A Different Kind of Therapy

chapter five

Taylor and Emma are playing on the swings trying to see how high they can go its the first thing they gunned for after lunch, Xander and I are sitting on the blanket "Xander I know its none of my business but where’s Taylors mom?" I finally ask the question that’s been running through my mind ever since this morning he looks at his hands and then stares of into the distance he was silent for a moment and then he spoke "she’s two towns over in a place called Greenoaks" he doesn’t look at me he just keeps staring into the distance like he’s reliving a memory realization dawns on me Greenoaks is a cemetery the same one I buried Elly in "we were high school sweethearts after high school we moved in together the very first night we lived together I surprised her by asking her to marry me and she said yes a year later we got married and after our honeymoon she surprised me by telling she was pregnant I can still remember the nervous look on her face when she told me but I was overjoyed, ecstatic actually. then came little Taylor this sweet bundle of joy and for a moment it was just the three of us but that very same year she got sick and she only got worse and then the doctor diagnosed her with {leukaemia} cancer then it went from just the three of us to the four of us Taylor ,me, his mother and cancer I put everything on hold and devoted all my time to her and Taylor and writing kept me from thinking too much with each book I wrote I read to her we went through everything the chemo the medication but nothing helped, she died of stage four cancer we buried her two years ago" he says his voice hoarse I move closer to him rubbing his back to try and comfort him his eyes met mine unshed tears pooling in his eyes it broke me too see him so hurt I would do anything to take that pain away I pulled him into a hug "I’m so sorry Xander I know there is nothing I can do or say to make you feel better but if you ever need a shoulder to cry on I’m here you can call me anytime day or night you can even come knocking on my door at one am if you feel like it" I say trying to comfort him I’ve never been good at the whole comforting people thing but I try I sit next to him again as he watches Taylor " sounds like you really love her, do you miss her?" I question trying to break the sense silence " yes I do,i miss her all the time but I try not to dwell on it too much the hardest part is when Taylor asks me about her I tell him as much as I can and try to be strong enough for the both of us but its hard sometimes" I can only imagine the pain he’s been going through looking after his sick wife and raising their baby only too lose the love of his life and be a single parent. "daddy why are you cwying" Taylor pops up out of nowhere "no buddy I just have a little sand in my eye" Xander tries to cover it up but I guess Taylor knows better and hugs his father "okay buddy why don’t you and Emma get dressed we don’t want you kiddos to get sick okay" Taylor nods at his after and run to Emma and they disappear into the house. my heart feels like it stopped a flood of emotions flooded through me envy, jealousy, sadness and disappointment, envy because I envy the love they so true and pure and the family they were.

jealous because I wanted love like that and a happy family like theirs, sadness because he lost the love of his life and seeing him in pain makes me feel physically sick and I like Xander more than a friend and I never thought I would ever find someone I wanted to have more than a friendship with and now I found someone but I cant act on my feelings to see if there is anything more than attraction because he’s still in love with is wife and he will always be and I respect that. I’m disappointed at myself for liking a guy I cant have and wanting his affection and I’m disappointed that I’m feeling this way but I now know Xander isn’t ready for a relationship and I don’t know if he ever will he already found the love of his life every woman he dates will just be him trying to find a piece of her and he wont because there’s only one of her and she’s gone. my heartaches as all those emotions pull me apart "Tessa are you okay?" Xander questions and I fake a smile trying to let him know I’m fine he looks at me like he knows somethings wrong but leaves it alone "we should probably go check on the kids" I say getting up Xander takes the basket and I pick up the blanket and made our way to the cottage.

the kids were watching SpongeBob on the couch all dry and in fresh clothes I set the blanket down on a table and went to the bathroom pulling of Xander’s shirt and pull my dress on over my wet underwear figuring wet underwear is better than no underwear. deciding that ill shower at home and hanging out Xander’s shirt over the towel railing to dry and step out of the bathroom the kids built a pillow fort behind one of the couches and were acting like they are dinosaurs and the fort was their home "Emmie do you know Tessa's favewoute dinosouw?" Taylor ask her and she shakes her no then looks at me expectantly playing along with them I extend my arms slowly flapping them around " the ones with the big wings that can fly and look at all the other dinosaurs playing on the ground I flap my arms and run around them hearing their giggles "and then I fly down" I kneel down and they follow my lead "and listen to all the other dinosaurs staying really quiet just waiting" I whisper and they stay quiet looking at me "waiting for what Tessa?" Taylor whispers just like I did "for the tickle monster" I tell them and they look at each other then jump up screaming and running into the kitchen I jump up and chase after them "you cant hide from the tickle monster" I say loudly seeing them hiding in them hiding behind the open backdoor I play dumb acting like I didn’t see them "oh where ever could they be" I say and walk past the door they bust it open and take off running back to the living room this time I catch them mercilessly tickling them as they fall on the carpet laughing trying to get away then a throat clears and I stop Xander stands there leaning on the archway the kids catch their breath getting up and run hiding behind Xander "how much of that did you see?" I had to know so I can know how deep of a hole I need to dig to burry either him or myself in "pretty much all of it and don’t worry love I even got it on camera" my ears turn red in a mixture of embarrassment and a blush "you have to delete that video Xander" I huff getting up from my spot on the carpet "okay ill delete it when we get back to your apartment because we have to get going now, so kids why don’t you guys go jump in the car and wait while Tessa and I lock up" the kids nod and run "promise you’ll delete that video" I beg "i promise tickle monster" and being the grown adult I am I just stick my tongue out at him and switch the tv off Xander has that smug look on his face as he locks the door and we get in his car.

