Written by the Moon

4~ LOSE

“Where’s Jell?”

I stormed out of my room. The pain my body is enduring right now doesn’t matter. I never got the second thought to think about what to do. All that is in my head is why? Why did I fail? 

I’m still in my robe from the evaluation. I laughed at my situation right now. I'm an angel and the best way to act when you lose is to accept it. But hell no! I worked hard! Shed tears and blood for what?! And who won? Phairro?!I went down the girls' wing and went to the Professor’s Room. I slammed the door out of anger. Fortunately, there was only Jell in the room. He looked shocked seeing me. The pen he was writing on some paper fell off. He stood up and almost lost consciousness for a moment.

“What happened? Y-you’re awake!” nervousness was all in his wrinkled face.

I wanted to laugh as hard as I can! I wanted to scream in irritation! I don’t feel any pain anymore. It went away to the window and I hope it never comes back! My chest continuously pumps up and down because of my panting.

“I am wide awake. Now, tell me. Who won?” I asked. 

I will never believe what Mark just said earlier. I need Jell’s words. My heart won’t accept this. Something I worked for years and this is all I got? Where’s the pay for my hard work now? Jell lost in words just hugged me out of nowhere. It was supposed to cheer me up. Or at least, calm me. But heck no, it angered me more.

“Tell me!” I shivered in my own words and tone. 

I have never acted this way in my whole life. I did my best to act decent and angel-like. But I already lost my emotions. I lost control of it and now, anger will overcome. I feel useless all of a sudden. Damn it! 

“Dear Eloise, t-the results came a-and unfortunately, Phairro… won.”

I gritted my teeth as I closed my eyes. I want to shout and scream my lungs out. I want to go haywire and just… just… cry. I pursed my lips as tightened my eyes close. My palms turned into fits. I don’t want to blame the people around me. Markus never agreed at first with my decision even if he didn’t actually say it to me. But still, he supported me.

Jell was and will always be my mentor. I wouldn’t make it to the top 5 without him. Even if I hated the thought to be part of the 5 Acadians. All I can blame is myself. How stupid and dumb of me! If I pushed myself more further, I might have won! I bit my lip out of confusion. I felt a hand caressing my shoulder.

“Nav… you did your best,” Mark’s voice is full of comfort. 

Something I would’ve liked. But I don’t need comfort. I am never fond of that. Never will be, I guess.

I need the title. I want to win.

“I wanted that title, Mark. I want to serve the Goddess,” it came out of my mouth in a very calm tone. Something I never expected.

“You are serving the Goddess. You don’t need a title just to say that you are serving the Moon. You know that, Nav.” 

He hugged me from my back. I opened my eyes and it landed on Jell. I wanted to look away but the look on his face prevented me from doing it. He looks apologetic. His hands trembled as he gestured to hug me. Fortunately, I was able to avoid making a scene. I mean, I am a troublemaker here. An angel for a troublemaker. How nice of that to hear, eh?

I woke up the next day with my scars perfectly healed. Though there were no signs of scars now, I can still the pain in my body. It almost felt like it never actually left. I stood at my balcony and witnessed the sun giving light to the Grande Paredes. I sighed remembering what day is today.

The Recognition.

The day when they will announce the winner of the Olympics. And of course, the angels who have made it to the cut to be one of the few to go down the world of Athanatoss. Everybody is excited. Well, except for me. I will never be happy going down to Athanatoss. I’d rather live here my whole life than spend a few months there! Or even years! My face twitched with the idea.

What’s so exciting about Athanatoss? All I know is that it’s corrupt, cruel, unjust, filthy and all the horrible words I could think of. I shook my head in so much disappointment. How can they send me there? Other than being part of the 5 Acadians, my personality and attitude would likely fit in Athanatoss. I massaged my temple as I started to prepare for my day.

This day will be stressful. I went out of my room and there all my fellow Acadians are ready and set to go. The look on their faces disgusted me. I rolled my eyes secretly and it met with Mark’s. I waved to him. He looks dashing in his attire today. He’s in a formal uniform of the Acadians. Particularly, for men. His hair looks clean with its cut. 

He smiled at me and I would dare say that his white teeth can be blinding. He’s typically the ‘prince charming’ of the human world, especially with his blond hair.

“You feel good today?” he hugged me tightly as he would always do.

“Much better than yesterday,” a lie. 

I most probably feel worse today especially now that they are announcing the winners. I smiled at him as I entered our carriage. It’s awfully big and white with accents of gold. There’s absolutely nothing to celebrate here! Well, for me. When I arrived at the castle, all I could say is that…

“What a sore eye,” I looked at the high ceiling and gigantic grand chandeliers, blinding to the eyes. 

Guests everywhere enjoy each other’s company. 

“Don’t say that,” Mark whispered.

I pouted and nodded quietly. We went to our group. Acadians are easy to find especially with our white outfits. I saw Jell just looking through the crowd. My boredom stroke me and all I could do was follow Mark. Wherever he might take me. I don’t care. 

I gave out a long sigh when we got to our seats. Jell looked in my direction and gave me an assuring smile. I smiled back and somehow accepted my situation. I looked down at my fingers and fidgeted with them.

“Eloise, about the evaluation-“ I cut him off. 

I get it already. I lost and I accept it. It would’ve been fine if I don’t have to go to Athanatoss.

“I’m fine, Jell. There’s nothing I can do about that,” my lips slightly rose in a small smile.

He nodded. “Yes, I know. But… the evaluation is not in my hands anymore.” 

My brows furrowed. My forehead formed a crease. “What do you mean?” 

I faced him completely. He inhaled before answering me. 

“The Moon Goddess is the one to choose. In the evaluation, only Phairro was chosen by the Moon Goddess.” 

Jell pursed his lips. I smiled bitterly. So, the Moon Goddess didn’t choose me. I committed to being the next Manodestra but the Moon Goddess didn’t even pick me. I shed so much time and effort just to be stuck in my previous situation. I nodded and swallowed hard. As if a rock just blocked my throat.

“Then, who am I to question the Phairro’s win? The Goddess itself chose him,” bitterness laced my voice. 

I wonder what Phairro has that I don’t. I’ve been a star angel that I became too confident at everything. I sighed in my dismay.

To be continued...