Reclaiming Her Heart

Chapter 40 - The Cat-O-Nine

Adam

Caden only nodded. The clench of his jaw the only show of tension to what she requested.

"Go start your task while we set up," he ordered.

Nodding once, she quietly disappeared into the hallway.

"Something really terrible happened while she was at Silas's," Caden mumbled, digging through his pack before pulling out the cat. It looked daunting as hell with its nine braided leather tails and split tips.

"Are you okay doing this?" I asked, not sure I was okay with this.

"If I wasn't, I wouldn't have the tools." His answer was calm and concise.

"I meant doing this to her," I corrected.

The blank stare I received as answer did not quell my anxiety. "She needs this. This is a soft limit of mine." He did not like resorting to this kind of treatment, especially with her. The bond they shared was softer.

With her, he'd learned what softness could do. How it could heal. Their time together taught him the hand or whip was not the only way to bring someone to heel. To obey. To submit.

Caden's mind slammed shut suddenly. "We do not have time for reminiscing right now. We need to prepare. Do you have rope?"

I nodded, wondering if I would learn more about their time together as the days progressed.

"Yes, I intend to relate our dynamic, and some of the lessons we both learned," he affirmed, following me to the scene room where the rope resided. "When she is finished cleaning, I want you to bind her arms together straight in front of her. From wrist to elbow. This will be how we attach the ropes from the beams to her arms."

"Would you like help getting the ropes secured to the beams?" I offered.

He shook his head. "I need some time alone to get into the right head space for this."

Okay.

"Don't talk to her. You can observe her. You can be in the same room. Just, no talking." Caden ordered before disappearing to the back porch.

I took a few moments to calm myself, and try to mentally prepare for the scene ahead. I knew this was going to be very hard for both my wolf and I.

We will mutter through this, he assured me. We cannot interfere.

Not when she needed this the most. When she needed us to be her anchor.

When I felt ready, I made my way out to the living room where she was on her hands and knees scrubbing the floors clean of the blood. She'd bandaged her hands and feet, so no more blood would stain the wood. I leaned against the entrance into the living room from the hallway and studied her. She was lost in the monotony of cleaning, yet I could feel how tightly coiled she was. I was afraid she would break.

"That's the point, Adam. We need her to break, and she knows this."

Hmm, I hummed to myself. In order to build her back up, to allow her to start healing, she had to reach rock bottom.

I winced, remembering when I reached rock bottom. It had been lonely. Hard. Terrifying. Yet, at the same time, she had set me up for success.

We needed to do the same for her here. And Caden seemed to have a handle on it already.

Once she finished, I tied her arms together in an intricate set of knots from wrist to elbow. She stood before me naked. Bound. Defeated. Exhausted.

I wasn't feeling comfortable with this. I knew there were silent rules in place in the b**m community that would not go through a scene like this with the sub in such a bad head-space.

"You have to know the sub. And the situation," Caden supplied, feeling my unease. "She has agreed to this, knowing it will help her more than waiting it out. Trust that I won't go too far."

Again, I was glad of Caden's reassurance. I would trust him, and determine afterward if this would be something I would allow again.

Once Jadea was in position, attached by the ropes around her arms to the ropes from the beams, and hanging, so only the tips of her toes touched the ground, Caden started the scene. "What is your safe word?" he demanded

"Pineapple."

"Good girl. I am not intending for a lot of strikes with the item you chose. I will aim between twenty to thirty strikes throughout the song. Consistent. Not random."

"It needs to be more, sir."

"I'm not going to—"

"Please, Caden," she interrupted, using his name, knowing there would be consequences for doing so.

"I will let the name slide this time," he growled, moving slowly to stand in front of her so he could lift her face to his. So he could stare into her eyes. "Convince me why you want more?"

Licking her lips, she continued, "I have not been able to peacefully connect with her since I woke up at Silas's. I connected with her a handful of times when I cut myself, which is one of the reasons why I did it. To try and force the connection. I need to be pushed beyond that limit to reach her."

I could see in her mind how the peaceful coexistence between her and her wolf was severed. She initially thought it was due to the toxin. But now, after it was completely flushed from her system, her wolf was still absent. She didn't know why. She resorted to cutting to force her wolf out, to protect her in what Jadea deemed a 'controlled' environment. Yet, her wolf never came.

I felt the yawning chasm where her bond with her wolf once was.

"You have not been able to connect with her since you got back?" Caden asked for clarification.

Jadea shook her head. "Not without her overtaking me entirely to protect me violently and without reason." As she had done earlier with Caden. "I need to connect with her so I can start repairing our bond. To see what needs to be done. Because if I can't repair the damage..."

She wouldn't be able to go back home to Aidan and Anika. She would be too unstable.

"Please, help me, sir," she fairly begged, her chest heaving on a sob.

After a moment, Caden nodded his agreement. Then, placing a large set of headphones over her ears, he settled himself behind her. Turning on the song, he raised the cat and struck.

The pain lancing through her body felt like it was my own. It took my breath away.

"Count!" Caden ordered in her mind.

"One."

Thwack!

"Two."

The pain could be felt across her entire back and body. The way it struck, to the kind of pain it illicited was bone deep.

Thwack!

"Harder, sir."

Harder?

When I was about to call a halt to this, my wolf stopped me. Just wait, he ordered. I could feel he did not like this either, but knew it was important.

Thwack!

"Three."

Thwack!

I felt the excruciating pain lance through her and how cathartic it felt. Her voice cut out as Caden caught onto something. His strikes quickened and I felt her spiral. The panic. The pain. It all bled together.

Her scream of agony cut me to the quick.

"Why do you cut yourself!?" Caden demanded.

Thwack!

"Because I wanted to die!" she yelled.

"Why did you want to die?"

"I failed my pack. I failed my mate," she cried. "Failing Lucien was the last straw." In her mind, I saw all of it lining up. Everything Silas said, and how he made her feel as though she was responsible for it all crumbling down around her.

"You know his words are not true. Why are you holding onto them as if they are?"

Thwack!

"Jadea, answer me!" Caden roared when she stubbornly remained silent.

He struck harder, the cat drawing blood.

"Because I am a failure!" she yelled. "A mutt! Unwanted! Unloved! I am the granddaughter of Elam, the Deserter! I was born from evil! It is in my very blood and bones," she wailed.

"Then why didn't you kill yourself!?"