the drive home wasn’t that long Xander explained that Taylor wont be going on the trip with us because he doesn’t have a passport yet and Taylor will be spending some time with his wife’s mother, Emma fell asleep in the car thank fully Xander being the gentleman he is carried her into my apartment and laid her down in the quest bedroom closing the door completely "okay ill see you in a bit love" Xander says and Taylor hugs me "baye Tessa" he whispers then meet his father outside Xander holds the car door open for him and shuts it when Taylor is inside and buckled up I wave as they pull away and I close my front door. a knock on the front door interrupts my packing thinking that it can be either two people my brother hear to pick up Emma or Xander I just yell that its open and continue packing I hear the front door closing luckily for I was almost done "don’t you look lovely dressed in my favourite colour" that was a voice I know all too well my stomach turn I spin around "je-Jerry wh-what are you doing here?" I question "well I just came here to pay that little boyfriend of yours a visit to teach him a lesson for busting up my face when I was just trying to show you a good time" he takes a step closer and I take a step back "show me a good time? Jerry you f*****g drugged me and you better stay away from Xander or I swear.." "you’ll what Tessa hit me? You don’t have the balls but since that boy toy of your isn’t here I’ll just use you to send him a message" he smiles evilly making my skin crawl taking a few steps towards me I take a few steps back bumping against my bed side table my hands grabbing hold of the lamp on it behind my back "I’m really going to enjoy this" afraid and a little mad I swing the lamp at his head breaking it over his head I take of running but he grabs me before I could even move "that hurt you b***h" he pulls me by my hair and throw me against the bedside table hitting the front of my head hard I fall to the floor onto the broken glass shards, pricking pain shoots up the side of my body I can feel warm liquid running down the side of my face I pull out a big shard of glass from my leg and throw it down I try and get up a hand collides with my face and I fall back down everything hurts my head, the side of my body and my face my vision a bit blurry I hold my throbbing head flinching at the pain Jerry rolls me over onto my back then gets on top of my I hit him in the face "feisty I like it rough" he says pinning my hands above my head when I try and take another swing at him.

his free hands slides up my thigh and I struggle underneath him "let go of me you sick bastard " I say trying to tug my hands free "why would I let go were only getting started" he smiles down at me ripping my underwear off the material shredding I try and kick him but its no use and I cant scream for help because then Emma will l wake up and I don’t want Emma to see this or even worse him doing this to he. I struggle against him but its no use feeling helpless I try the only thing I had left tears pricking my eyes "jerry please don’t do this please I beg you" tears stream down my face "that’s right beg it will just make it all the more fun" he hit e on my stomach letting go of my arms I hold my stomach not then he slaps me across the face he lips his body to his knees undoing his pants I curl over in pain holding my stomach "please don’t do this" I beg pinning my arms above my head he riles my dress up my thigh "get off of me" I yell instantly regretting it when I think of Emma tears streaming down my face then the weight on me disappears sit up my back against the bed Xander was hovering over Jerry his fist colliding with his face blow after blow until his face was b****y an bruised "you sick f**k" Xander hits him a sigh of relief washes over me seeing Xander "Xander" I whisper silently to myself but he hears me seeing my state he rushes to me holding my face in his hand while also combing the hair out of my face with his fingers "Tessa? f**k look at you we need to get you to a doctor" concern laced in his voice his eyes assessing my injuries I pull myself up to my feet my arm holding my stomach "Emma" I breathe "just sit down I will check on her" he leaves me alone with Jerry still laying on the floor.

