The Essence of Eternity - Awaken

Chapter VII - Mary Ann's story

It’s already seven in the evening when I finish the dishes, so I decide to get my laptop and surf the internet for a while and check my emails. It’s the first time I’ve done this since I arrived in Ireland. I have four new emails from my University informing me about the class schedule, about the campus and the living opportunities, as well as the city of Edinburgh. They also have sent me some forms I need to fill in and send back with my personal details. I have an email from my mum telling me that everything was fine with her flight and that I should call her whenever I have some time. I have a lot of junk emails from addresses I do not recognize and I start throwing them away.

Once I finish, I decide to search for the Samhain festival. I get so many sites! In various eras and religions the Samhain festival meant different things but it is nowadays connected with the Halloween celebrated in many countries or the Night of the Dead celebrated in Spain. I also search for Celtic myths and Gaelic folklore. I don’t really enjoy reading on the screen but it is the fastest way to get your hands on information.

One search leads to another and I start from basic history of Ireland and move backward in time to the people of Danu; the battles with the previous wave of inhabitants of Ireland; the four cities and the kings and families that led mortals and immortals. I can’t stop thinking that these might be my ancestors in these stories. Can this be the story my great grandmother used to tell to my dad? There are too many names, too many kings and queens, and it gets so confusing. I decide to close the laptop and take a nap.

In my sleep I revisit a story…a familiar story! I see my grandmother’s face, at least as I think I remember her. I was six when she died but I am sure it is her. She is telling me that I am special, don’t all grandmothers say that? She tells me that my blood is different -strong and royal; I should lead an army, the army that will rise from the underground. An army full of immortals…I am their Queen. My family used to be noble.

She says to me, "I have been talking to them and they expect you. You will be their fearless Queen and the dark angel will follow you till your paths are one!"

Did she say the dark angel? Could she mean Dubhghall? He is not an angel though! He can’t be. Angels do not take lives and harm people as he said. How did my grandmother die? I actually don’t know much about my grandparents. My mum's parents had died in an accident so neither my dad nor my mum speaks of them. I need to ask my dad about it.

When I wake up it’s already half past eight. I turn on my music and get in the shower. Despite all these things happening in my life at the moment, this house still feels like a shelter to me and in my shelter I enjoy sleeping and listening to music really loudly! I get dressed and I go out.

I decide that I am not going directly to the pub tonight. I want to spend some time in the fields. As I walk deeper into the countryside, I start feeling really great. I look around and realize that I can see very well even though it is getting really dark. I had not noticed that before. I can also hear everything around me really clearly. I hear the whisper of the trees and the song of the air and the mumbling of…who really? I don’t see anyone else but I guess it can be the wind transferring voices of people from really far away. I can sense different aromas and identify various flowers and plants. Now I can truly appreciate all those lessons my dad desperately wanted to give me about nature! I promise myself to plant the flower left on my bed tomorrow morning, before I go to work.

I keep walking and suddenly I see a faint light coming from under a tree far away. I approach slowly and carefully, keeping a safe distance. I cannot see anything but I sense it is Kellan standing there speaking to someone…something? I cannot figure out the form of the creature in the light, as I am keeping my distance and I hear only whispering. Suddenly there is a sense of urgency in Kellan’s mind and the light goes out. Kellan is walking back towards me and although I cannot see his face, I am sure he is not smiling; his thoughts are dim and threatening. I try to hide and wish I could become one with the ground! I lie down with my back on the ground and suddenly I feel the earth moving around me. It is growing rapidly and the grass is covering me. Wow! This is awesome!

I am in the ground, but I don’t feel claustrophobic or suffocated. I feel good; wonderful actually! I am completely hidden all wrapped up with grass and Kellan walks right past me - I am invisible to the human eye.

When I know he is gone I ask Earth to free me and thank her for her help. It was indeed remarkable. I stand up thinking I must be covered in dirt but when I look down at my clothes they are as clean as new. Again, thank you, Earth, for that. I walk to the tree but when I reach it I do not see anything. I feel something strange in the air, though. I am uneasy and this must mean that whatever was here was not really on the good side! I turn around to see Dubhghall standing a behind me.

Once I smile and he sees acceptance he moves instantly to stand in front of me, really close to my body. The proximity raises my heart beat and my mind goes where it probably shouldn’t... He smiles. I am sure I am blushing but it is dark so I don’t really mind.

"Hello my lady. You are really beautiful tonight," He says.

I look at my clothes and I am thinking he can’t see clearly, as I am only in black tights and a black top.

He goes on, "You are very different from five days ago. I have watched you all your life and you were beautiful and special but since you completed the change, you are gorgeous! Every day you become even more attractive!"

