The Essence of Eternity - Awaken

Chapter III - The First Kiss

Kellan was there waiting for me when I landed. Both my parents liked Kellan a lot; well what’s not to like? Just a year older than me, he was studying in the University to be an engineer and he was so very kind, always a gentleman. He was very tall and really well built. His eyes are the wonderful green of the never ending Irish fields and his hair was so black they almost seem unreal sometimes. He was undeniably gorgeous and open hearted. When we first met I was ten. It was during one of the first trips I made to Galway and I had nobody to spend my days with apart from my dad. I enjoyed staying with him after work but I was alone most of the day. I used to spend my time exploring the fields around my dad’s house. One day, as I was wandering in the fields, I saw a huge dog running toward me and I froze. In a matter of seconds I was lying on my back on the ground and the dog was all over me, wagging his tail and licking my face. I was so scared I almost pissed myself! I heard someone laughing; I was getting ready to start a fight when I laid my eyes on him. He was small, short and harmless and his eyes were magical. I was so accustomed to my imaginary friends that for a moment I thought I was looking at a fairy boy but no, he was actually real.

The dog’s name was Lucy and he was walking it for some cash. The only thing I could focus on was those green eyes and I knew at that moment that for the first time in my life I wanted someone to be my friend. He came close and gave me his hand to help me stand; he told me his name and I couldn’t help but love his accent and his joyful eyes. He asked me for my name. It was the first time in my life that someone my age was interested in me, and didn’t look at me like I was from out of space. He had not been outside Galway ever in his life so he enjoyed mind-traveling to Greece through my words, my descriptions and my stories.

We spent hours playing together in the woods, walking to the lake making up stories or just reading our books and enjoying silence. We made plans to travel the world. We took Lucy out together and then spent every pound buying second hand books from a small bookstore in town, called O’ Mulley’s, best shop ever! I remember the book keeper. She was so kind with us. The books in there were unique and a feeling of coziness and relaxation filled my soul every time I entered that shop.

Around the age of fourteen I spent more than a year away from Ireland. I did not want to visit my father; adolescence and my changing body had made me really depressed and I did not feel like traveling. I was becoming tall and clumsy and I was ashamed of myself; I was ugly. I did not want Kellan to see me like that. He kept sending me emails and messages during that time, and he was really annoyed. He did not understand why I did not want to see my dad or him. I was really gloomy and miserable. When I finally decided to visit again I was already sixteen. A totally different Kellan was waiting for me. He was seventeen, almost a man, very tall and really good-looking. I was an ugly, clumsy and a bit chubby girl, so never would ever happen between us. Besides I still saw him as the short annoying boy from that field. Love was not an option, but our friendship was holding up well.

*****

Friday 12:15, April 30th, 2010, Galway airport

I walk to the luggage pick up area and there he is, waiting for me for my big eighteenth birthday party. I fell so happy to see him. He looks so nice. He is handsome as always but with a different aura. I guess university really works for him. He starts telling me about Edinburgh; his two roommates and some friends. A twenty year old girl called Sarah from France and a nineteen year old fellow student named Dylan from Manchester and how they have prepared my room. He keeps going on and on, about the rent being cheap, the bus station being so close, the wonderful castles and the city center that I will love. He tells me about a really nice bookshop that he spends many hours at and the restaurant they usually eat; how we are going to have long walks and dreamy evenings having coffee and reading our books and he does not shut up… until all of a sudden I reach up and I kiss him! It is a nice, soft on the lips kiss, nothing special but it is actually the first romantic contact we ever have. It’s an impulse. He is really surprised and he just stands there frozen.

I do not know why I did that; maybe just to shut his mouth, maybe because he was so damn gorgeous standing there in front of me, maybe because I am feeling so happy and independent to turn eighteen. He is speechless finally…He takes my luggage and walks to the car without another word.

He drives me to my dad’s house. It’s a short drive but all the way he does not say anything. Dad is at the door waiting for me; he hugs me and hurries me inside the house. He has prepared lunch but Kellan declines kindly. He looks at me really intensively, like he is confused. Finally he gives me a hug and off he goes.

I walk upstairs to my room. I haven’t been in here for more than six months but it is still as I left it. Dad has not touched anything while I was gone. This room is dedicated to me and nobody enters. The lady, who helps with the house, cleaned it so it is tidy and smells nice. I love this smell. It smells Irish! God, I love this country.

