The Essence of Eternity - Awaken

Chapter V - A new world!

In my sleep I feel the sun is rising… the flowers are thriving, I smell sweet humidity and aroma; I open up my eyes to see it is early; half past seven in the morning. Oh s**t, why am I up so early?

"Go back to sleep Titania." I murmur to myself.

I wake up really late and I feel strange again… Maybe it’s the drinks. Did I have too much vodka last night? I get up and go to the bathroom. I pee, wash my hands, wash my face of last night’s smeared make up and stare at myself in the mirror. Am I different? What is different on me? I do not seem awful as I expected. I seem fine. Nice actually. My eyes are bigger? My lips seem fleshier; my hair is not a mess. That’s a first! Could I still be drunk and imagine this? I feel different. I feel the cold air blowing outside; the soft touch of the sunbeams coming in from the bathroom window; the spring touch on the flowers, what the hell? I even feel the dust jots touching my skin. Is this real? I think I need some coffee and a painkiller. I always used to need a painkiller after drinking but today I actually don’t. I do not have a headache. Not at all; my head is fine.

That’s strange.

I go down the stairs; the house is empty. There is no sign of Mum or Dad. No human presence in the house. That is an odd choice of words I think, no human presence? What am I if not a human presence? I feel a sense of dread. Something is going bad, really bad. Could I be dead and I haven’t realized it? Usually in the movies it is the dead person that has such an experience. I begin to feel a panic attack coming…what did the school advisor tell me the last time? Think happy thoughts.

My dad, Ireland, Kellan, the dark man…One, two, three, four, flowers, five, six, seven, the University, my own apartment, eight, nine…Stop that! Breathe! Ten. I am sure everything will be fine. I am sure everything will work out. Coffee, breakfast, I will be fine. Coffee, make coffee!

I go in the kitchen to prepare my coffee and my bowl of cereal. I take my breakfast out to the backyard and find my parents sitting on the wooden kiosk Dad built for me some years ago; I remember I used to complain about not having a place to eat or rest in the backyard, so for a whole summer he was preparing it and next time I was there I had a wooden gazebo and an hammock; a gorgeous swinging bed! Now they are sitting there having coffee, talking and laughing. When I approach, they stop talking. I see that they are both in a very good mood and I can’t help wondering what happened last night! They both look at me really oddly; like examining me.

"Big night yesterday huh?" Mum laughs.

"Good morning to you too…"

"Are you ok my sweetie? You seem strange…"

"I am fine Dad, thanks."

"Spit it out then…"

"Mum…"

"Come on honey, you are eighteen now and we both saw how Kellan was looking at you!"

They are teasing me of course, but I really don’t want them to know anything about what has been going on the last two days. I am not talking about Dubhghall of course; but do not want to talk to them about Kellan either.

"Nothing happened, Mum, Dad…really. I had a great time with Kellan and the other guys, and I was so happy you were both here. It’s the first birthday that I have you both with me."

They look at each other and smile but they don’t say anything. So I sit down and start eating my breakfast. My mum is caressing my hair and suddenly she says…

"Indeed you look different today. You were always beautiful but today you are glowing. I thought it was love but if not…"

"It’s not love Mum…"

"Then becoming an adult really works for you."

I smile with my mouth full and it’s not a pretty picture! I ask my mum what time is her flight and if she wants me to take her to the airport. My dad jumps in and says he is going to the town this afternoon anyway, just before he opens the bar; he can give her a lift. I look at them now and I am actually able to see the air around them drifting, was this always happening? I can sense something, like I know what they are thinking; only I do not know…I feel it. What did Dubhghall said yesterday? He can understand what is in my mind from my feelings. What is going on with me? Is this what he meant? How can this even be possible, is that contagious? I need to behave normally now. I do not want my mum leaving for Greece worrying about me. I have plenty of time to figure out what is going on when I am alone. I sit and chat with them for a while.

"Ok, so your flight leaves at four, what would you like to do now, Mum?"

"Let’s finish our breakfast and go hiking." Of course this is something my dad would say.

"That’s a wonderful idea."

"What?" That's definitely something my mum would NOT say! What’s the matter with these two? Hiking…my mum?

"No, thanks." I say. "I just woke up and I plan to spend my time here resting, I am not walking around. You two can go; I’ll stay here to rest and read book."

"Ok fine…just a quick walk…are you in Em?"

"That would be great… if it’s ok with you, Tita?"

I nod along.

They look at each other and I sigh; they do not seem to pay attention though.  