"Well, no I am not"

"My lady, you have hair of the color of the sunset and eyes of the color of the fields. Your lips are full and scarlet red as blood. Your body is curvy and healthy and fertile as the earth itself. What is not special about you?"

"Dubhghall, please…" I am blushing again.

"Titania look, I don’t know how it is with your kind, when and how you need to identify your nature and powers. I was wrong to believe that you could comprehend everything at once. I am sorry for that, and I am sorry about getting angry at you yesterday. The truth is that I have been walking this world for many years looking for you. Eighteen years ago I felt your birth in the world of humans. I regained hope of finding you. I am here for you. I am here to be your follower, your partner, your supporter in your journey and believe me it will be a difficult one. There are many things you need to learn and enemies to worry about, but you are not alone! Here you are home. Nature is your shelter and everything around us can feed you and strengthen you and provide you with all the help you may need. When you are ready you need to call out for them."

"Them? Who are they?''

"You will see when the time comes. I do not want to spoil the surprise." He smiles? That’s new.

"I hate surprises." I answer.

"No you don’t! Anyhow, deep inside you, I am sure, you already know! Things were easier in the past, when mortals and immortals were closer. Now you need to invite them to you."

"When was this past?"

"Long before Christ walked the earth. Immortals were always here."

"So you are an immortal?"

"Yes.

“Were you born?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Time is not the same for me and you my lady. I would say quite a few centuries ago…"

"God, you are old!" I exclaim.

 He is definitely smiling now and I love this smile. He is so handsome. He does not look older that twenty or something. I can’t help wondering if I can look as good as him after a few thousand years.

"So you cannot die?"

"Of course I can die. I am trying hard not to though."

"Where were you all these years?"

"I have been everywhere; all around the world. For many centuries I slept underneath the earth. I was waiting for a reason to be awakened, and then you came to the world of mortals and I knew you were the one I needed to find, even before I was awake."

"Were you were born in Ireland?"

"No, I arrived on the island when Danu did. I came from The Isle of Man. I followed the Goddess. She promised me that I would find my lady here. I fought hard for her for ages. After many battles there were few of us left and we decided to go underground where we could be in touch with Mother Nature and leave the upper world to mortals. We do walk this world from time to time without restriction though."

I am shocked to hear the name of the goddess. So indeed it is these stories I remember."When you say we, who do you mean?"

"Immortals of any kind."

"How many kinds are there?"

"Many…"

"Are vampires one of these kinds?"

"Yes indeed, a lower kind."

"What do you mean?"

"Vampires were created by immortals or Gods that had gone bad. It does not mean they are all evil but they are not the same as you."

"What am I?"

He smiles. "I am surprised I need to tell you that but you, my lady, are a fairy!"

"What?" I gasp.

"You are a Fairy Queen! Actually, you are THE Fairy Queen, as at the moment there is no other queen walking the earth!"

"I don’t understand…"

"The last Queen of the fairies was killed centuries ago, and that is the reason why your change means so much."

I don’t believe him. "What? No way, no way! Those are children’s stories, bullshit! You are making fun of me!”

"I thought you would know by now…" He seems sad and confused that I don’t believe him.

"Well I don't! Nobody told me anything like that!"

"My lady, this is not something someone can tell us. This is something that we identify alone. Don’t you feel the nature; don’t you hear it whispering to you, calling you? Haven’t you noticed how you are? Was I the only person telling you that you shine?"

"What do you mean?"

"There is an aura around you; strong since your change. Different than any other I have ever seen; luminous and gracious. Haven’t you listened to everything the old lady and your father told you? To all that I have explained?"

"Ok, I got that I am different and immortal… but a Queen? How can I be a Queen?” I just realize what he said. "Hey, how did you know what my dad told me?"

"I am always connected to you. I need to identify any possible threat for you. As for how you can be a Queen… I don’t know. I simply know that you are. Perhaps the old lady knows."

I think about what Aisha said.

"She told me that I am special because I was born on the Beltane. The Goddess gave me special affinities and I have immortal blood. So the Goddess could have chosen anyone born on May 1st."

"I really don’t know. Maybe your people will know."

"People? What people?"

"Your followers…"

"I don’t have followers…"

"Of course you do! You are a Queen! People will follow you and depend on you! They have been waiting for you just as I have. Immortals of all kinds: elves, fairies, leprechauns, all sprites. You should present yourself to them. You are their Queen and they need you as much as you need them."

"I need only you…" I murmur.

"I am here for you. From always and for always…"

He finally kisses me; softly and kindly. I need this kiss. I need his touch. There were so many revelations today that I need him to reassure me that I am not losing my mind, as my mother was afraid would happen.

