To Love A Princess

Chapter Eight

I found myself sitting at my desk writing in my journal late that evening. It had to be a little past one in the morning, and I instantly knew it would be another restless night. At dinner I kind of had that hunch since my father and I didn’t dare utter a word to one another. Not after the horrible argument we had yesterday. Looking at what I had written, I’d come to the conclusion that ever since the engagement, everything has gone downhill. Despite the fact that it is normal for my father and I to be on the same page, we’re arguing more than we did before the engagement. Then my mother falls ill and has a time limit on how much longer she’ll live. I’m not saying I blame anyone for any of this happening, but it’s not a coincidence that all this happens after my engagement to Prince Damen was publicly announced. 

What am I talking about? I really can’t blame anything or anyone. This is just how things are and I have to accept the fact that things are changing for the worst. But I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact how everything seemed to become worse after the engagement. None of it made sense honestly. But I also had to remember that in my life, nothing made sense. I let out a long yawn and glanced down at the paper. The words were swarming around my head like bees after you’ve damaged their hive. I had just about a billion thoughts in my head, causing my brain to go on overdrive. One can only hope that after tonight, my head will be much more clear. Because after tonight, I need to figure out a way to get out of this. I need to figure out a way to tell Olivia everything, and I mean everything. I just hope she doesn’t run away afterwards…

*****

The sunlight peeked through my curtains, the light shining in my eyes. Even though the curtains and my eyes were closed, the light still shone brightly. Turning over to the slightly less bright part of my, I let out a soft yawn and pulled the blankets up a little bit so it would reach my neck. As I drifted off to sleep, I heard voices coming from the other side of the door. My eyes immediately snapped open at the sound and they darted towards the door. I groaned and rolled onto my back. 

“Don’t people have anything better to do?” I muttered to myself. 

I sat up in the spot I laid in and ran a hand through my hair, detangling that one section in the process. My feet swung over the bed and I climbed into a pair of pink slippers with fur around the part my toes were. They clacked against the floor and I grabbed my pink robe from my chair that was placed at my desk. Pulling the fabric onto my body, I swiftly made my way over to the door and cracked it open. The hallway was empty. Typical. Just typical. Of course there’s no one out here when I’m getting ready to yell at someone. I sighed and closed the door. There’s no way in hell I’m going back to sleep now so I might as well go ahead and get my day started. 

Once I was dressed I looked at myself in the mirror and gave myself a small smile. A small, genuine smile. My lavender gown made my eyes king of pop in a way. The sleeves made of satin felt amazing against my skin. The diamonds that outlined the chest area of it, following the sweetheart neckline of the satin made me wonder if it was too much. I’m supposed to be seeing Damen later so we can discuss wedding details. And by wedding details, I really mean the situation our fathers got us into. Especially mine. 

“But I can’t worry about that,” I said aloud to myself, smoothing my dress in the process. “Everything will be alright. I will not have to marry Prince Damen because I will tell Olivia how I feel. Just need to find the right time.”

But what if she rejects me? What if she doesn’t even like women and I just wasted all this time worrying, no obsessing, over the fact that I need to tell her before it’s too late? Or what if she is into women but is already in a secret relationship with another?

Breathe Isabelle. You are going to be fine. There’s no need to panic. You and Olivia are really close friends, best friends, almost like sisters. There is honestly nothing we can’t get through. Her father’s death for example. It was a rough time and we hadn’t spoken for weeks. It took her three month’s time to get over it. He was ill for months and he began coughing, wheezing for air and then passed moments later. I don’t understand why she blames herself for it. 

“Maybe if I didn’t beg him to get that golden paint brush to complete my art brush collection, he wouldn’t have passed. He could have been taken care of immediately since he was supposed to stay on bed rest.”

The words began to play on repeat in my head. What probably hurts even more is her mother, Queen Harriett was there at the time of his death. I wouldn’t even be able to imagine if Olivia died right in front of me. It would break me. Shatter me into a million pieces. That goes for anyone I care about. Especially Damen, who’s been like a brother to me since day one. A brother I have to pretend to be in love with sadly.  

“Your highness,” a male voice spoke followed by a knock. 

“Who is it?” I asked walking over to the door. 

I pulled it open to reveal Damen standing there, wearing a pair of beige khakis and a plain blue button up shirt. 

“What are you doing here so early?” I questioned. 

“Well I knew you haven’t had breakfast yet so I thought you and I could have breakfast together,” he responded with a smile. 

“Uh huh. What are you really here for Damen?” I asked once more. 

“Okay fine you caught me,” he replied putting his hands up in surrender. “Can I come in?” 

I nodded and stepped to the side so he’d have room to enter. He stepped in taking a look around my room. I closed the door behind him and he chuckled. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“Your room is just so plain.” 

“Well what were you expecting? Flowers, stuffed animals and my entire room being pink?” 

“Not the entire room being pink.”

I nodded. “Not the entire room being pink. So what did you want to talk about?” 

“I’m just going to say it. We can’t get married.” 

“No kidding captain obvious.”

“What are we supposed to do now that our fathers have lost their minds?”

