The Lie That Made Me Love You

Chapter 13 - Scattered emotions

Sophie Barnes

“We need a lawyer.” Heidi said as we began moving.

“I think Julian West hates me.” I blurted out. I couldn't hold it in anymore. F*ck the lawyer. If Julian hates me, then what would be the use hiring a lawyer to hold me bound in a marriage that is not even real.

Heidi, on the other hand, looked shocked. “What?!”

“How did you even come to such a conclusion? You guys barely interacted!” She exclaims, her eyes getting wider than normal.

Now I feel crazy. It couldn't just be me imagining it in my head. I have seen the way he looks at me. I am not saying I need to be stared at with puppy-loving eyes. At the same time, it doesn't mean I want to be stared at like I am some lower life form. And that was exactly how I felt every time he stared down at me like that. The worst part was that it seemed like I was the only one who could see it.

“I don't see it.” She said to me, shaking her head. There was no need to convince her.

“I mean, if you ask me, I think Julian is actually cool and his jokes are actually fun. He is HOT.” Heidi spelt out the word ‘hot’ as if to prove a point.

“Yeah yeah”

I waved her off. “I know what I am saying, Heidi. I don't think he likes me as a person. Because I am sure I have never done anything to offend him. Okay, here me out.”

I turned to face her and her eyes lowered, focusing on me.

“When we were still standing outside Alisha's office, I met him and said hey, you are early. And his reply was, what was that supposed to mean?”

“Dude?!” I exclaimed, hitting the chair seat beneath me. I waited to see her reaction. Every inch of her face seemed to be tensing and relaxing simultaneously. An obvious attempt to make an expression while still being in an active thought process. She tilted her head to the side.

“Okay…but what did you say though?” Heidi asked.

My jaw hung low. For some reason, I felt it was so obvious his level of hostility and didn't think I would be faced with trying to explain further how the interaction was unsettling and not in any way sharing borders with friendliness.

“Nothing!” I sighed from frustration. “I said nothing. I don't even think there was anything else to say…”

She gave me that look. That look that made you know someone you so badly wanted to convince didn't believe you. I shook my head, pissed off. I didn't want to think about it anymore.

“Jesus. You like him so much and think he's so great, why don't you go marry him.”

Though I muttered it under my breath. I knew she would hear me. “Oh, his manager is more of my style. Those muscles…Ehm!” She moaned embarrassingly loud. I have never wanted to sink into the chair so badly. The elderly driver must have been trying his hardest not to laugh because I could see him grinning through the front mirror he was peeking through. Heidi was obviously oblivious to the fact that a total random stranger was listening to our conversation, which was supposed to be something secretive.

A wave of awareness wrecked through me. I had barely started the delicate journey up my social ladder, and I was already yapping all of my problems in public, and Heidi was still busy describing how she wanted to be folded by my fake husband's manager.

“... He could put in between those thick legs—”

“Heidi!” My voice is sharp and low. It quickly does the trick, bringing her to some form of order that I could communicate with.

“Look, strong independent woman…I totally get it. You can fantasize about a man however you wish but…” I cleared my throat.

“I don't think here…” I gestured to the driver by angling my head towards him.

“Oh.” She muttered, blinking multiple times. She tucked her hair behind her ears as she looked at the driver and caught him staring at her through the front mirror. His yellow teeth slipped through his slim grin.

“s**t…why didn't you tell me since!” She whispered to me while trying to act like I wasn't there right beside her.

“You know he can still hear you, right?” I whispered back to her, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Well. At least he knows I am not a virgin.” She announced so loudly, I did the opposite of what my brain yelled for me to do. Instead of looking to stop her from saying more crazy things, I was seriously trying not to die from stifling an explosive laughter that scratched the back of my throat dangerously.

We eventually survived the journey, arriving home some few minutes to 5 pm.

The discussion of the lawyer was something we had left for tomorrow morning since he was busy today. I didn't ask Heidi how she got to know him. But knowing her, it was probably one of her college exes or someone she used to hook up with.

That was what made us different. She wasn't afraid to live. While deep down. I think there is a part of me that is scared of things actually blowing up in my face. Not of people finding out that the wedding between Julian and I was a shamble because we could announce a divorce before it got out there. That is usually the plausible way out.

But more than that, I fear that one day, Julian would find out the person who started this entire mess with a Chat and all of it would come falling in my face. I couldn't afford that.

“Hey!” A violent shake is delivered to my shoulders. I felt them move out of place for a bit before returning.

“Use a Knife, Heidi. Or a gun, better still. Don't make me suffer if you intend for me to die.” I cried to her, puffing my face.

“I was going to ask if you wanted one.” She was talking about a blunt in her left hand.

“Now I think you need one. And I don't want to hear a no because I won't be dealing with your cranky ass.” She handed it to me and threw the lighter in my lap.

“I'm going to stalk your husband's manager!” She yelled at me, followed by the slam of her door.

I turned up the TV noise. It was better than the thoughts in my head.