I wrap my arms around him and I start seeing images. I can read his thoughts. This is the first time I am able to do that. I see myself through his eyes and I am amazed! I can understand now why he believes that I am the one he says I am. I am tall and fearless, with my hair really long and graceful, glowing as it falls down all around my body. I am wearing strange ancient clothes: a top wrapped around my breasts and a leather skirt. My body is really fit and strong, my legs have muscles and I see a six pack where my flabby belly is at the moment. My face is beautiful and serious. My lips are red and my eyes are gleaming, as I am focused on something. This is the vision he had of me all these years, since the day his Goddess promised him he will find me, through all the years he was underground sleeping - this is the picture that accompanied him. I feel like I am deceiving him. He was waiting a really beautiful and fearless partner, a leader, and here I stand in front of him, only a girl; nothing close to what he had in mind. He intensifies his contact now. I can sense his body touching mine everywhere as we are almost glued to each other. I want more but I cannot stop thinking that I am not that woman; that queen!

He gets my thoughts and tells me, "You are much more that I had ever expected. When my Goddess revealed your image to me for the first time I thought I was truly blessed that I would have you as my partner."

"Aren’t you disappointed now?"

"My love, since the first time I saw you I expected you would become a beautiful woman, but the day you changed I could not believe my fortune. You are the one I want. Not the woman from the vision. You, and only you."

He kisses me again on my lips and my cheeks and he hugs me really tight. I want to stay with him for the whole night but I cannot have my dad worried that I am lost, especially after everything he told me today.

"Will you walk me to the pub?"

"Of course, my lady."

"I have missed you very much. When will I see you again?"

"When would you like?"

"I would like for you to not to go at all… but I guess this cannot happen."

"Not yet, at least!"

"Tomorrow night. We can spend the whole evening together. Will you come to the house?"

"I prefer to meet outside. You are always happier when you are close to earth."

"Ok, I will wait for you at the gazebo. Is that ok?"

"I will be there."

"And Dubhghall, thank you very much for the flower…"

"Which flower?"

"The one on my bed!"

"I did not leave any flower on your bed!" he replies and just like that, he disappears into the night.

I am left to wonder who left the flower then?

I enter the pub to find my dad sitting with some of his friends. It is a good excuse for me to skip dinner and just go home. I am not that hungry anyway and I prefer to go to sleep. It is way past ten and I would like to do some reading before I sleep.

*****

Resting nicely in my bed, I decide to start reading the diary from the beginning.

February 5th, 1853

Dear Diary,

You were a gift for my seventeenth birthday. I already love you and I shall share all deepest secrets with you. We arrived at this new land only a few weeks ago and although mother and father assure me that our lives will improve here, I fear that will not be so. There are so many of us in the school and I really don’t understand the language very well. I have no friends. At least I have you, dear diary. I hope to have better news tomorrow…

Mary Anna

*****

February 8th, 1853

Dear Diary,

Things are the same. The teachers are very bad and people are still getting sick. Everybody says this is because of all of us coming to the island. Too many of our people died and many who were left moved to this new land for a new life. People here are reluctant to accept newcomers, especially now that an illness is spreading. I assure them that none of my family is sick but they still avoid me. I am so sad and lonely.

Mary Anna

*****

February 20th, 1853

Dear Diary,

I am sorry I have not written for so long but I had nothing special to tell you. Yesterday things improved a bit. I received high marks at school! A girl named Elisa spoke to me. She told me she has lived on the island for several years now and asked me if I wanted to become friends with her. We spent the last two hours together and I learnt many things about her life. She told me that she enjoys walking in the woods some times and asked me to join her. Finally, a friend…

Mary Anna

All this is nice I am thinking, but what does it have to do with me? I skip a couple of pages to read forward…

June 21st, 1853

Dear Diary,

Today I saw him again. He is so handsome; a gentleman. He opened the door of the mercantile shop for me – mother had sent me for some groceries, and he said "My Lady, please go first." Oh my God, his voice and his accent are so melodious and he called me his lady! Oh my God! I am smitten! When will I see him again? I need to go into the woods again alone as he does not appear when Elisa is with me. He must really dislike her.

Sweet Diary, I kiss you good night. I am so very happy!

Mary Anna

*****

June 29th, 1853

Dear Diary,

After school I made my excuses to avoid mother and Elisa and I went in the woods. There he was, sitting on a low branch in the clearing where we first met. He was so elegant. I approached him and this time he asked for my name. I replied and he said it was beautiful. He said I am beautiful. I asked him why he only appears when I am alone and he told me that no one else needs to know what we do. I asked what is it that we do? Suddenly he was standing in front of me, holding me in his arms and dear Diary, he said, “We are very fond of each other, are we not?"

