What Can’t Be Fixed

Chapter 4

Cronos POV(5 years later)

It’s been 5 years since we’ve confirmed that I have DID, I’ve made a couple of friends and so have my alters. We can now communicate and some of our friends know. We ended up staying with Mark and Sarah. The fact that they had learned to deal with my alters made them decide to keep me and Nathanial there.

I now know that I have 5 alters and what their positions are in my cycle. There’s

Kayden-the protector. Has anger issues and amplifies my phobias, just reacts with anger instead of anxiety. He can be nice when he wants to. He’s 20.

Lyla- Another protector. She’s very quiet, she rarely talks. She likes nature and whenever she fronts, she wears dark colors. Her favorite thing to do is climb trees or just lay in the grass and stare at the sky. She’s 19.

Nikolaus- He’s normal now, he used to take most of the depression off of us but since we’ve gotten over that, he’s fine. He likes drawing and basketball, he never tried out though because of my height and our situation. He’s 17, my age.

Zander- He’s also normal, he used to come out and just stay in our room, beating up anyone who entered. Now he likes to read and draw, he also likes to cook. He’s also 17.

Nikolet- She’s a child, whenever she came out she would just cry, now she just likes to play dolls with Nate/Nathanial/Nathan. 

And then there’s me, I also like basketball, reading, and drawing. I’m fairly over most of my trauma, the only thing is that I get light headed when I see blood and still won’t let most people touch me. I have panic and anxiety Attacks sometimes. I also have separation anxiety with people who I have formed a close bond with, like my cat and friends. I can be separated from them but have to be with one of them at all times. Other than that I’m fine.

I’m at school right now and in math class, I have a couple of friends in this class, after I left my fathers house I started to make social progress and now I have a couple of selected friends. Mostly girls and a couple of guys. I have also realized I’m gay! I haven’t had a boyfriend but I DO have a crush.

Don’t tell me stuff for this buuuut.... It’s Alex, one of the people who bullied me the first day back to school after escaping my father. The reason for this is because after that day, we talked. He told me things that I don’t remember. He told me that when he barely started going to this school, I was being bullied. Despite that he became my friend. From that day on, he would be bullied too. One day, Cole came up to him and told him that if he became his friend then they wouldn’t bully me anymore. He accepted but as you can see they didn’t stop.

He tried to leave but they said if he didn’t bully me too then they would beat me until I had to go to a hospital. He stayed with them and insulted me but he had never hit me. From then on we talked, we’re now close friends and see each other often.

Anyway, right now I’m talking to one of my friends on the way to lunch after math. I haven’t switched all day but I know it’s coming soon.

“Hey, so when are we gonna hang out? I know Mark and Sarah don’t mind but you never let us over.” Stasia, one of my friends, asks for what seems like the millionth time.

“You already know why I said no! I’ve told you 100s of times! The only time Kayden comes out is when I’m home. You know he doesn’t like most people, whether you like it or not, you’re one of them!” I say, knowing she knows this.

“It’ll just be this once! I swear! Plus how will he ever like me if he never sees me?” she has a point...

“What will you do if he attacks you?” I ask.

“I’ll call Mark, Kayden likes him, plus, you have decent control over it all so if anything one of the others can switch out!” she sounds like she has a plan too… maybe just this once?

“Ok...” I say, finally agreeing with her stupidity.

“Ok? Really?!” she asks, surprised.

“Yes ok, BUT… my brother has to be with us. And Alex too.” I reply with a very slight blush.

“Are you sure you're not just saying that because you want him to come with us?” 

Yes Stasia knows I’m gay. All of my friends do. Only my friends though. The thing is that everyone in my headspace everyone is either straight, gay, or aromantic and asexual. Kayden is aromatic and asexual, he says it’s because his main goal is to keep me protected. Lyla is a romantic, and straight, Nikolaus is gay, Zander is gay, and Nickolai is a child so we don’t know yet. I think it’s kind of weird that everyone in my system agrees with who we want to be with romantically and sexualy, other than Kayden, he doesn’t really care what we do as long as we’re safe. Anyway, on with the show.

“I mean, there’s that too but him, my brother and Mark will probably barely be enough to keep him away from you and no offense, but since you're a girl you won’t be able to stop him.” i say, knowing what she’s thinking.

“Suuuuuure, You know you just want him.” she says with a wink.

“Want who?”

“Oh my f*****g god!! You scared the s**t out of me!!” I yell at Alex.

“Sorry, whats up?” he asks, i'm glad he didn’t ask about who i wanted again…

“I have a favor to ask.” I quickly get to the point.

“What do you need?” he asls.

“You know how Stasia always wants to come over to my house?” I say.

“Yeah?”

“Well, since Kayden only comes out at home and he doesn’t like Stasia, you and my brother are gonna be there, just in case. It’s going to be tomorrow” I explained.

“Oh, ok. That’s fine with me as long as i get to spend time with you. He says with a wink.

I turn around to walk to the lunch room with a bright red blush on my face. I sit down with Isaiah, Carly, Fletcher/Fletch, and Scarlett/Scar. As usual, Alex and Isaiah, and Carly and Scarlet start talking while me and Fletcher just sit there silently. As I sit there I can feel a switch starting to happen as I zone out.