After I take a shower to relax and get clean, I go in the kitchen to catch up with my dad and eat, but my mind is travelling back to the airport. I cannot stop thinking about the kiss. Why did I do that? Was I just fooling around? Where could this lead? I am not in love with Kellan obviously, although it did feel good! I just hope that I did not break things with us, especially since I am moving in with him in a couple of months. That would be really weird. He was looking at me strangely. He did not seem so happy and relaxed. I guess it was kind of stupid. Maybe I need to apologize. Later...

The food is delicious and seeing my dad is wonderful. We share our news and he wants to know everything about the University. He talks about the pub and how things are going well lately. It just feels like home.

The most incredible thing in Ireland has always been the naps! I practically pass out once I hit that couch in Dad’s living room, next to the fire place. Probably it is the weather and the heat from the burning wood but it feels very nice and relaxing. I sleep very soundly and when I wake it is already evening.

I turn on the TV to hear that it is a very sad day for Ireland, as some guy named Gerry Ryan, has been found dead in his apartment. I have never heard of this guy before. In Greece we do not get to see his shows, but it seems it is a big deal for Irish people and I can’t help but feeling a bit down. I decide that since it is my first day here, I have the right to skip bad news, so I turn off the TV and put on some music. My dad is long gone for the pub and I have the place to myself; I turn the music really loud and Candice’s voice fills the room.

A timeless and forgotten place,

the moon and sun in endless chase,

each in quiet surrender, while the other reigns the sky....

…

In all of nature's sorcery,

the most bewitching entity,

hell can have no fury, like the rising of the storm...

I so love this song, I love the lyrics. Since the first time I heard it, it spoke to my heart. It seems like a message to me. The most beautiful thing I have inherited from my parents is their taste in music. In the early years it seemed like my dad was trying to implant this music in me, by forcing me to listen to the same songs again and again. Nowadays I can really appreciate the melody and the beauty of such songs.

I leave the music on and go in my room to decide what to wear; I search my bags for a while but decide to go with my jeans, a black T-shirt and my favorite black jacket. Tomorrow I will wear something special, since it will be my party and all, but tonight I just need to feel comfortable. I will have fun, with my best friend in my daddy’s pub, my favorite place in the world! I will drink and enjoy the music. It is close to 45F outside; not an unusual temperature for Ireland but blood is Greek and I am cold! I take my jacket and my scarf, put on my gloves and head out.

I open the door to find Kellan there sitting on our porch, waiting for me. I freeze again, just as I did that first day we met. I cannot understand what is hiding in his eyes and I fully realize what other girls find so special in this gorgeous, sexy guy. Today I can value him as a man and not an annoying boy I find him indeed attractive.

"Hey pretty lady, how are you? Did you get your Irish beauty sleep?" Oh my God he knows me so well…

"Yep got some, not much!" Totally a lie…I almost fainted there…

"So explain…"

That’s my Kellan…straight to the point! What does he expect though? An apology? A love confession? What is he doing here? I created all this mess but now I need to clarify it.

"You could not shut up and I was so happy to see you and I did that and I am sorry."

"So you thought it was a good idea to kiss me to shut up!"

"I don’t know…something like that!"

I wish I knew what he is thinking. He takes a long time before he speaks again.

"Ok, no harm done…Nice kiss, by the way, pumpkin!"

Only Kellan uses that nickname for me. He says my head is as orange as a sweet pumpkin. What does he mean by nice kiss? Is he comparing me to his other girls now?

"Should we go now? I really need a drink and some nice music. What you listened to in there made me want more!"

How long was he out here? How cute is this Irish accent! I need to stop that…

"You were eavesdropping on me?"

"Noooo, just your music was so loud; only a deaf would ignore it."

He talks on but my mind is reeling with mixed feelings. I said that the kiss didn’t matter, it was nothing but now that he seems to agree I am confused and a little bit angry. Doesn’t he care at all for me? He is so indifferent. It never crossed his mind in the past? Ok, drop it, I command myself. It’s better this way; one less thing to think about. I will have fun tonight and tomorrow I will devote the day to my mum and my party and in a few months I am off for a new life…Where I will see Kellan everyday with all his girls, every night partying and kissing and maybe even having s*x…

"Pumpkin?" He startles me back into the moment.

"What?"

"Are you in?"

"In for what?"

"Ok here we go again…I just said that Alicia is having a party tonight, at her place since her parents are out of town and I am invited…and so are you – my plus one! Are we going?"

Who is Alicia I wonder. "No." I say. "You go. I want to spend time at my dad’s pub tonight."

Kellan sighs.

"We can go after we stay at the pub for a while…if you feel like it."

"You don’t need to do this, you know. I can take care of myself and stay alone at the pub; anyhow my dad is there…"

"Yep and usually he carries a gun, so I will not be held responsible for abandoning his favorite person alone, the night before her birthday. We are going to Alicia’s together, or staying at the pub together, if you don’t want to go to the party."