“We just… we just have to go along with it. I mean they’re literal Kings and we’re their children. I’m pretty sure that if we were to say we’re not getting married they’d be furious. Especially my father since it’s been a dream for him and my mother to see me marry some Prince who will take care of me once they’re gone. At least that is what he says.” 

Damen took a few steps towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder. My green eyes bored into his. “I’m sorry this is happening to you. I know this probably isn’t how you imagined your wedding.” 

I smiled. “Well if I’m going to be thrown into an arranged marriage, I rather go through it with you.” 

“We both know that’s not true,” he chuckled, removing his hand. 

“No I’m serious,” I told him. “You’re like the brother I never had but I wish I had. You’ve been there and so supportive and I can’t thank you enough. It seems like these days you’re the only person who knows the truth. You know the real me, not the me I have to pretend to be. You see behind the mask. No one else has or probably can.” 

At this point he began to tear up a little bit. He pulled me into a hug and I embraced his embrace. I rested my head on his shoulder for a moment before he pulled away. My body instantly grew cold from the loss of his touch. 

“We will get through this together. If there’s anything I can do to help or anything I have to change, I’m all ears.” 

I tapped my chin as if I were thinking even though I already knew what I was going to say. “Well there is one thing I need from you.” 

He sighed. “I was hoping there wasn’t but go on.”

“My father arranged a cake tasting for Monday. You have to come.”

“I was hoping that it would be today but guess I have to wait a couple of days.” 

I smirked. “So you mean to tell me that you did not travel all the way here just to tell me that we can’t get married?”

He frowned. “That was not the entire purpose of this trip. I was really hoping there’d be cake.” 

“Well sorry to be such a disappointment. So since you’re here, shall we have breakfast together?”

He extended his arm and I linked mine with his, giving him a small smile.

“We shall.” 

***

Later on in the afternoon, Damen had decided to bid me farewell so he could return to his kingdom. I’m not even sure that if he meant it when he said he was disappointed when he found out that the cake testing is on Monday and not today. But our breakfast was quite delicious. The staff had prepared omelets filled with cheese and different spices I couldn’t name. I'm starting to have the thought that they only prepare the better meals when Damen is here. After breakfast we took a stroll around the palace. We both agreed it’d be a good idea if people in the palace saw us together, just because we didn’t want to be outside for today and we can see for ourselves how the preparations are going. I know come Monday morning, the staff will be exhausted from baking. I need to remind myself to do something special for them. I can’t even imagine how much work they have to do just to bake a cake. Let alone multiple cakes. 

Once we finished our stroll that’s when Damen decided he was ready to leave. He had things to do on his end such as getting fitted for his suit, which I’m pretty excited to see him in. In all the time that I’ve known him, I’ve only seen him in a full suit twice. Once when he proposed just to get me to smile, and the other time being at the engagement party. It’s a little strange seeing him in a suit. As I escorted him to the stables as I always do when he’s getting ready to leave, he brought up a topic I’ve been trying to avoid.

“So with the wedding being a little over a week away, do you think you’ll tell Olivia how you feel?” he asked curiously. 

I sighed. “I don’t think so. It’s just too late. Everyone who was invited knows it’s been pushed up.”

He turned to look at me as he began to get his horse. “Isabelle, it's never too late. It’s just all about timing. It’ll be too late when the wedding day actually gets here and when the minister asks does anyone have a reason as to why these two should be married. Speaking of that, we need to talk about the actual wedding day. I know you don’t want to kiss me and don’t worry the feeling is mutual, but how in the world are we going to pull it off?” 

“We’ll discuss it on Monday. Now go before your tailors come over here to fuss at me for keeping you so long.” 

I watched as he climbed onto his horse and then he looked down at me. “Until Monday, mi Princesa.” 

“Until Monday mi Príncipe.” 

He pulled on the reins and let out a grunt. I watched as his speckled horse galloped into the distance, beyond what the human eye can see. 

Letting out a heavy sigh, I began to wonder what Olivia is up to. How much she has to do to make sure she looks amazing as always. To think that she could possibly ever love me is just a fantasy. I don’t believe in the fact that she likes women, when our whole lives she has talked about which Prince is more attractive. But that was before I knew I had feelings for her. And now that I do, I no longer can see her as a big sister. I see her as a lover who is also my best friend. People always tell me to marry your best friend and back then I didn’t know what that meant. I thought they really meant to marry your best friend no matter the gender and the two of you will be so happy together. But now that I’m older, I believe I have a better understanding of what they were saying. I believe they meant it in a way that you are supposed to marry the person you can wake up with at two in the morning and just talk until the sun comes up. Marry the person who has seen you at your worst and still thinks you are beautiful or handsome. The person who pushes you everyday to be the best version of yourself. Who will support your dreams no matter what. Someone you can call home and feel so safe and secure in their arms. The person who is your person. Your soulmate. But I’m thinking too far ahead. 

I don’t think that she feels the same way about me. I doubt that she’s even attracted to me in any way. I know what I want and there is no way anyone can tell me anything different.