she starts with some and I start with the others. There are tears and sadness but also hope, prayers, and love. After everyone knows and mommas all settled I get the kids and start getting them ready. I Kiss momma on the head and whisper "I love you so much woman" so I dont wake her but shes awake and hugs me and says "I love you babygirl"

I hold back tears as I walk out and get the kids loaded up.