Blue Eyes I First Saw

Chapter 23

Souru half laughed and cried as he stared at the paper. It wasn't a creeptic scene to me, it's a scene where my ghost brother at heart is happy and carefree.

I smiled, feeling the happiness he's feeling. How come a paper that I thought was plain trash— that I wasn't able to throw will bring such a smile to Souru. How come a paper stating a missing person such as himself can make him emotionally happy? 

“Sei, I talked to you about my brother, did I?” he said, wiping his healthy tears. 

I nodded in response. “You did.”

“He's looking for me.” he said and cried again. How I wish I could comfort this kid. 

In the darkness of Aokigahara rainforest, where a light is coming from the entrance near us. I joined him in tears for an unknown reason. 

I just don't get it but my eyes are watering in tears. 

His brother is looking for him, why? He's dea— I mean unliving, why is his brother still in the phase of looking for him? Things are unclear to me. I don't get it.

“Souru.” I called as my tears stopped from falling. His puffy blue eyes stared at me. I sighed. “I . . .I don't get it.”

Souru just smiled and sighed.

“You're . . .unliving. Why is he still looking for you?” I asked hesitantly and carefully.

He sighed once again and stared at the ground, shaking his head. “He doesn't know.” his sadness was overflowing.

“He doesn't know what?” I asked in an instant. Maybe his brother can't see him like how I can?

“He doesn't know I'm dead, Sei.” That made me shut my mouth and process everything. That sentence made my tongue tied to silence and regret on asking. 

His brother doesn't know that Souru is dead. That is why he is looking for Souru, right? My analogy makes sense, right?

I nodded in response to my thoughts and looked at Souru. 

He committed suicide without leaving anything for his brother to know, perhaps? 

“How many months— I mean what month did you— uhm . . .commited suicide?” I gulp the lump forming on my throat. 

“Two. Two years.” he stated and I just blinked my eyes countless times. “After my classmates bullied me. Physically abused me, to be exact.” he sighed and shook his head to let me know what happened next.

He committed suicide after the incident making his brother left with nothing. That's it. “W— why?”

“It's a sudden breakdown, Sei. I can't show my brother how messed I am.” my heart sank at that. 

I can imagine him with all those cuts and bruises, crying miserably, hanging himself— 

“Sei.” Souru called in a loud voice making my thoughts fade. “Don't overboard things. It happened already.”

It's true but the picture of him hanging is unnerving. 

“Sei. Don't think about it too much. You're still healing.” Souru said in a serious tone. 

I sighed and shook my head. This is overwhelming. 

Calm down, Zyosei. 

I remained silent with just breathing heavily, calming myself. 

Okay. Think of some other ways to deal with this, Zyosei.

“Are you okay now?” Souru asked worriedly, peeking at me. I nodded and that made him smile. “This is why I don't want you to know but— yeah the plate is served.” he chuckled.

“Why don't you go to your brother and tell him—” I bite my lip in an instant. “Sorry.”

Souru chuckled, making me smile too. Heck, my mood swings are on a different level. 

“I guess you already know the answer to your suggestion.” He raised a brow at me and looked at the paper I'm holding. 

I nodded and sighed. His brother might be insane by now searching for him this whole two years. 

If ever my recent and last suicidal attempt got executed well, my parents, and Guki might search for me all through the future years like how Souru's brother did. I'm just lucky that someone stopped me.

“How can I help you?” I asked out of the blue.

The surprise on Souru's face lightened his blue eyes, making his lips curved in a smile. “Will you help me?” 

I nodded. “It is the least I can do to someone who saved me from possible hell.”

“So, it's payback time?” 

I chuckled. “Nope. I really want to help.” 

Souru stared at me. “Can you show me the paper again?” he asked and I placed the paper near him. He stared at it in silence where I, on the other hand, thought of ways of how to help my ghost brother.

It's a poster for a missing person so there is a contact info attached to it for sure. One way to reach his brother is to call his number. There might also be an address attached so it's way easier. Souru might also give me details about his brother, I can find him if Souru wants. 

I sighed. There are so many ways but the thing is, will Souru get the peace he deserves if it happens? 

Let's say, his brother found out that he committed suicide, what will happen next? Will he even believe it if a stranger told him that his brother is . . .dead?

“Sei.” Souru called and my eyes flew to him in an instant. “I'm sure you have ways on your mind. You're thinking deeply.”

I nodded. “I have many but . . .”

“But?” he prompted, eager to know what's on my mind.

“But . . .your brother might not believe that you're de— unliving.” I stared and looked at him sadly.

Souru nodded slowly. “I understand. He might think we're pulling a prank on him.”

As I stared at his hopeless face, I knew I might try. “Do you still want to see him? We can try, you know.”

“Sei, you will look crazy in front of my brother if you just tell him you can see ghosts.” he has a point but, it's for his peace.

“Your brother deserves to know what happened to you.” I stated that made him nod again. “We'll try, okay? I'll try.” I smiled at him and got my phone in my tote bag.

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