The Essence of Eternity - Awaken

Chapter IV - He is here again

"It’s the first time I see you like that. Do you keep all this for your Greek guys?"

"Uh huh, Greek, Italian, Spanish…anything but Irish!" I give Kellan a big smile and he cannot take his eyes off of me. Now that I look around I see most of the guys in there are looking at me…Maybe the dress is a bit revealing after all. I did not see that coming. This will piss my dad off! Maybe the dress was too much…

"I can’t believe you are actually making a scene here." I tease Kellan.

"Well I would for sure make a scene if you were my girlfriend…"

"Thanks God I am not!" I reply, but I am not that sure inside.

"Maybe you should reconsider this…I am offering pretty lady!" I sigh again and go take my drink.

"It looks better on you than it ever did on me!" my mum says.

"I do not believe that for a second…Dad?"

"It looks equally gorgeous on both of you…Be careful though, I see how everyone is looking at you! I still have my gun in here…" I laugh and give him a hug…

"Now, I would like to drink some expensive Vodka with cherry juice please…"

"It’s on the house!!!"

"It better be!"

I stay there with my mum for a while and then the band is on stage. I have not seen them before but as they start, I recognize the song. Placebo is opening the show and although my dear Brian is not here, this guy Frank really earns his spot. He keeps singing and his voice changes to fit everything. Well, my daddy was right about him. He is excellent. The song passes and now they are playing Violent Femmes’ Kiss off…I love my dad…he knows me so well… I enjoy the music and I sing along…

I go back to Kellan and sit next to him. He puts his hand behind my back and holds me tight…and I rest there in his warm embrace. Before we finish our drinks my dad sends another round and I turn to blow him a kiss. I see him with my mum, talking closely; they look so much in love, if I didn’t know better I would think they can’t live without each other. But they do, they live so far apart; I don’t think there is a chance for them, but at least they can enjoy tonight and maybe even tomorrow.

The party is great, the music is perfect and I have fun with Kellan's friends and then Alicia is entering the door! She comes straight toward us. I smile at her but she does not look very happy to see me next to Kellan. I try to get up but Kellan is whispering to me.

"Do not even think about it. Tonight is your night. There is no one else."

"It is fine; I don’t mind…I'll just sit on the other side of the table."

"If you as much as move, I will kiss you here in front of everyone!"

"Kellan…"

"I will, you know it! She can find another guy to play tonight!" I sigh and smile at him and he winks at me. That is what I like about him the most…he is not the guy that would ever leave me.

Alicia finds a seat, opposite of me looking really annoyed and start flirting with another guy. Just to make Kellan jealous I guess… She is very beautiful as always. Her skin is flawless and her clothes look like they are from a fashion show. She is in a very tight dress and her breasts look firm and full. Obviously the guy next to her enjoys her attention.

"Do you want to hit the bar for some shots? The air is better there!" Kellan seems annoyed, or even jealous. I don’t know what to make out of it. We go to the bar and my dad is already preparing shots for everyone, when the band starts playing an old song I love…

Why can't I get just one kiss? Believe me, some things I wouldn't miss,

but I look at your pants and I need a kiss.

And I hear Kellan saying:

"This is for you Tita…"

And he looks so deep in my eyes like he is trying to feel me, touch me. I am afraid he will do something really stupid, like kissing me in front of my parents, so I find it a good idea to grab his hand and drive him outside to avoid any embarrassment. We go to the back of the pub and I turn to face him but before I open my mouth to speak he is all over me.

And we are kissing…intensely…again. He is holding me… goes on and on…his kiss as before, harsh and passionate, it takes me away, his hands so strong, it feels so sexy…I know I have no previous kiss to compare to, but Oh, my God!

What are we doing…two days now we cannot seem to stop this…is it just the excitement of the drinks? I start believing it’s not! How long was this feeling hidden? Was I always in love with him and too afraid to admit it? Is he in love with me or is he just playing? All these years the friendship I felt for Kellan was one of the most stable and sheltered things in my life. He felt like a brother to me; an older stronger brother to whom I could always rely on, even from distance. And now we are jeopardizing this…for what? Is it just attraction? I have never had s*x with anyone, I have never even kissed anyone properly before. Is it just that? Or was I saving myself for him, without even understanding this?

Shut up and kiss him back I command myself. Nothing more can happen here so at least enjoy this! He stops the kiss and just looks at me. I am frozen looking back at him when he drops the bomb.

"You know I’ve loved you all my life, don’t you?" He says.

"The thing is that until yesterday I did not know I loved you this way… I always thought of you as the best part of my life, as a sister even… but yesterday something changed. Your kiss changed that! And I finally started seeing things clearly… I am in love with you Tita! But I fear that you do not feel the same…"

This is not the kind of conversation I want to have on my birthday party. Nor am I ready for this. I hesitate.

"I do not know how I feel Kellan. I love you for sure…but I know that I am not ready to be in a relationship with you, living in the same house…it will feel strange. Don’t spoil this for us now Kellan…let’s leave things as is and see where it will lead us."

He does not talk.