"Who is Alicia, Kellan?"

"She is the blond girl from the bakery, next to O’ Malley's."

Oh s**t…Alicia is just drop dead beautiful. And I am in my jeans and a t-shirt. What’s the matter with me? I should not care about these things. I am fine in my jeans, and I have lost that extra pound I wanted to get rid of. My hair is fine and I smell nice. It will be fun. And if Kellan wants her, fine. Maybe I need to start getting used to this before I move in with him. Maybe I will find somebody to flirt with.

Entering the bar I see all my dad’s friends and everyone wants to give me a hug and a kiss, so Kellan takes his pint and he is off to our favorite table at the back corner of the pub, next to the window. Once I am done, I grab my drink and join him.

"What is this thing you are drinking? Can’t you just enjoy a nice pint?"he makes fun of me.

"Well this, my friend, will make me happy without making me pee ten times per hour!"

I always had a thing with beer and the need to go take a pee. Vodka on the other hand does not give me the same need and with only a second drink I am happy. My dad knows that, so he is pouring more cherry juice than vodka in my glass, but again three or four drinks will do the job and tonight I want to get light headed.

"So tell me about your Uni," Kellan asks.

And I tell him all about the University, about my Fine Arts classes, and how I hope that I will have time to devote myself to drawing and writing, as I always wanted. I tell him about all my fears that I will be average compared to the rest. And he listens as he always did. We are back to normal. I don’t see gorgeous, mysterious Kellan sitting at the table opposite of me, I see my only friend; the one that knows me better than anyone else in this world, even if we spend most of our time away from each other.

And then he starts telling me about the house, the guys, Edinburgh and how it feels to live independently. He is working as a bartender to be able to pay rent as he has decided to take no money from his parents. I admire him. Now I understand why this person has been my best friend ever, I respect his courage, his passion, his humbleness…he is my Kellan; my best friend, my brother. And before we know it, it’s already long after midnight…

"So… do you want to go to this party or you feeling sleepy pumpkin?"

"Let’s go…and stop calling me pumpkin, especially in front of other people. I will kill you if you bring this up in Edinburgh!"

"You are my pumpkin…no one else needs to know!" He twinkles and I sigh…

We walk directly to Alicia’s house and after the three vodkas my head is already spinning a bit; the clear cold air feels so nice on my face. The house is an old big mansion, made entirely out of wood and stone. It stands there imposing, which reminds me of Alicia herself. The garden is trim and the small bushes are shorn in different shapes. I can see statues all around and a small fountain in the middle. It’s not overloaded at all and indeed impressive. A woman opens the door for us and I find it quite strange for a family that owns a bakery shop to have such a mansion, not to mention a maid. The inside of the house is as impressive as the outside. There is vintage furniture everywhere and large frames with portraits of various people. I guess they must be her parents or even grandparents. Impressive, but again I would hate to live in such a house as it would remind me of a mausoleum; I prefer smaller residences, like my dad’s home, or my mum’s apartment. However, I cannot deny the fact that this house displays wealth and power. That’s another thing Alicia has over me!

The party is overcrowded and I do not know anyone, so I go straight to the bar to pour myself a drink and give Kellan some time to meet his friends. I prepare my favorite vodka with cherry and I see Alicia. She is walking toward Kellan looking very elegant and sexy. She is hugging him and kissing him on the cheeks. She is damn gorgeous, what in hell do they eat here in Ireland? Or is it the water? She has long blond hair, blue eyes and a model-like body which is barely covered tonight. Her legs are so well built and sexy and of course you can see a lot of cleavage! Kellan can have access to much flesh if he moves his arms around her but he does not. He stands there like a solid rock, watching her and talking to her, casually. Maybe he does not want to make me feel uncomfortable. He knew I did not know anyone when he asked me to come to this party. She laughs and continues touching him and he stands there. I so want to throw something in her beautiful face, like my drink. Is this what Kellan was aiming for? Making me jealous or showing me how much other women desire him? Fine, I get the point. It is better that I leave the room before I do something I will regret when I am sober.

I need some air, so I go out on the balcony. The minute I step foot on the terrace I feel something different. Like a shift of air. There is something strange out there, pulling me to it. I am not alone. Someone else is here; I look around and at the far corner of the terrace I see a man standing.

It feels weird. It feels as if I know. Do I know him? Have I met this guy before? I cannot see his face and the drinks do not help me have clarity at the moment. But he is familiar…  All I see is his back but I know. It’s him. He is here!

