Reclaiming Her Heart

Chapter 31 - Late Night Snack

Jadea

I woke up in my bed.

Alone.

I couldn't explain why my heart was hurting.

The last thing I remembered was falling asleep in Adam's embrace in the scene room. A smile tugged at my lips as I remembered our sensual play. Adam kept it sweet and, to my dismay, short. There had been no happy endings. Which was okay. There was something to be said about building the yearning for one another.

It wasn't something I was used to.

It was late into the night. I had slept for several hours. My mind and body both felt good from the deep, restful slumber. My stomach growled and I felt hungry.

Walking out to the kitchen, I poured myself a glass of blood. It was the first time I wanted to drink the nourishing sustenance, and I wasn't about to ignore my body's request. While I sat at the kitchen island, I reached out and touched my pack's minds. They were all asleep, except for Garret. He was the night owl, and liked running the nightly perimeter.

"How are you doing?" Garret asked. The way in which he spoke wasn't the light and airy kind of question most asked.

"I am doing okay," I replied honestly. "I'm trying to give myself grace, even when I fail."

"It will get easier."

"Yeah. But, I think it's going to get worse before it does," I replied gently. Knowing there was still a darker secret I hadn't told anyone about. One I should tell Adam, but I just couldn't bring myself to admit to yet. "So, when's Chance heading up here?" I asked teasingly, diverting the conversation to more safe topics.

Garret allowed me to change the subject. He scoffed. "I will be heading up there right after I get off from perimeter duty."

"You should get some rest," I countered, worried he was pushing himself too hard.

"As should you, but here we are," he snarked back. "I'm looking forward to seeing you."

"Same," I told him, reaching out to give him a mental hug. I'd missed my beta a lot. "How is your mate?"

"She's doing well, thank you."

"How is she settling into wolf life?" From what I'd gathered from his memories, she had been a human reporter and was turned sometime after she'd accepted Garret as her mate.

"She's still having a bit of a hard time connecting with her wolf. After you guys come back, Adam said he would work with her, to help her constructively connect with her wolf."

Guilt swirled through me, knowing I was keeping Adam from his pack duties as a co-alpha.

Garret felt my thoughts and soothed the guilt I felt. "This isn't your fault, Jadea. No one is shirking any duties. She definitely doesn't feel left out or anything. She just sees how all of us are one with our wolf and wants to learn how to accomplish that." It wasn't a life and death situation. Not like it had been for Adam. He'd had to learn that skill rather quickly in order to help me feel safe enough to submit completely to him in order to access my repressed memories from my youth. Memories that held vital information of Elam and Harley. Information that had been detrimental to winning or losing the war with Elam.

"Is there anything you want me to bring tomorrow?" Garret asked a bit conspiratorially.

Was there? Hmm... "Not this time," I started, but showed him what it was I would like to have. Maybe he could send it with the next pack-mate who visited?

"I got you, Jay," he smirked knowingly.

"I'll see you bright and early tomorrow," I told him, brushing his mind in farewell.

After rinsing out the glass, I grabbed a cookie and started making my way back to my room. As I passed one of the doors in the hallway, I noticed it was cracked open, and an eye was peeking out at me.

My mind flashed back to the memory of Keb's evil eye peering at me through the door and I screamed, panic latching onto my chest. Instinctively, I kicked the door, knocking the perp on the other side back into the room. Lunging into the dark depths, I could hear Adam scrambling out of his room and down the hallway. His mind crashing through mine to figure out where and what the threat was.

Time slowed down as I landed on top of Agamemnon, my fist held high, ready to strike. I paused, realizing my mistake.

Agamemnon stayed down, both hands up near his face in a show of surrender, his eyes wide at being laid out like this in the middle of the night. Or rather, being laid out at all. I was sure he rarely found himself in such situations. "I-I'm sorry," he stammered in shock more than fear. Adam came screeching to a halt in the doorway as the hell-hound shifter continued, "I just had to pee."

Goodness!

I heaved a sigh and slid off of him, my heart racing in my chest, the adrenaline crashing over me. My body trembling with it. "Sorry," I said, reaching over to pat his shoulder. "Next time, please just open the door and not peer out like that."

"Yeah. Excuse me," he said, standing up to rush off down the hallway to the bathroom.

Adam let Agamemnon by before he filled the doorway again. His gaze moving over me, his mind brushing mine as he tried to figure out what set me off.

"We will get to that," I breathed, not really wanting to relive all of that right now.

I could feel the war waging in his mind. He didn't like the little bits and pieces he saw of Keb's and my interaction; especially with how violently I'd reacted to the flashback.

"I promise, I'll be okay. I was just ... Taken by surprise is all," I explained further, pushing myself onto my feet.

Adam held out his hand silently and led me to my room before asking, "Why were you out of bed?"

"I was hungry," I said honestly. I could feel his relief, knowing this was a big step in the right direction for me.

"Are you sure you're okay? Would you like me to stay with you for the rest of the night?" He'd caught onto the little tidbit from earlier, when I had been disappointed waking up alone.

However, at this particular moment, all I wanted was solitude. "I'll be okay, Adam. Thank you."

There was disappointment, and a bit of hurt, mixed into the depths of his mind. Though, he did his best to keep them from me. "Okay, baby girl," he whispered, taking me into a quick hug. "If you change your mind, you know where I am." With a quick peck on my forehead, he left the room.

I laid down on my bed, forcing my mind to remain blank and calm. Adam stayed deeply connected with me for some time before finally drifting to sleep. I waited until he was caught in a deep slumber before I moved to the master bathroom. I'd claimed one of the master bedrooms as my own. The other was being utilized as the scene room.

Turning on the shower, I reached for the pocket knife hidden in one of the cabinets. Stripping, I stepped into the warm jets. Then, tucking myself into a corner of the large shower, I traced the insides of my thighs with the flat of the blade, knowing this was risky. Knowing I could get caught at any moment.

I reached into the dark void of my heart, reaching for my wolf. But she wasn't there. I hadn't been able to connect with her like this for months. When I did connect with her, it was her reacting violently in a show of protection, or when I was in deep emotional turmoil. One of the ways I knew I could connect with her, was through the pain of cutting.

And right now, I really needed her.

Tears streamed down my face and mixed with the water.

I kept my emotions caged, making sure not to awaken Adam. I wasn't sure how he would react to this. And I really didn't want to find out at that very moment. We could all live in the blissful unknown for a little while longer.

The blade's sharp edge sliced deep into the skin. I cut high on my inner thigh, high enough my legs would have to be spread open for him to see the wounds. I cut several lines in both thighs, the blood mixing with the water before being swept down the drain.

I reached back into the void, waiting for her to come. But she never did.

Pulling my knees to my chest, I cried for how broken I was. Because of how depraved and sick I felt in reverting to such methods to get some kind of reaction from my wolf. And for it to not work? It was a hard pill to swallow.