I felt I would faint but he was holding me very tightly and then he bent and he kissed me. It was my first kiss; so soft and beautiful. Oh, I wanted him to kiss me again but he said, "Not now my lady. We will meet again soon!"

I am looking forward to meeting him. My father will not approve!

Mary Anna

*****

July 2nd, 1853

Dear Diary,

I spent two lonely days not seeing him but today after school as I was walking home alone, I felt somebody pull me in a dark alley. I was terrified, naturally, but before I could scream he put his lips on mine and I knew instantly it was him! Today he was rougher and although I felt a bit embarrassed I really liked it. He was kissing me like with his tongue and touching my breasts and my back and then he lifted my skirt and touched me down there. I was ashamed and excited at the same time! I was really close to screaming out of pleasure when he bit me on my neck and I felt him suck my blood. I have no experience with this sort of thing and no one to ask. Is this normal? Is this what happens between men and women? I felt like I exploded inside -It was so wonderful! My father will be furious if he finds out – my reputation will be ruined. After a few seconds he took his teeth out of my neck and started licking me really tenderly and kissing me again. He told me he will wait for me again tomorrow. Oh! I so want him to do that again!

Mary Anna

*****

July 3rd, 1853

Dear Diary,

Horrible news! Today people were talking about a man who was killed very close to where I met Him yesterday. They said that something had drained the man of all his blood! Today I walked home a different way and I did not see him. He told me I cannot speak to anyone about us. What is he? Should I be afraid?

Mary Anna

*****

July 5th, 1853

Dear Diary,

I saw Him again today. He was waiting for me at the same alley as last time. Although I was with Elisa he called me and I went to him. I don’t know if Elisa saw him but she left immediately. He asked me where I was yesterday and I told him about the dead man and about what I heard; that something had drunk all his blood. He told me that there are creatures that do that and not all of them are evil. I know he could have hurt me if he wanted but he didn’t…I am a bit afraid of him but I still want him. I told him I loved him but he said he is not capable of such love. His words stung me deeply! He then tried to kiss me but I ran away because I did not want him to see me crying. I am so sad. If he does not love me, why does he want to touch me the way he does? And why do I want to let him? What is he really? Who is he? Will I ever see him again?

Mary Anna

*****

July 9th, 1853

Dear Diary,

Today I decided to go in the woods and find him. I missed him and wanted him. I don’t care if he is different or dangerous. He is all I can think about. I found him at the same place as before. He said he knew I was going to find him. I had so many questions to ask but he started kissing me again. He put me tenderly on the ground and then lay on top of me. I could feel his body weight on mine. He was kissing me really ferocious and passionately but I didn’t mind. I liked it. He opened my bodice and began kissing my breasts then he lifted my skirts and then he was inside me. It felt incredible. He was moving rhythmically and I did not want him to stop. I felt hypnotized. He was fondling my body, breasts, my neck and then he bit me again, this time lower and it felt magical. He was drinking and I was pushing his head closer so that he wouldn’t stop. And then I felt this beautiful warm explosion inside and he stopped drinking and just licked my wound. He gave me another kiss and just like that vanished, leaving me there lying on the round. Oh dear God I am so sorry to admit that but it was so wondrous! I want him again and again. I don’t care if he does not love me. I know it is a sin but I don’t care!

Mary Anna

I really cannot stop reading now…

July 11th, 1853

Dear Diary,

My mother told me today that some people in the market were talking about seeing the undead. They are evil. She said we should take care as evil sprites have arisen from the earth and we are vulnerable. I said to her that perhaps snot all of them are evil and she slapped my face! She told me to keep my mouth shut and return straight home after school every day. If only she knew what I have been doing. I fear she would give me much more than a slap!

Mary Anna

*****

July 15th, 1853

Dear Diary,

I am home from school and I am quite exhausted. I saw him again today and although I know he does not love me, he behaved very intimately with me. He tried to explain what is going on and told me that I need not be afraid. He told me that their intentions are not evil. They merely need to communicate with me. They have been imprisoned for a long time. His movements are very agile. He is clearly not a man. He says he is a spirit but I know the truth. He is undead; frozen. My mother says that she heard that undead killed another man a fortnight ago at the port. It was said that the body had again been drained of blood. But I know in my heart that he is not evil. I love him. He kissed me again today. He approached me and seduced me and then he drank from me, as before. I felt no pain then. I am in pain now only as I really need him to come back and drink again…

Oh, my God! It is true. This is the diary of a mortal girl that had met an immortal. Was he really a vampire? He must have been as he was drinking her blood! I am really shaken but also excited at the same time. Everything seems completely unreal. I can’t believe I am reading this dairy, I can’t believe I met these people. I close the diary to get some sleep. It is almost two in the morning. I am really tired.