The Nobleman's Angel

Chapter 4

"You started the fun without me?"

It was Lazarus by the door staring through my lascivious body. We both stared at each other intensely as if our eyes can tell how we crave for each other. He let his fiery eyes roam around my skin and while he unknot his tie slowly. Instinctively, I spread my legs more to let him see my wet core.

"Lazarus, fun will never start without you." I said seductively. A groan slipped from his lips to restrict the beast in him from devouring me.

"Yet it seems like you had fun. Look how wet you are." Lazarus unbuttoned his polo and slowly walked towards me. My excitement arose onto its peak until I couldn't keep myself together; I stood up to welcome him in my arms.

"La mienne...." He whispered to my ear while embracing me tight. My anxiety-filled system was replaced with warmth because of a single word he said.

Mine.

He lifted me up off the ground suddenly. I squealed because of shock but then I laughed when I noticed his sulking face. I forgot about my nakedness or the lust I felt a while ago, all I know about is that Lazarus is being a baby again.

"Why?" I asked him while playing with his hair. I caressed his tired but beautiful face lovingly, not breaking our eye contact.

"Ask yourself why, Angel." He averted his gaze from me and pouted. I pinched his nose then leaned my forehead into his to make him look at me.

"Because I never answer back?" I asked, unsure of my question.

"Certainly yes!" His nostrils flared with anger. I gave him my sweetest smile and adjusted my body to cling more comfortably to his body.

"Lazarus, you know my heart — it says love more than words do." I told him gently. Lazarus' eyes glimmered, but the glimmer was taken away by a sudden thought he put into words.

"If your heart says my name, I would like to know why your mind still aches for him." The pain in his voice made me lose my sweet smile.

He knows. He knows I still long for my ex-husband even though I have him now. He knows why I couldn't live this house; because I still wait for him to come home. My therapist knows it all but he preferred to stay quiet and be understanding of my situation.

Only now Lazarus expressed his grievance. I have always thought he'd never be hurt because he is a very understanding person, but the pain in his voice told me otherwise. I am hurting Lazarus. I am hurting the only person who made me human again.

The atmosphere got heavy and unbearable. Lazarus gently let me go to button his polo. His eyes wouldn't meet mine, as well as me. I couldn't look at his face. My heart is breaking thinking of the burden I've encumbered him since he came up to a finality to become my therapist.

It must be a torture for him to listen to the story of the woman he loves, but he had no choice. He loved me so much he promised on his name to help me heal my wounds. Laz said he'd wait for me until I am ready to take him in to my life. I already took him in even before our sessions — it was my fault all along. I should've sought for help before I entangled him to my terrible life.

"Cover yourself and sleep now, Audere." Lazarus reminded me before he took his tie from the floor. My eyes followed his moves. I want to say something but I want to give him the space he needs. If he wants to breathe, I wouldn't stop him from leaving.

"Laz," I called him, "drive carefully." My voice was shaking as I said that. Lazarus looked at me and smiled reluctantly.

"I will."

He quietly made his way to the door. I would like to see him off but doubts completely won over me. I want to embrace him before he go but I was glued to the ground I could only look at his broad back.

Then, out of the doubts that cover me, Lazarus turned to me and grinned, with tinge of glimmer in his eyes. My heartbeat ran faster than ever when he lifted up his pinky finger — the thing we always do every time we part ways when the day comes.

"I promised, Audere. I am sorry for bringing it up." He said sincerely. He then walked towards me and took me to his arms.

I feel safe with Lazarus. He is my sunset — the hope and the new beginning after storm. When the night comes, he is the stars painted across the sky to guide me home.

"I thought you're angry." I whispered. Laz cupped my face and kissed my forehead. I love getting forehead kisses from him because to me, it is more intimate and more expressive than having s*x.

"Well, I was hurt but not angry. How can I be angry with this beautiful face?" Gentleness is in Laz's voice. His eyes mirrored his pure heart — he loves me. I can see it through his beautiful brown eyes.

"So, what are we going to do?" I said jokingly when I felt my nakedness. It completely left my mind for a while, but after he embraced me, my breasts were squished by his body and now I am ready for some battle.

Lazarus' face was flushed. Redness appeared on his neck and all over his face. I laughed even more when he pushed me away.

"My God, Audere! Put on some clothes! I am not here to eat you tonight!" He screamed in frustration.

"What are we going to do then?" I asked seductively, but Lazarus only smiled.

"I am worn out, Angel. I just want to cuddle with you so put on some clothes."

My heart melted. Laz is working day and night and goes on hours without break, but never forgets me. Every night he comes here with a smile in his face even if he is tired. His countless efforts to heal me made me feel bad. How can I not reciprocate the feelings of the man who did nothing but to love me?

