PROMISE

CHAPTER THREE

AMANDA

TO SAY I was shocked would have been an understatement of the century. We both stood there unmoving, gaping holes through each other. Millions of emotions flittered across my face as l stared into the eyes of the man l had loved nearly all my life. Judging by the expression on his face, he was experiencing the same emotions l was.

Grief flashed in his eyes before he quickly recovered and stared back in stark shock. He quickly recovered and maintained an impassive expression. To see that my presence didn't delight him in the least was like a dagger to my gut. It stung so much.

"Amanda l..." He cut off mid-speech by my outstretched hand. I schooled my features to seem like being near him after all this time didn't kill me on the inside.

"Nice to meet you Doctor Kyle. Samantha speaks so highly of you. I look forward to working and learning under you." There had been a lot of things I wished to do from under him once.

I swallowed down the bile rising in my chest. His eyes widened for a fraction of a second as he glanced from my hand still outstretched to my face.

"Likewise." Was his curt response as his eyes roamed my face.

He seemed confused and unsure by how to proceed for a minute. His eyes never left mine as his warm firm hand wrapped around mine in a touch so familiar l nearly sobbed. For the first time in a long time l felt at peace. Troubled, heartbroken but at peace.

"If l didn't know any better l would say you two know each other from somewhere. You could cut the tension in here with a knife." Samantha chuckled reminding us of her presence. During my heart breaking encounter with Kyle, it had completely slipped my mind that we weren't alone.

"The thing is..." Kyle started to say and l cut him off

"No, no. This is the first time we are meeting." I ignored his widened eyes imploring me to tell the truth.

"We're strangers." His jaw jumped when he realised what l was doing. Kyle had wiped me from his life, it was time for me to do the same. I was going to pretend I didn't care about him until he begged me to stop.

"Yes. We've never met." My impassive face was still intact but hearing those words from him hurt. I said them but that didn't mean he had to agreee with me.

"Now if you will excuse me, l have to get to an urgent meeting. I am already..." She checked her watch.

"Fifteen minutes late. Great. I would love to stay and chat but you are in capable hands. Doctor G will show you everything you need to know." With that she exited the office leaving me with Kyle.

We both stood there either of us knowing what to say. Finaly Kyle broke the silence.

"How have you been?" He asked me.

"What do you...mean?" I sighed at the absurd question, exasperated. Pulling my hair and screaming my voice away didn't seem like the best idea for my first day.

"How have l been?"

I stared at him in disbelief then blinked at him incredulously . He couldn't have been serious. It had to be a trick question right? Was he joking?

"You're joking right?"

"It's a genuine question."

As if you care!!

I wanted to scream, yell and hit something. Or someone. With Samantha gone, the space suddenly felt really small. I glared at him with my heart in my throat. He swallowed and shifted on his feet.

At least he had the grace to look dismayed. It elated me to know l had the power to render him uncomfortable. Then I became angry.

How dare he look f*****g uncomfortable?!

"No it's not. I don't see why you would care. Six years and that's the question you're gonna ask? Are you sure about that? Would you like a minute to think it through? Marvelous Kyle." I bit my lip mustering the courage to get through this without falling apart. I had never envisioned our reunion to be this stiff and off-putting. It was ridiculous. He was ridiculous.

"Don't do that. You know I..." I cut him off.

"What do l know? Trust me there are so many things I would like...no looovee to know. But as much as l would love to chitchat about our past, l don't think this is the right place and the time. I came here to do a job. So, we are simply colleagues and nothing more. I don't think l have to emphasize more, that this is strickly a professional situation."

What did he want me to say? That l was miserable and couldn't live without him. That the years we spent apart were one of the hardest to endure.

That his indifference and seeing him after so long was like a dagger straight to my soul.

"Is that why you lied to Samantha? Told her we were strangers." It didn't escape my notice that the way he addressed her was on a personal level. I squared my shoulders.

"But isn't that what we are?" I challenged and something flickered in his eyes but was gone before l could name it.

"I guess you are right." He muttered and my heart shattered. I said it but that didn't mean he had to outright agree with it. Again.

How dare he?!!

We didn't speak till he introduced me to the team. There were five interns and were all under his supervision mostly because he was the head of department. Despite everything, I was genuinely impressed but it was getting increasingly harder to ignore the heartache when I was this close to him.