I am left there alone; finally some privacy! I go in the house to wash the dirty dishes and on my way out I grab a small quilt my dad once bought to fit my hammock, but it’s only out of habit. Suddenly I realize that I feel the cold air but I am not cold at all. I can even take off my cardigan and be in just my T-shirt. I don’t understand how this can happen. I have always been cold in Ireland and now…nothing! It’s strange. However, I do not plan to spoil my limited alone time thinking about all the crazy things in the past couple of days. At least for now it all feels good, so I rest in my swinging bed and open my book. Since I am staying here for another two weeks, I will have plenty of time to figure out what is going on and of course enjoy some time with this new man in my life… I think of him and I smile. I miss him. He promised to be back soon… but not soon enough I guess!!!

Once it is really quiet, I start realizing that I can hear something around me, like the leaves moving with the wind. I look but there is no one there, I am imagining all this I guess, so I do not pay any more attention. I am wondering where my mum and dad would be now and suddenly I have a vision of them in the middle of a green field making out. Ewwww, I do not want to see that! How can I see them? Dubhghall said he could only feel what is in my mind. I guess every thought causes a reactive feeling in our brains and this is how he can manage to understand what people think. But apart from sensing their experience, I actually see them. It is like I am living this through their feelings and I understand what they are doing…I wish I didn’t! It is strange. It is like every pore of my body, every cell of me is a receiver. The wind and the sunbeams transfer information to me, whispering in my ear. This is scary. I run to the house quickly, as if by getting in and closing the door behind me, I will be safe. The whispering stops, the images are gone for the moment but this strange feeling of being somehow different is there… Ok, let me think.

Dubhghall said yesterday that I changed into a woman and that I should beware and welcome. Welcome where? His world, he said. This morning I started feeling the wind and the sunbeams. I hear things, as if someone is whispering to me and I can experience what other people feel and do, well so far my mum and dad!

I wonder if I can do that for Kellan also. I go out and sit on the stairs of my dad’s porch. I focus on Kellan. I bring his face in my mind but nothing. I do not feel him! Nor do I hear anything. I head to my hammock just to pick up my book, but once my feet are on the grass I see Kellan; it’s like a vision, he stand in his garage feeling sad. He is doing something with his bike and he misses me, he feels really ashamed of something. So I do feel Kellan when I am attached to the ground, to earth? I turn and go inside again. Now this is a problem.

What do I do? Who do I tell? Dubhghall. I need to find Dubhghall…well actually he needs to find me. Where is he during the day? What is he doing? I have only seen him during the night before.

A couple of hours later my parents are back.

"Titania?"

"In here…"

They both have the look of content and happy people. I guess what I saw was real.

"We thought you would be outside."

"I was a bit chilly…" I lie.

"Hey let’s start a fire while your mum prepares her things." my dad suggests.

Now I am sitting there next to the fireplace and I am hypnotized by the flames licking the twigs and the wood. It’s like I am seeing little fairies dancing around the fire. I am so wrapped in my thoughts. Why is this happening to me?

My dad leaves to take my mum to the airport. We kiss goodbye and I promise to talk once she lands to Greece. I plan to meet my dad for dinner in the pub later. I return next to the fire to spend my evening. I sprawl on the sofa, lost in my thoughts and fall asleep.

When I wake up, it is already seven in the night. I have slept for more than five hours! I am really hungry now so I get dressed and leave the house. I feel the air and the scent of the wet earth surrounding me, entering all my pores. It fills me with happiness and power, a good sleep is everything I guess. I walk to the pub and in the peace of the night I hear whispering again. It is like someone is calling my name but it is not frightening… it is tempting and fascinating.

I enter the pub to find Kellan sitting with my dad on the bar, waiting for me. I play cool. It’s nice to have his company during dinner. He looks guilty of something. Maybe he regretted what he told me yesterday night.

"Hello Kellan…"

"Hi Tita. How are you?"

"Fine thanks, I have been sleeping most of the day." I hurry explaining why I did not call him.

"Good." He did not call me either though.

"What were you doing all day?"

"I was fixing something on my bike. It made a strange noise. Now it’s fine. It just needed…" He keeps talking but I do not listen anymore. I am focusing on what he just said. He was fixing his bike. So I actually had a vision of him.

"Tita?"

"What? Sorry, I lost focus…"

"I said where do you want to eat? Will we go to our table next to the window?"

"Yep, that’s fine. Dad will you join us?"

"Yes honey in a while."

We settle down at our table and my dad sends a Diet Coke for me and a pint of beer for Kellan. I guess no alcohol for me tonight! Well, better this way.  

"Were you sad before Kellan?" I find myself beginning a conversation I’m not sure I should have.

"What? When?"

"This morning. Were you feeling sad?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I don’t want you to be sad…"

"A bit sad, but mostly worried. I don’t want to jeopardize what we have Tita. Was I stupid? Did I mess up?"

"Don’t say this, please. Kellan, I enjoyed what happened last night…and the night before, but it is not the smart thing to do…"

"Smart?"

"Let’s just spend time as friends."

"Fine…"

"I love you, you know…even when you are so annoying!"