We ended up cuddling in my bed. Lazarus fell asleep right away after I caressed his hair. This is the first time he fell asleep without saying anything; he just let me feel his heart against his chest. He always do this — letting me hear his heart beating for me. Lazarus told me once that I melted his frozen heart, so that is what makes this gesture so special to me. I hear his heart beating with the rhythm of my name.

It has been a year since I met Lazarus. When the sixth month came like a storm, he became my therapist. It was difficult for us to keep things as professional as possible. I see him more than a therapist, he sees me as a love interest. Perhaps if that first encounter didn't happen, he wouldn't fall in love with me and I wouldn't hurt him deep; but thinking about it, I am glad he became my therapist.

He fell in love with his soon to be patient — me. I should've healed myself before I came to him. He knew nothing about me even if we were friends with benefits. I was careful to give hints about my past. Laz didn't tell me he is a psychiatrist; I've always thought he is only a taxidermist. He said he didn't want me to get uncomfortable that in the first time we met, he knew I was not stable.

That wasn't true. I am always comfortable with him; I just do not like talking about my past. I tried telling everything about it after he professed his love for me, but fear of judgment made me a coward so I kept my sufferings to myself even if I sense how sincere his feelings are for me. It wasn't enough to make me open myself.

Until that night happened.

He was in Paris the night I broke down six months after we met. I needed someone beside me, but there was no one to keep me from hell's fury. I began hearing my ex-husband angry voice. I began remembering my miserable life inside the orphanage. I began seeing my ex-husband throwing things across the room as he always do. I began feeling the same bruises he caused throughout my body.

Until I couldn't take it anymore…

Lazarus found me unconscious the next morning. He rushed me to the hospital with fear of losing me. After I woke up, he convinced me to see a therapist. I remember his tear-soaked eyes and quivering lips as he persuaded me to live just for him. I could only look at him. I couldn't feel anything, not even the s***h on my wrist.

"Audere, do this for me please. You need help." Lazarus pleaded.

"I do not need help, Laz. I am okay. Things just got heavy last night but now I am okay." I flashed a fake smile to console him too, as much as I needed consolation.

"Talk to me, Audere. I've been with you for six months. Do you think I am turning a blind eye of your sufferings? Do you know why am I checking on you every night? Because I care, I am aware of your pain. Please, Audere, do not treat me as a lover who's only with you when the day ends. I am always here for you if you cannot see the sunset anymore."

It has been months but I still remember his words. The way he said those words crushed my walls. I broke down in front of him, I forgot about fear and shame.

"I can help you." He whispered to my ear as he intertwined our fingers together.

"How can you? I couldn't even help myself."

"You trust me, do you?"

I trust Laz so much. After all the misery that happened to me, he is the first taste of freedom. I knew from the very start I wouldn't regret trusting him, he proved me right. Now, he is still with me, helping me heal my wounds. I know he won't leave me alone; there is no doubt in my heart.

"Sorry for not telling you this, but I am a licensed psychiatrist. Though I am not in practice for a year, I can come back to help you heal."

Lazarus did everything to help me heal. He came back in practice again just for me. His father wanted him to be involved in psychiatry, his family's course of career, but he had always wanted to be a taxidermist. He never liked getting involved with the likes of his family, so when his father died two years ago, he halted his practice.

He did everything. Laz wants nothing but the best for me.

How can I take this man for granted? I kissed his forehead and traced his beautiful face. I am tearing up by just thinking how wonderful his love for me and thinking why am I like this. It takes time, I know. Everything has process, but when do I heal? I do not want to lose Lazarus just because I am like this.

I closed my eyes thinking of the ways I can tell Laz he means so much to me. Tomorrow, I would answer him back.

Tomorrow…

I woke up without Laz beside me, which is not strange because he has so much work to do. I turned my head to the side table to see if he had left any note because he normally does. He didn't leave anything – that was strange. I just shrugged it off to do my own work.

I haven't finished my masterpiece and I haven't even started my client's request. Art block is such an exhausting thing. I feel demotivated to finish everything. I shouldn't be like this, but my mind tells me to do otherwise.

I checked my phone to see if Lazarus left a text message for me. To my disappointment, there are none. Is he still angry because of last night? I hope not. I'd talk to him later to soothe his anger if he does.

My phone beeped a sound when a text message was received. I anticipated it was him, but it was from an unknown number. I read the message reluctantly and immediately got the chills after.

"There is no tomorrow."

I dropped my phone.

This is what my ex-husband said after he tried to leave me for dead.