He is really tall; taller than Kellan. He has long ebony hair that falls in waves on his neck and he is dressed in black. Something is pulling me to him. I approach hesitantly when he turns and faces me. He stares at me but he does not smile. O M G! He cannot be real. No, no way. He is not real! He is a God! I am lost in his sexy, dark blue glare. His perfect lips stay sealed and his awesome body is rigid and tensed. He has the most incredible gaze but he looks dark… very dark. He seems so mysterious and sad. I stare into his eyes and I am transfixed. I hear somebody talking to me from behind.

"Tita, are you ok?"

"What?"

As I turn my head, just for a moment, to see it is Kellan, and the mysterious man is gone. It is like he vanished. Where did he go? I look around for him but he is nowhere to be seen. Did I just imagine him? Am I so drunk? Was I just annoyed by Alicia and Kellan and I created him in my mind? Before I met Kellan, when I was really young, I used to create fantasy friends all the time. Then Kellan covered that empty spot and until today I had not imagined anyone new. Did I really see him? He was way too divine to be real. These men do not exist in real life. Irritated and confused, I turn my attention back to Kellan who is standing next to me, asking me something.

"What? What do you want Kellan?"

"I said are you ok? Why are you standing out here in the cold alone?"

"I was not alone!" Was I? I am sure he was here. My first urge is to say

"Well maybe because I did not want to see you drooling over Alicia any more."

But then I think, is that even fair? Wasn’t it totally the opposite way? Kellan only stood there, and she kept touching him, so I let it go.

"I needed the fresh air…"

"Do you want to leave? Do you feel sick?"

"No I am fine. Just feeling a bit underdressed in here…"

"Come on…You are beautiful. How many times do I need to tell you?"

What? When has he ever told me before? I try to think…well the drinks don’t help! I put on my awkward flirty smile.

"Just once more I guess."

And now it is his turn to lean in and kiss me. But this kiss is not as mine was, soft and gentle; this kiss is deep and passionate and breath-taking. His hands are touching my face and then they travel along my body. It lasts long but I do not want him to stop. I open my eyes and I see Alicia standing at the door, staring at us and I break free. Kellan looks confused and discouraged, so I dart my eyes toward Alicia to let him know. He puts on his good smile and turns to face whoever this is.

To my surprise he informs Alicia that we are going to leave, because I am so tired by my trip this morning. Tomorrow it’s my birthday and we will be at the pub, and she can drop by…it’s an open party.

I am shocked. Did he just invite her to my party? And with a smile after he just kissed me? She stands there smiling back and tells him she will be there. No, all these did not just happen. There is something odd happening here. I am starting to hear things now as well as see them!

He grabs my hand and leads me out the front door.

I barely manage to grab my coat on my way out, and I feel so annoyed. I am freezing now, so I quickly put on my coat; Kellan pulls me into his arms and starts kissing me again. Since we are all alone in the street his kiss becomes more enthusiastic and strong. And then it hits me. I really don’t mind him kissing me…his touch is so sexy and strong and yet so familiar to my body without having him touched me ever before. His arms are all around me and we cannot stop. It’s like I have lost my ability to think clear. I know this is stupid. This cannot keep going; we need to be just friends if we want to live under the same roof with no problems. But it feels so good.

I suddenly remember that I am annoyed with him for inviting Alicia to my party and I push him away. He is watching me hypnotized and tries to pull me close again but I start yelling at him, for everything. For Alicia drooling on him, for flirting back, for inviting her to my party, for dragging me to this party just to see him flirt around and I go on and on. He does not say anything but shuts me up with another kiss and this time he is too strong for me to free myself. His kiss is sinfully erotic. I have no option but to stay there enjoying it. I stop thinking and enjoy this kiss. Maybe it’s the last one we will ever have. Well for sure it MUST be the last one…Tomorrow we will be just friends again and he will not be able to blame me, this is all his doing, well apart from this morning and my jealousy crisis before!

After really long time kissing me, he pulls back. Just like that! He is looking into my eyes but he does not speak for a while. Like he is evaluating the situation, or maybe reconsiders what he did. Does he regret it? Will he say something…ever? He touches his lips, as he does when he is nervous, I love this habit he has.

"Come on, I will walk you back home?"

"Ah?" I am stunned. I try to sound calm. My heart is beating like crazy.

"No it’s fine, I am fine, I can walk…it’s so close and Galway is the safest place in the world…"

How do I even sound so cool? Inside me I am still panting!

"Nope…no way this is happening. Walk!” he commands. He starts walking me home and continues.

"I am really happy we will celebrate your birthday together for the first time."