"I love you too… and you are anything but annoying!"

"Kellan!"

"Ok! Let’s eat."

My huge dinner is here. I gulp down my burger and my salad and my fries and it is so delicious…Miss J, the cook here, has done a perfect job. Thumbs up for Miss J!!!

*****

My dad, Kellan and I have desert along with our casual conversation after dinner. I love hot apple pie with custard, as I never have it in Greece, so I do not mind the extra calories now. I plan to walk home alone to have the chance to meet up with Dubhghall, if indeed he decides to appear tonight. Just after eleven I say goodnight and start for the door. Kellan is on his way to join me. I tell him I am going straight to bed. He decides to stay for a drink with a couple of his friends. Good for Kellan…good for me!

As I am leaving, Alicia enters and gives me a very strange look. She smiles but it is not a good smile. She says something like 'just in time'. My God, this girl is cheeky. I am not going to spend time or energy thinking about her. I start walking back home really slowly, trying to open up and leave my senses free to enjoy the night but I start feeling excited and impatient. I know I am alone on the street, so I call out for him.  Softly at first; I guess I do not need to shout.

The wind is transferring his name far away. I look around and in the dark of the night the trees seem alive. I reach home, sit in the gazebo and call out for him again a bit louder and try to really focus my mind on him. That does it! He appears from behind a tree and walks straight towards me. I cannot stop smiling. I know I must look like a stupid, little girl but all I can think about is how gorgeous he is, how extremely handsome and attractive and how he is mine…isn’t that what he promised.

He is wearing all black; just a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I can’t help but thinking that this man can go really unnoticed in the night, if he likes to. I can’t stop wondering if there are others like him unseen among people. How many others? I need to ask him so many things but now I only want to hold him. He is here for me; is he going to kiss me again?

Just in a flash he is standing in front of me in really closely and my heart aches from agony and desire. Without a single word, he takes me in his arms and we start kissing, First on the bench and then on the table and I do not want him to stop. His passion and strength is unique. The way he handles my body is extraordinary. He lifts me up with no physical effort. Please never stop kissing me! His arms are all over me, his hands are touching me everywhere and it’s then that I realize that I want him to be my first; my first and last and only. I do not want to wait anymore. I am eighteen now and I know most of the girls of my high school have already lost their virginity. Until today it was always with the wrong case of man. But now…this is the right one!

Suddenly, he is pulling back. He bows his head, as he is having second thoughts; like he has done something really wrong. I am left there a bit ablaze and confused, when he starts apologizing.

"I am really sorry my lady…"

"For what?"

"I shouldn’t have gone this far but I am so attracted to you. I have been waiting for centuries and now that you are here I don’t seem to be able to hold back my need for you...The way you also feel and think of me make it even more difficult…"

I am blushing now, as I realize I need to restrain my thoughts when he is around. It is so embarrassing but still, I do want him…

"I do not want you to withhold" I say.

"I want you to kiss me. I want to be in your arms and stay there. It feels good and safe…"

"I am not here to be your lover my lady. The fact that you want me is pleasing to me, but I am here to be your protector, your fighter, your partner in the long path you have to walk…" Now this sounds a bit scary.

"What do you mean? What path do I need to walk?"

"Your path. You need to choose if you will walk it and if you do I will be there standing next to you…always."

"If this path includes you, then I am walking it…" I try to be funny and casual, but he is not pleased.

"My lady, this is not something to be taken lightly. You live in the now and it is fine, but the time is coming that your past will be revealed! By then you must choose your path…will you lead?"

"Lead what?" I need so many explanations!

"Who are you, Dubhghall? What are you? Please talk to me. If not you then who will explain to me?"

"I cannot. You need to understand your nature first. Look into your family’s roots, your history and look for the lady that connects the two worlds. Once you know who you are, I will be there to help you choose, if you want me by your side. Whenever you need me call out for me. I will be there…"

"But only at night?"

"I am always somewhere but I can have this form only after the sun sets."

I start feeling anxious now and really worried. I don’t want him to leave. I reach up and kiss him again and although he is not unwilling, he is not carried away. It is as if he is limiting his passion. I stop the kiss. I am feeling a bit disappointed.

"The sooner you find out the truth the sooner we can be together. You should keep in mind that I am not as pure as you want me to be. I have been dreadful and lethal in the past. I will never harm you, but if you find the truth and decide to never see me again, I will respect your choice."

"What are you talking about? I have never felt safer in my life than when I am with you. I will never leave you."

"I can only wish."

With that, he disappeared into the night.

I am hurt that he is afraid I will reject him. How can I ever think of rejecting him? It is like I have known him forever! He is mine and I am his. I will let him know of that the next time I see him. I am lost in my thoughts as I return to my dad’s house alone. I am exhausted and go straight to my room and climb into bed. Without knowing it I fall asleep.