Reclaiming Her Heart

Chapter 2 - Surviving

Song Inspo: "Eternity" by Alex Warren

Adam

I returned from a hunt with Garret and Derrick. We had been gone for a few days to gather enough meat to last through the winter, and now I needed some much-needed snuggles from my best friend.

I'd missed her greatly while I was gone.

"Jadea," I called out to her through our bond, brushing her mind to see where she was. The instant I knew, I didn't wait. I stalked through the house and crawled into the little hidden access in our room where she built a small hideaway. It was a square room. Large enough for someone to stand and long enough to lay down in comfortably. The walls and ceiling were a patchwork of pictures of friends, family, and places we'd visited. All happy memories lining the walls. On the floor was a very thick comforter along with dozens of squishmallows in all sizes. She was lying in the mass of plushies, her mind in between sleep and wakefulness, holding the wolf I had given her a few years back.

I stood there, just drinking her in.

Taking my shirt off, I settled down next to her, pulling her onto my chest, craving skin to skin.

Her small sigh of contentment as she burrowed further into me made my heart burst.

"Hi baby girl," I breathed into her hair, my hand running down her back, loving the way she fit so perfectly in my arms.

"Hi vanilla," she whispered back. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

We drifted for a while in and out of sleep before fully waking up. We spoke of the hunt and how everything went at home while we were gone. In the silence that settled, Jadea's gorgeous sage green gaze held mine and in their depths I saw a question. "What is it?" I asked, staying out of her thoughts, even though I could have just brushed her mind to see the question. We were bonded mates. That was one of the perks of the type of bond we shared.

"If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you want to go?" she asked.

I smiled softly down at her. "I've always wanted to visit Japan."

"Hmm," she hummed. "I'll have to make plans for a much-needed vacation there after our tour," she smiled, her chest settling on me as her lips danced seductively with mine. "I haven't been there yet, and it is some place I would like to go too."

As we lost ourselves to the heat of passion, flames burst around us, consuming us...

And in the flames I saw her, lying lifeless on the stage, those gorgeous green eyes glazed over in death as her screams filled my ears. The flames and smoke so thick it was suffocating.

"Jadea!" I screamed, trying to get to her, trying to save her, but strong hands pushed me into inky darkness.

***

I started, sitting straight up in bed, my heart pounding in my chest. Drenched in sweat. Body shaking with the horrific memories of that night.

Dropping my head into my hands, I sobbed softly.

It had only been three months since we lost her, but the grief and pain were as sharp as that very night. I knew this wasn't going to get any easier. All I could wish for, was time to dull the pain. The emptiness in my heart was debilitating. If it hadn't been for Blade and Briar—two very powerful empaths—I would have followed Jadea into the afterlife that same day and left my children orphans. I had a lot to thank my pack for.

While I was here physically, I wasn't sure if my emotionless state was any better for my children. I couldn't give them what they deserved and needed being a shell of a man. But I was darn well trying. And I hoped they would one day see how much I loved them, how much I was sacrificing to be here, and how much I tried being the father they deserved.

Damn! This hollowness was worse than anything I'd ever felt, and that was saying a lot, seeing what I went through in my life.

Losing Jadea... I was doing everything I could just to survive each day.

Looking at the time, I decided to get out of bed and start my routine. A routine my pack and I agreed upon so we could keep going, keep moving through life, even though it didn't feel worth living without her here.

Dragging myself out of bed, my body and mind both heavy, I shuffled into the bathroom where I got washed and dressed for the day. Then, I made my daily call to Dr. Andrew's, my lifeline throughout all of this. After, I made my way through the complex to the communal kitchen where I started cooking. Usually, Briar and Derrick made breakfast. However, I was out here before anyone else.

As the delicious smell permeated the house, the others of the pack meandered out and joined me. They could feel the heaviness weighing on my heart and mind. It weighed on all of us. Briar came up, rubbing against my side, her empathic powers easing into my veins and relieving some of the burdens. I wanted to tell her to stop, that she wasn't responsible for regulating my emotions and making them her own, but I couldn't get the words past my lips. Any respite from this never-ending hurt was better than nothing.

