Reclaiming Her Heart

Chapter 44 - Dom Drop

Jadea

That was a loaded question.

I nodded. "Yes. It went better than I thought it would go," I admitted. "It did satisfy that need to self-harm."

"Was there anything that made you uncomfortable or feel a certain way?"

Taking a few moments, I deliberated the question. "No. I feel good about the scene and how it was handled. It allowed me to safely connect with my wolf. It supplied an outlet for my own needs." My gaze caught his. I knew it had impacted him, though. Brushing Adam's mind, I silently let him know this next part might get a little unpleasant for him. "However, it made you uncomfortable. Didn't it?"

Caden shifted, his fingers rubbing together in a soothing way. I knew I'd hit a mark. Sighing as if he had come to some kind of conclusion, he slid off the couch to his knees and settled himself between my thighs. His arms banding around my waist, pulling me flush against him, the side of his head tucking into my chest. Listening to the steady beat of my heart helped calm the storm. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around him. Resting my cheek against the top of his head, my gaze connected with Adam's. His jaw was tight, his gaze blank, hands fisted on his legs as if he was forcing himself to be okay with our familiarity. I brushed his mind, reassuringly, showing him why this was important. We were participating in a unique dynamic at the moment. This was part of the aftercare. "You scared me, Jay," he breathed, voice shaky. "I don't want to use the cat on you again. Honestly, I don't like inflicting such pain onto you."

"Is it because you are scared of hurting me? Or scared because you like inflicting pain, and it reminds you of your father?" I asked specifically, my focus intent on him. Our history making it easier to connect the dots.

"Yes." Both.

"If you hurt me, Caden, it will have been either by accident, or by my own will." My house-dress had a wide open back. Caden's fingers brushed the still healing lashes he'd inflicted earlier. He had rubbed a healing salve over them, which would allow the healing process to go faster and leave no scars. "You are in control of the most violent parts of yourself. You have worked diligently to make sure you are not like him. You can stop and would stop such a scene if asked, or if you recognized it was going too far for your sub. Plus, your father lived life as an evil, violent man. That was his personality. He thrived off being malevolent. You, on the other hand, are nothing like him. You know this. Your pack, the same wolves who lived under your father's reign, know they are safe with you." It wasn't that he was unaware of these statements. He wasn't insecure. It was just part of the Dom drop after the scene. Reassurances, on both parts, were needed after such intense scenes.

"Hmm," I hummed curiously, knowing this wasn't the tip of the iceberg. While we were no longer bound by blood, we had a different kind of connection. Both attuned to each other on a level most didn't experience due to the purity of our previous dynamic and relationship. "It's me. Isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Why? You've performed scenes similar to this with others. Why does it bother you when I am on the receiving end of such a scene?"

"You've always been so intuitive," he grumbled. "You would have made a f*****g phenomenal dominatrix."

I chuckled at his compliment. "Been there. Done that. It's okay." But I liked being able to submit. Being the alpha, always having to be in command, always having to make the decisions and hard choices. It was nice to give all that up to the right person. My gaze turned to Adam, knowing I found that someone. The tension in his shoulders eased, his smoldering sapphire eyes softening.

"I think it is because of the different dynamic you and I shared. When we started our relationship, you had hard limits on most of the things I used. You challenged me to find the punishments and disciplines in other ways. With you, I found a different outlet that wasn't so destructive or violent, and it made me realize one didn't have to resort to such things in order to feel alive. It is hard being violent with you when you were my first gentle soul. It always felt like falling into heaven with you."

"Would it be better to find someone else for these scenes? A third party. You would still be in charge--"

"No," Caden interrupted. "I wouldn't be able to watch someone else do that to you without overreacting. I derive no pleasure from this particular act when it comes to you."

"Do we need to find a different outlet?" I posed, willing to try if that's what was needed.

He shook his head. "It is a soft limit of mine. I can do this for you. Just, give me a little more reassurance after the scenes, okay?"

"Of course," I agreed, my fingers massaging his scalp. "And thank you. I really appreciate you being here for me."

"Always, kitten." Sitting up, his hands cradled my face, tilting my head down to press a tender kiss to my forehead.

A low, feral growl emanated from Adam.

"Old habits," Caden muttered, an amused smile playing along his lips. He immediately put space between us.

"They do die hard," I agreed with a soft chuckle when Adam's arms wrapped around my waist possessively and hoisted me onto his lap. "What about you?" I turned to level my mate with a stern look. "How are you feeling after the scene?"

"I did not enjoy it." His abrupt answer caught me off guard. "Though, I am going to label this as a soft limit of mine since I have not been exposed to this kind of scene before today. I will work with Caden and wait until I have led one of these scenes to determine if it is something I am okay with continuing. If not--"

"We will find some other way," I assured. "Thank you for trying, for me."

"Always, baby," he whispered, running his nose along the side of my face, breathing my scent deep into his lungs.

"I think I'm going to start making dinner." Caden made a hasty exit.

"You're still planning to see Aidan and Anika tomorrow?" I asked after a few quiet moments.

"I was thinking of post—"

"Don't! They need you, Adam. And, to be transparent, you need that time with them as well. To decompress and have some way to disconnect from this. It's a lot, and it's heavy."

"You'll be okay?"

"I've got Caden. And Briar and Derrick will be coming up to visit. They will give me the distraction I need to care for myself in the same way." I assured him.

"Hey you crazy kids!" Caden called from the kitchen. "Dinner is ready!"