"Kellan?" He comes closer to kiss me again but this time I stop him. After a while he whispers.

"Fine, let’s do it your way. I am here for you…always!"

He does not look happy. He looks confused and a bit irritated. He goes back inside but I need to stay and clear my head; so I sit on a bench.

I am starting to feel really cold and I wish I had my cardigan, when I feel warmth around me…It’s like the air is getting shifted…It is happening again!

Without actually seeing him yet, I know he stand there behind me…and I hear his incredible dark half Irish accent!

"Hello my lady…" I turn to face him and as always he is so handsome, but something in his eyes looks sad. It reminds me of what the old lady told me and suddenly I find the need to comfort him. He does not look dangerous tonight, so I decide that this time I will get some answers.

"Hello!"

His eyes calm but he does not smile. I am trying to decide what is better to ask first. What do I really want to know? As he may disappear in five seconds, I pick the first question that comes in my mind.

"How do you know me?"

"I have waited for you even before you were born; I met you the first time you came to Ireland when you were very young and I have waited for you ever since."

"But I do not remember meeting you…" And then he reaches out and touches softly my cheek. When he touches me, I feel an electric shock through my body; and I see him in various moments in my life, having different forms. I see him as the small child I used to see every day on the street outside my house back in Greece; as the first imaginary friend I had; a wolf called Simeon; as the old lady who was always sitting on a chair outside her house close to my dad’s pub. I am shocked! I remember what the old lady told me back in the shop earlier today:

"He is from another world, he used to appear to me too, but I am not the one he was looking for…"

I need to ask him, I need to look in his eyes and keep him here with me to explain. I cannot lose him again! I prepare to speak he beats me to it and speaks first.

"You see now, my lady?"

"I think I do…please stop calling me your lady. I am Tita."

"I know who you are, I already told you so…You are my lady!"

I am very reluctant to believe what he says but I look at him and I know he is not crazy, he is not pretending. "Where are you from?" I ask.

"I am from a different world."

Should I dare asking these questions at the risk of sounding stupid or ignorant? The question sounds ridiculous in my head but I dare ask it. I need to know."…From…the… Otherworld?"

"Nobody calls it like that nowadays…"

"So how do you call it?"

"Home…"

"And where is this home?"

"Everywhere… Where is home to you?"

Oddly I understand what he is talking about…the fields, nature. Earth! The way I feel when I am close to nature. It’s like time has stopped and there is no pub, no Kellan, no mum and dad, just me and him. I do not take my eyes off him, because the moment I do, I fear he will disappear.

"You look extraordinary beautiful tonight…"

"Thank you."

"…and I am not going anywhere if you want me to stay!"

I am shocked…

"Can you read my mind?"

"No not really…just… I feel things. And now I feel your desperation and agony."

"Can you feel when I am afraid or sad?"

"Yes, which is why I disappeared the other night…you were afraid of me."

"Intimidated is a better way to describe it."

"Indeed? So what else do you want to know?"

"Why are you here?"

"I am here to see you. You have initiated your change tonight."

"What change?"

"You have become a woman, my lady. I wanted to wish you…"

I expect him to say Happy Birthday, and I find the thought of that so ridiculous somehow, when he says…

"Welcome…and beware!"

"Welcome where?"

"Welcome to your world. This new life you will live."

Which new life? "I have a life.” I say. “Beware of whom, or what?"

"You will find out in time. Until we meet again..."

He puts his strong arms around me and pulls me closer to him. His hug is infatuated and possessive and then he kisses me. Initially he is kind and sweet, but as I kiss him back, he is encouraged. He is kissing me with more passion than Kellan kissed me before. I love his way.

Oh s**t I was just kissing Kellan before. What a mess.

But for the first time in my life I feel the desperate need to be connected to somebody, to really feel him. In my mind I beg for him to stay. I want him here with me. Don’t go! I am thinking and as he speaks his words touch my heart.

"I am not going away. I will be close to you. But you must know that you are my lady…and I am in pain every time somebody else touches you. I don’t like that!"

He kisses me again. His kiss is so sweet and intoxicating and I really don’t care of anything apart from him. I really need him to continue kissing me. I am so taken away by his touch, by the feel I get from his aura, by him. He is the one. The one I have been waiting for, all my life. I know that now. There is no one else. I start panicking…what if he is gone and I don’t see him again? I do not want this kiss to be the last one. We are standing there kissing and feeling each other and indeed this is familiar and right; like I was meant to do this... To love him, to cherish him…

He pulls back and gives me another, softer kiss; he looks in my eyes and I see his promise. He will be back. …I let him go whispering;

"Please come back soon!"

*****

I go back inside to find nothing has changed. I have lived these wonderful moments and I feel different but for the rest of the people, everything is exactly as it was half an hour ago. The rest of the party goes smooth. Kellan is holding back for the rest of the night and after a few more drinks we decide to head back. My dad stayed to close up and my mum offered to help. I really don’t want to think about that now or I may even puke…Ewww!

I undress and go straight to bed. I close my eyes to dream of my dark stranger…