"Good morning, Adam," Persephone, a petite blond with striking violet eyes greeted as her and Blade emerged next. Blade's protective hand at her hip was not lost on me. He knew I was extra in my feels today, and sometimes such huge emotions set off his ever so sensitive mate. I tried my best to protect not only her, but the rest of them, from my tumultuous emotions. But, today was just one of the awful ones.

Garret and Ginny, his mate, emerged right behind Blade. Both looked happy, and I was glad for them. Honest I was. I knew Jadea had been so happy when everyone in her pack found that soul-shattering love. It helped them through this trying time. I was glad they found happiness, despite their alpha's life being in absolute shambles.

"Good morning," I greeted them all as I dished out breakfast.

Small talk filled the kitchen, though I couldn't focus on the words. It was just a dull noise in the back of my mind.

My children, Aidan and Anika, were visiting their uncle Ty. They had asked to go. They needed a break from my constant gloom and doom atmosphere. They needed someplace where they could forget the bad and lose themselves in the joys of childhood. In two weeks time, we would be following them up for our usual monthly training and visit. It was something Jadea and her brother initiated shortly after losing their father years ago, and it was one of the things I kept the same after the devastating blow to all our lives.

Before breakfast was over, I excused myself. Walking out to the barn where the two shire horses Jadea loved resided. I picked up a comb and started brushing one of them, losing myself to the mundane task as my mind numbed.

"How do you really feel, Adam?" Dr. Andrew's question reverberated through me. He knew I had been giving him the numbed version of how I was feeling and was asking for a deeper answer.

At the time, I didn't know how to explain I was homesick for a person who was no longer living.

***

Two weeks later...

We were on our second night at Ty's. Anika, Aidan and I were staying with him in the main house, while the others of the Knight Necromancer's pack were staying in the two ADU houses on the residence. Everything was decorated for Christmas, which was only a handful of days away. It was so surreal. The holidays didn't feel the same without her.

Aidan and Anika were both enjoying themselves and had worn my butt out the instant we set foot on the compound. We went horseback riding, so Anika could show off her riding skills. Someone this visit, taught her how to jump over small obstacles, and she was ecstatic over this accomplishment. I was so proud of her and told her so. She was becoming quite the horsewoman. Jadea would have loved seeing her riding skills improve, and would have insisted on buying Anika her own horse—which I'd fought her on. Now, regret swirled through my chest for never saying yes.

Aidan stuck with Ty for their visit and became a master at Mario Kart. He insisted on playing several games the first night. Real laughter and happiness warmed my soul for the first time in what seemed like forever. It had been wonderful to feel such joy again, even though it was fleeting. I was thankful and lucky to have such a village surrounding me.

The second night, though, I was antsy as all the memories of Jadea here were wearing me down. That night, I snuck out and switched Chance as he ran the perimeter with a wolf from Ty's pack. I needed to exhaust myself if I was ever going to find sleep. If I was ever going to survive being here in this place so filled with love and wonderful memories of her. I ran the perimeter, numbing myself to everything. Only focusing on the ground underneath my paws. The cold of the winter surrounding me. The crunch of freshly fallen snow. Focusing on the surrounding nightlife. How the moon hung high and full in the night sky. How it's silvery rays lit the night and made everything beautiful.

As I continued on this rather therapeutic and grounding exercise, my mind crash connected with someone so utterly familiar. Someone that was cut from the same soul as I.

Jadea.

I felt her breath, felt the earth under her paws as she ran. Not in a panic. Just a mind-numbing cycle, like me.

And as soon as it was there, it was gone.

My wolf was instantly ripping through my mind, trying to reconnect with her, but it was to no avail.

She is still alive, he hissed.

Was she though? Or was this my mind playing some kind of abhorrent trick on me?