Reclaiming Her Heart

Chapter 42 - Soul Shattering

Adam

There was no question about forgiveness. Of course, I would forgive her!

She comprehended the depth of hurt she'd inflicted. She understood every consequence her actions had and could have caused. There was no need to prolong this suffering.

I knew I was facing a different Jadea. A traumatized one. One whose world had been ripped apart and pieced back together haphazardly.

Of course, I would have compassion for her!

I wasn't going to abandon her, no matter how hard she pushed, no matter how deeply she hurt me. There was no getting rid of me. And I would continue to reassure her of that until the doubts no longer clouded her mind.

As my thoughts swirled through her, I felt her relax.

"I don't deserve you," she breathed, burying her face in the crook of my neck.

"Why do you feel that way?" I asked curiously, wrapping my arms around her.

"Because I'm a screw-up. And I keep hurting you."

"And..?" I pressed.

"I'm afraid there will come a time I make too many mistakes, and you'll eventually give up on me. And you can't know for sure I won't cross some kind of line," she grumbled, sitting up abruptly to glare down at me. I don't know why, but that look made my heart do a funny flip-flop in my chest.

"I understand your fears, Jadea," I soothed. "Living in fear is only going to allow those thoughts to continue to manifest. If you make a mistake, so be it. We will handle it how we always have: together. My advice is to live in the moment, to be present and not dwell on the scenarios you build in your head of things that have not happened, and most likely will not happen."

The small frown marring her face as she contemplated my words was adorable.

"How many times have those scenarios made it to fruition?" I asked curiously.

She grumbled something, her frown deepening.

"I didn't hear you. Can you please repeat it?"

"Maybe once or twice."

"Exactly! You're only hurting your own feelings and projecting a skewed reality onto others who aren't privy to your thoughts. Stop determining how others feel. It's not fair to them, or yourself, for assuming for them. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded, still pouting. "Yes."

I knew this was something she'd struggled with before, yet it was at a whole new level now. We would have to work on that.

"I also need to apologize," I started gently, my thumbs tracing patterns along her hip bones. "I did not do my due diligence after our scene earlier. I am sorry for not ensuring proper--"

Her fingers brushed my lips, silencing me. "I understand why you had to leave. You gave clear instruction and made sure I was ... Okay. You didn't leave me alone. I had Agamemnon. There is nothing to forgive." Her bright smile blinded me. Oh, how I'd missed that.

"Why didn't you trust me with this, baby girl?" I still didn't understand why she'd kept her self-harm from me. How she could have kept it secret through the blood bond.

She drooped, her gaze falling from mine. "There are many reasons, even ones I don't completely understand myself."

Curling a few knuckles under her chin, I lifted her face up to mine. "There can be no secrets between us, baby girl. Even if they are devastating, painful and hard. No matter how much you think it may hurt you or me, secrets kill, baby."

She nodded, more tears rolling down her cheeks. My heart ached seeing her like this. My anger for Silas simmered dangerously beneath the surface. I held and rocked her through the storm, praying the end to this pain would come sooner rather than later.

***

Song Inspo: "Ordinary" by Alex Warren

Jadea

In the safety of his arms, cradled within the warmth of his mind, the doubts I'd been harboring fell away. While I lay with my head tucked into his shoulder, I absentmindedly traced the intricate paths of the tribal shark tattoo running up his arm, over his shoulder and partially over his pec.

This man continued to show me the depths his devotion ran.

When I'd hurt him earlier, believing I'd crossed a hard line that would drive him away entirely, he'd returned. He'd come back with help in tow, so he could learn other ways in which to show up for me. I'd had to rely on myself for so long, it was hard accepting this level of care from someone else.

My heart ached for a love I couldn't remember. For all the tender moments that softened my heart. For all the arguments and fights that made us clash and broke us down before we came back together to mend what had been hurt. I wanted to know how it felt to live with him during the mundane of everyday existence. How we showed up for each other. I wanted to know how he survived breaking down all my walls, when I knew how vicious I could get when someone got too close.

And yet, it wasn't a mystery at all.

All my answers could be found in the way he treated me, held me, led me this past week. His compassion wore me down. The silent strength he presented allowed me to feel safe enough to be seen, and to submit. To fall completely apart, because I knew he would be there to help pick up the pieces and put me back together. He wasn't afraid of my fire. Wasn't daunted by my wolf, even when she was crazy. He was a teammate. Someone I could rely on when needed, and confident enough in himself to allow me to lead.

The only instance when his alpha bore down on me was when he realized I was hurting myself intentionally. It wasn't to control me. It was to save me.

If this was how he'd made me feel before... I understood why I'd broken the only promise I ever made to myself.

"Is there a significance to the shark?" My voice broke the silence, my fingers still tracing the tribal patterns.

"It represents strength and dominance, perseverance, protection and guidance." The hesitation after he'd answered told me there was more. My gaze moved up to his, wondering if I'd struck a chord in that impenetrable armor of his. "Also, sharks must keep swimming. If they stop, they die." At this tidbit of information, I stilled, knowing at that moment he understood better than most the struggles I was dealing with.

Slowly, I moved to straddle him. My gaze never wavering from his.

In the depths of my mind my wolf's final words echoed: When he broke their bonds, he broke ours too. Repair it... Until then, we cannot be whole.

I knew what I needed to do.

