LOVING THE MADMAN

The Ugly Truth

TROY

Sometimes, what I remembered most vividly in my nightmares wasn’t the pain.

It was cold.

The blood-freezing, blistering cold.

I felt it in my bones, in the hollows of my chest, and in every breath I took.

It made no sense how my mind chose to preserve that feeling and not the face of the woman who had left me there.

Sometimes I caught flickers of her voice in my dreams. But with each year that passed, she faded, until all that remained was the cold.

And the pain.

On other nights, it was the memory of punishment that awoke me… the excruciating sting of silver slicing into my flesh.

Silver. Our poison.

Before I found Dregoth, my wolf, my life had been miserable.

I was raised by the Accursed.

Their Luna, Mara, claimed she'd heard my cries in the forest one freezing night and took me in.

But their name wasn't just a warning. It was a truth.

They were monsters… outcasts for a reason.

As a child, I thought their cruelty was normal. As I grew older, I realized it wasn’t discipline. It was madness.

I could still feel the burning heat of silver when Fugrak, their Alpha, my so-called foster father, ordered warriors to hold me down as he dragged a silver-tipped spear down my back. It was punishment for choosing to spare a deserter instead of killing him and then consuming his flesh.

That pain of my flesh being torn… my blood being poisoned, the sound of my own screams, was what woke me.

I jolted upright on the hard floor, flinging off the blanket tangled around me.

I didn’t even bother sleeping on the bed anymore. The floor was better.

Beds were for people who felt peace in their sleep.

Not me.

Getting up, I walked to the fridge, pulled out a bottle of water, and downed it in a few gulps. Next, I walked into the shower and turned on the spray, tilting my head back as the warm water hit my face.

I saw a flash of silver hair and blue eyes.

I shook my head, like I could physically drive the image out of my skull. But it remained.

One f*****g day.

I’d seen her for just one day, and I couldn’t get her out of my goddamn mind.

Years… years of building walls, of isolating my feelings, of sticking to rules I swore never to break, and I’d nearly torn them all down in a single night.

That dress.

Those lips.

The annual festival was two weeks ago, and I thought she’d have faded from memory by now, but being suspended from work only made it worse. I had too much time on my damn hands.

The reason for my five-month suspension was simple. I’d acted recklessly. Unprofessionally.

I’d done something I would never have done if I’d been thinking straight. But I hadn’t.

The bastard had opened his mouth and said those filthy words about her.

I killed him for it. And I'd been very discreet.

Towards the end of the event when he went to relieve himself, I followed him.

No one saw it happen, at least, not until the festival was over and some staffer stumbled on the body.

The man’s Alpha, Victor, pulled out of the alliance with Zephyr, pissed off that we'd promised not to spill blood that day, and yet we had.

He'd also done it so as not to escalate the situation. Well, even if he had chosen to escalate the situation by starting a blood feud, he'd have lost. Woefully.

The Wrath Pack was the most powerful in the territory.

Zephyr was just as mad at me for disobeying his order.

So now I had five months and a memory I couldn’t shake of a petite, platinum blonde who’d somehow burned herself into my brain.

"Kiss me, Troy." She'd pleaded.

I groaned, my d**k growing hard at the memory.

Athena. f*****g Athena.

How had one woman managed to etch herself so deeply into my memory in such a short time?

Her voice still rang in my head.

The look in her eyes. The desperation in her tone.

I didn’t know how I’d managed to resist her, but somehow, I had.

And it unsettled me.

The pull I felt toward her, the need, the f*****g urge… It was too much, and it was too soon.

I hoped to hell it wasn’t the mating bond. That s**t was dangerous. Binding.

In all my thirty years, I’d never had a mate. And I’d liked it that way.

I wasn’t ready to belong to anyone. No matter how drawn to her I was.

If it was the bond, I’d have to reject her so she could find someone else.

But rejection came with consequences—ones I wouldn’t wish on Athena, not even in my darkest hours.

So, for both our sakes, I hoped it wasn’t the bond.

It was too early to tell.

Turning off the shower and drying myself, I left the bathroom and slipped into a pair of sleep pants, grabbing a pack of cigarettes and my lighter before stepping out onto the balcony.

Two large buildings in the compound were dedicated strictly to the staff of the mansion.

One was for the bodyguards and patrol team. The other was for the domestic staff, including cooks, cleaners, and gardeners.

Both buildings stood side by side.

Leaning against the banister, I lit a cigarette and stared out into the night air, trying to clear my head.

It was one of the few things that calmed me down on restless nights like this—the peace and quiet found only in the wee hours of the morning.

After a few drags of smoke, the door next to mine opened, and Garrett stepped out, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

He must’ve heard me come out.

Garrett Wayland. My partner and friend.

“You good, man?” His voice was still heavy with sleep.

I nodded, blowing out smoke.

“How’s the suspension treating you?”

“Not bad.”

I passed him the cigarette, and he took a drag before passing it back, eyeing me.

“Liar,” he said flatly. “You’re miserable.”

I didn’t argue.

Garrett stretched, then glanced over. “Was going to wait till morning to tell you, but I might as well now.”

My interest piqued.

“Got a gig lined up. It's just a day's work, and the pay’s good.” He said. “Something to keep you busy tomorrow while you’re benched.”

“Not interested.”

“Yes, you are,” he ventured calmly. “And you’re getting your ass over there tomorrow evening. I'll forward the other details later.”

I shrugged. “Whatever.”

After a while, Garrett sighed. “Same dream?”

“As always,” I replied dryly, standing straight and blowing out another smoke.

He patted my back. “Hang in there. One day it won’t hit so hard. Might still come, but it won’t own you.”

“Thanks, Gar.”

He nodded, stifling a yawn. “I should crash. Big day tomorrow. Ever since your suspension, I’ve been head of security. Big shoes to fill.”

I smirked, finishing my smoke and turning to throw it in a trashcan by the door. “Don’t get too comfortable in them.”

He guffawed and left.

Once the door shut behind him, I pulled out my phone, staring at the screen as I debated what the hell I was about to do.

I hated social media, but right now, it was the closest thing I had to seeing her.

Especially when I couldn’t think straight about anything else.

A few seconds later, the i********: app had finished downloading.

I cursed under my breath, not believing I was actually doing this.

Soon, a burner account was created, and after a few quick searches, her profile stared back at me.

It was bright and colourful, full of selfies, videos, and nature. Mostly beauty content.

Athena Davis was everywhere. She was too easy to find. Too easy to want.

Part of me hated that she put so much of herself out there for anyone to look at. But another part of me was grateful.

Because tonight and other nights to come, nights when the cold awakened me and I couldn't go back to sleep, her face was the only thing I knew could burn it all away.

I studied a picture of her laughing in the sun by the poolside. It had caught my attention because there was something about it.

Her smile was real and warm enough to burn through the coldness that was my heart.

I took a screenshot.

Annoyed with myself, I locked the phone and slipped it back into my pocket.

It didn’t matter how many photos she posted or if I knew her smile by heart.

The truth was ugly and simple.

I could never have her.

But I couldn’t stop looking.

So, I picked up the phone again.

I had more time than I knew what to do with, and all of it was being wasted on a woman I could never f*****g have.