"you f*****g asshole" I kick him in his groin he grunts and I kick him again and again "Tessa stop" Xander pulls me away holding me to his chest a sob escapes me and I hold on to him "Emma is still sound a sleep" he rubs my back I flinch when his arm grazes over a piece of glass stuck in my side "oh my god, Tessa your bleeding everywhere" he leads me to the bathroom "is there medical supplies here somewhere?” he looks through the vanity coming across a medical box he pops it open I look at the glass stuck in my side I slowly pull it out a painful yelp leaves my lips I throw the glass on the floor breathing heavily hearing it thunk down against the tile. "get out please Xander?" I plea hoping he would just leave me alone for a moment in the bathroom so can clean myself up he angrily shakes his head no throwing out the content of the box on the next to the basin "Xander please?" "NO!" anger rolling off him in waves his jaw clenching, his hands holding the side of the vanity his nuckles turning white "your insane if you think I’m going to leave you alone in a bathroom bleeding from almost every part of your body right after you almost got r***d a minute ago. so do what you need to do but I’m not leaving your side” he orders I stay silent though out all this madness I feel save knowing his here. I pull my dress over my head throwing it in the basin now only in my underwear Xander watches me anger burning in his eyes well I have to admit this isn’t exactly how I thought he would see me half n***d and I definitely didn’t think he would have a murderous look in his eyes when he saw me like this for the first time, trying not to over think it I focus on the task at hand taking the tweezers I pick out the glass from my thigh and hip winching some of the cuts are deep and some are just light scrapes. "Xander, I want to shower" he nods and leaves me alone stripping off my undergarments I turn the water on in the shower and get in cuts and scrapes burn the water mixed with blood flowing down my the drain tears pooling in my eyes I slide down the tile wall behind me pulling my legs to my chest not caring about how much it physically hurts me I just sit there water rushing down on me Jerry was so close to doing it if Xander didn’t show up when he did he would have r***d me. I hate that I had no control when he pushed himself on me his disgusting hands on me I felt so helpless so useless but most of all I felt worthless. I sob into my hands "Tessa are you okay?" Xander’s voice comes through the door I just ignore him trying to block out the sounds and the feelings "Tessa open the door please" his voice becoming faint "Tessa I’m coming in" then the door flies open he rushes to the shower turning off the water he kneels down beside me moving the wet strands of hair sticking to my face away his hands cupping my face "Tessa talk to me" I stay silent trying to pull myself together Xander wraps a towel around me and picks me up cradling me in his arms he sets me down on the bed I pull the towel closer to me covering up my exposed nakedness noticing Jerry’s body is gone I panic Xander sees the worry and fear in my eyes "relax Tess the police are here they arrested him they just want to take your statement" he explains and I glance at his hand his nuckles are swollen and busted open "Xander your hand, I’m so sorry" I feel bad knowing his hand is busted up but I don’t feel bad that he saved "where’s Emma?" he smiles at me "there’s the Tessa I know, she’s fine she’s watching cartoons" a smile spreads across my face I get up and go through my closet for underwear Xander still sitting on my bed "do you mind" I wait for him to leave but he just sits there "actually I do mind the last time I left you alone I found you like an emotionless zombie scared the crap out of me by the way, and now that I have you back to your natural self I’m not letting you have another breakdown and become a zombie again' he says getting up from where he sat on the bed tucking his hands in his pockets I scoff rolling my eyes "fine but turn around please" he does as told and with his back facing me I drop the towel and pull on my underwear i let him know I was done and he turns around moving past me to the bathroom he comes back with bandages his hands warm against my skin as he wraps up my waist he’s eyes never straying from my wounds I wrap up my leg and get dressed in a jean and loose shirt paired with flats I cover up the bruise on my head with some makeup then give myself a once over in the mirror I look like my old self again.

I pull Xander into the bathroom cleaning up his hand I look up at him my eyes finding his "thank you for saving me and watching out for me" I say standing on my toes I wrap my arms around his neck hugging him his arms snake around my waist careful of my injuries pressing me closer his scent intoxicating as always comforts me. I kiss his cheek before letting go of him a knock sounds at the bedroom door "miss Rubel we would like to take your statement if your ready" I sigh I might as well get this over now

the airport wasn’t as busy as I though it would be making the whole procedure a lot faster my father got us all business class tickets and we were now waiting for the flight to take off Xander sitting next to me texting Emma was playing with her dolls and her parents are watching her with smiles on their faces talking about something Jennifer rubs her stomach so they must be talking about how Emma is going to react when the baby comes my parents were looking at sight seeing pamphlets and a bunch of brochures and talking about what they want to do when we get there grandma was reading the book I gave her 'fifty shades of grey' that will keep her busy for a while I even brought the other two books that follow up on the first one just for in case gran gets weird ideas in Greece, grann read something that shocked her and then she looks over at me form the other side of the plane "Tessa did he really tie her up in s*x dungeon your granddad should’ve tried that with me I would have tazzed his frickin nuts off” she shouts from her seat then laughs and when back to reading everyone looked at me my cheeks heat up and I just look in front of me a boy that looks the age of ten was s leaning over his seat to look at me I just stick my tongue out glaring at him and he sat back down "not to sound rude love but I think your gran might be a tad bit crazy" Xander says next to me "you have no idea" I sigh and the flight attendant tells us that we are about to take off.

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