"Each one of you have met your senior doctors which you are assigned to. Each of you are under strict observation for the next coming months. You will be evaluated and three assistants will be chosen as permanent residents here in PCH." I was still in awe of the fact that Kyle was in front of me.

The years had made their mark but he was still the same. They all went about to do their rounds and only Kyle and I were left.

"Umm... Amanda you are with me." My mind was racing and all l wanted to do was throw my hands in the air and run for the hills.

As if Kyle being my senior wasn't bad enough, l now had to work under him. There was a time when l didn't mind imagining being under him.

I blanched chastising myself for my wayward thoughts. Even with my heart hurting Kyle still had the same effects he once did.

I was a mess inside but l chose to shove all the unnecessary feelings very deep.

It was going to be easy. All l had to do was focus on my job and ignore the rest.

"Will that be a problem for you?" He asked hesitantly.

"Look Kyle we are both adults and l think we established that we nothing more than an intern and a supervisor. I have no problems with that." He nodded.

"Very well." He said and I stared him down.

"Do you?"

"Do I? No... No problem indeed. Not at all. Nada."

So curt and straight forward it was painful to witness. He stared at me for longer than necessary then turned to the door. I followed him with my heart in my throat.

The years had done nothing to dampen his looks. It was hard being this close to him and not notice the way he still smelled the same way but different. He was more manly. His arms sure did scream that out loud. How his eyes twitched when he was thinking about something. Or if something bothered him.

Not to mention the brooding expression that made me weak in the knees. The scrubs did nothing to hide the bulking muscles l knew were underneath.

The tight muscles l had always wished to explore with both my hands and tongue.

I shook my head trying to discard disturbing thoughts. It was all wishful thinking. His rejection stung like it was just yesterday. I was grateful he had left seconds before my confession.

Overall l was proud of the way l handled the situation. Underneath the bravado l was losing my cool. It made me wonder if he saw the pounding of my heart in my chest.

Could he see the effect his nearness caused? Kyle attracted me to him. He was a walking living magnet l was powerless to ignore.

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye and immediately regretted it. He was better looking than l remembered. His presence filled the halls of the hospital making the hair on my neck stand on end.

His confident nature had rubbed off me in the years l spent with him. He would always encourage me to stand up for myself.

You have so much confidence in you Amanda. Find it and own it.

Somehow l found that confidence and used it on him. If only he knew how much l had admired him at the time. Every word he uttered was gold to me. He could have told me elephants grew a beard and l would have believed him. That was why it hurt more when he told me he didn't need me in his life.

It was his fault. He had made me believe he would always be there. That there was something special brewing between the two of us. It couldn't have possibly been all in my head.

He'd say things like;

"At times l look at you and see the incredible woman you will become. I am so lucky that you are in my life Amanda. You are my lucky charm."

In my head I translated and thought he felt the same way l did.

Although six years my senior we had bonded in a way some people had found rather inappropriate. But it made sense to us. To me anyway. Our parents had been friends since high school hence our connection. But it had always felt like more.

I used to hate it when he treated me like l was his baby sister. But things changed along the way and l knew he saw me. As a person which l always wished for.

Being delulu was definitely not the solulu in my case.

In fact it had led to heartbreak and high expectations that I built all by myself.

His behaviour had changed when l turned sixteen. I had hoped that maybe he would see me as more than a friend when l turned eighteen.

We spent as much time together as we could. I'm not sure when l actually fell in love with him but l fell even harder each day l was with him.

It didn't matter that he was older and more experienced than l was. Or the fact that I was potentially a child in his eyes.

He was my ride or die. Our relationship was sometimes misunderstood and questioned at times. But it never bothered either of us. Well l thought so anyway.

It was just funny how our biggest and heartbreaking mistakes came wrapped up in beautiful gift boxes with ribbons.

Kyle Griffin was my biggest mistake and it was alarming that l had to keep reminding myself of that fact. In the past l was only a teenager with raging hormones. But now my mind had the creative skills of a professional it made me shiver.

There was no space or any chance of anything ever happening between us. I was now an adult that could separate personal life from work.

An adult that could accept a rejection with the grace of a queen.

We were strangers from onwards and l would keep reminding myself enough times until l believed it.

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