I needed to take a leap of faith.

Adam's head tilted slightly, a question forming in those stormy blue eyes. I hadn't allowed him to reinstate his blood bond with me yet, so he didn't have free access to my thoughts.

That was about to change, though.

"Adam." His name a whispered prayer of hope and salvation on my lips.

His brows furrowed as he tried to make sense of the shift he felt within me.

"I need you."

Needed him like water, like breath. Like the very life force flowing through my veins.

I needed him to be so entangled with me, so deeply embedded, we wouldn't be able to tell where one started and the other ended.

"Baby." His agonized whisper, filled with yearning, met me. Strong fingers delved into the depths of my hair before desperately devouring me like a thirsty man in the desert. That's all it took before I was drowning in him.

I couldn't take this slow.

Like a wolf about to devour its prey, I rose above him, taking control. I don't know where the shift within myself came from, other than I felt empowered by this man. Being an alpha with control issues made for a powerful dominatrix. It was something I had been before Adam. I couldn't explain why she was coming out to play now. Other than it centered around him.

I felt alive for the first time since I'd first woken up at Silas's.

It was the first time I almost felt like my old self.

With chests pressed tightly, hearts beating as one, I curled one hand around his neck while I fisted the other in his hair, pulling his head back so I could deepen our kiss. Desperate hands fisted the fabric of my dress as I ground myself against him. His warning growl reverberating through my bones, sending a thrill straight to my very core.

With my hands still at his neck and hair, I tipped his head to the side so I could run my tongue along his skin and up to his ear where I growled, "You're going to be my good boy now." Instantly, goosebumps rose along his skin and I knew I'd hit one of his major turn ons. "You're going to do exactly as I say. And if you do, I'll make you feel so good."

I felt Adam's wolf gnashing at my orders. Surprisingly, the man kept the beast under control as exhilaration took hold. Within the passion-filled haze of his mind, I found the constant power shifts experienced between us—before the memory loss—was part of our sensual play. Within our dynamic, the dominant role switched back and forth depending on needs and desires. Sometimes it was planned, other times it was spontaneous.

"Take off my dress."

He ripped the offending material over my head, his sensual gaze traveling over my body. The intensity of it made it feel like he was actually touching me. A shiver of delight ran down my spine.

"Touch me." I commanded, showing him exactly what I wanted.

One hand curled between my thighs, the other stayed at my hip. My breath faltered when his fingers slipped through the slick, swollen folds, tracing my entrance before slowly—agonizingly—curling his fingers into me, ripping a cry of pleasure from my parted lips. My head fell back as he worked his magic.

"Look at me," he demanded from between clenched teeth. My gaze snapped to his, my fingers digging into his shoulders for support as I lost myself to his ministrations. "Scream my name when you come, baby girl."

My mouth fell open.

The audacity of this man!

Oh no. This wouldn't do.

"Stop." The whispered command held more weight and power than intended.

He obeyed, begrudgingly.

"Pull out your cock."

The low grumble in his chest made my smile turn wicked. Flirting with his wolf like this was invigorating.

Pushing his pants down, he exposed himself. I stared down at him in appreciation. Loving what I saw. I didn't keep my thoughts to myself. His tormented groan had me riding a high I hadn't ever felt before.

Right as I was about to slide home, I felt the first tendrils of doubt. "Baby, wait," he panted, fingers digging into my hips, trying to hold me at bay.

My body was singing with the need to re-connect with him on every level. My heart needed this. My soul begged to be forever entangled with his. The urge to bind ourselves irrevocably was spearheading my unconscious thoughts. Dragging in breaths of air, my body shuddered with the effort it took to stop myself from joining us.

When my gaze refocused on his, he asked, "Are you sure?"

If it was possible, I fell even more for this man. "Yes," I declared, my gaze softening on his. I was ready for this. Ready to claim this man as mine. Forevermore. Ready for him to wreck me, and I him, for all eternity. I was done waiting. I was done looking for perfection and answers in unknown places. This man alone was my every wildest and most unobtainable dream. I was ready to take the leap, even if I was scared. Even if I was broken.

I knew I had done this once before.

I could do it again.

I had to repair all bonds.

If there was one thing my life taught me, it was to take chances.

This was me, taking a huge risk on love and praying he didn't let me fall.

He felt the shift. Felt the change within my heart and soul.

One hand curled in my hair, pulling me into him till our lips smashed together in a soul-shattering kiss. His other hand at my hip, guided me to him and I slid home. Breaking away, I cried out at our passionate joining. We fit perfectly together. So perfect, I knew I would be loath to separate from him. His hands were all over me, worshiping my body, making me feel loved and cherished.

Our hands wandered, mouths moving over skin, nipping and licking before savagely coming together again. While I wanted this to last, we were too wound up. Too far gone and lost in each other to take this joining slowly. We were racing to the crest, the crescendo building within. It was so vast, all consuming, it scared me.

"Bite me," he commanded, pulling my face into his neck, distracting me.

I reacted, my fangs puncturing deep. A heartbeat later, I felt his teeth sink into the slope of my shoulder. There was no pain, just pleasure coursing through us as we reinstated our mate's bond. Our minds melded, our hearts embracing, souls clashing in the frantic wildness of it all.

And as we came together in body, mind and soul, we crashed over the precipice of ecstasy, our cries blending together in the quiet space surrounding us.