When You Left

Epilogue

Epilogue

It was a gloomy day as I remember when I first came into this country. I was eight years old back then. My parents decided that it should be much better if we stay here in the Philippines than in L.A.

My mom told me that our neighbor is her long time bestfriend that's why we visit there as soon as we got back.

Doon ko siya unang nakita. She was like a ray of sunshine in that gloomy day. Smile was plastered in her face when she saw me.

"Hi! I'm Kri short for Krizhia, you are?" She held out her hand for me to shake.

My little heart can't even name the feelings it felt when I touch her hands. "I'm Basty, short for Sebastian."

We became friends. Walang araw na hindi kami nagkikita para maglaro. Minsan ay kontento na kaming manood ng movies basta magkasama. We're much closer than a brother and sisters.

Tuwang tuwa nga ang mga magulang namin dahil magkasundong magkasundo kami.

Years past and I discover so much about Kri. She's not typical. She's a brat but with class. Hindi lang basta nag tataray dahil gusto. She always defend herself when she feel that she's being deprive.

I notice one thing though. Hindi siya pala iyak. Being a kid that's one of our traits, babae man o lalaki. Kapag napapagalitan siya ay hindi siya umiiyak, o kahit kapag nasugatan sa kung saan.

I've waited to see those tears para malaman ng bata kong isip na normal siya at umiiyak din. But the moment I saw her cry, I never ever wish to see that again.

Time flies and we stay that way, we're bestfriends. We grew up together and my heart is slowly learning the things that I cannot explain before.

Hindi naging madali ang pagdadalaga niya. Hindi ko mabilang kung ilang beses siyang mapaaway sa isang taon dahil sa iisang dahilan. Lalaki. Maraming babae ang galit sa kaniya dahil maraming lalaking nagkakagusto sa kaniya.

She would always say that she don't even know what those girls are saying and I would always believe that. I became her knight. Taga linis ng gulong nakakasangkutan niya. And I am okay with that. That's the least I could do dahil hindi ko naman mapigilan ang pakikipag away niya.

Lahat ata nasabi ko na sa kaniya para kahit papaano ay makaiwas siya sa ganoon. No use though. Halos idikit ko na nga siya sa akin pero mawaglit lang saglit ay ayan na naman.

I gave her all the reasons not to engage in those things.

There's just one thing I can't say. I'm afraid to say. Ayokong nakikipag away siya kasi ayokong nakikitang nasasaktan siya. Hindi ko alam kung nakikita niya ba ang pag pipigil ko sa twing inaawat ko siya sa pakikipag away niya. She's fighting with a girl and I cannot fight with a girl! I don't know I had that patience in me.

Gustong gusto ko mang saktan ang nananakit sa kaniya ay hindi pwede. Walang akong pakialam kung sinong mali. I will protect her, always.

Isang away niya lang ata ang pinagpasalamat ko pa. May kapatid na lalaki iyong nakaaway niya at nakialam. Iyon ata ang unang pakikipag away ko sa school na natuwa pa ako. Atlast, I got to release a punch that I was waiting for a long time. Gigil na gigil ako.

I wouldn't want to stop until I saw Kri crying so hard while looking at me. Halos madapa pa ako ng lumapit sa kaniya.

"Hey..." her hair was on her face and she can't breathe properly. Patuloy ang paghikbi niya at ang tanging nagawa niya lang ay kumapit ng mahigpit sa lukut lukot kong polo.

"I'm... I'm s-sorry..." she said while shaking her head. My heart was beating so fast I don't freaking know why.

I held her face and tried to wipe her tears. She's crying real hard I wanted to go back and punch that guy again.

"Why are you apologizing? Are you hurt?" I tried to examine her body but she just shook her head. "Kri, stop crying. Kahit babae iyon ay papatulan ko na kung talagang nasaktan ka niya,"

That time, she buried her face to my chest and cry even more. Binalikan ko pa ang sinabi ko kung may nasabi ba akong mali para maiyak siya ng ganoon.

"Kri you're making me worry so much! Talk to me," all I can hear is her continuous sobs and apology that I don't know for what.

I hug her with so much care like I'm afraid I break her.

"I just love you s-so much..." she whisper in a tiny voice that if I'm inch away I'm sure I won't hear.

It should feel like normal. She always say that to me like a normal thing but my heart can feel it was something more.

"You know I love you too," I said like a normal thing.

She shook her head, "I love you, you, as you..." she look up to me and I almost lost my breath.

I can see those fear in her eyes. And from that I understand what she's trying to say. The side of my lips turn to form a smile. Hindi ko alam na may ilalalim pa pala ito. I adore her so much for saying that. My baby girl got so much nerve.

"And you know I love you too..." I whisper back. She frown.

Akala niya siguro ay hindi ko naintindihan ang sinabi niya. That day was a hell parehas na magulang namin ay napatawag dahil sa nangyari. But whatever that was, I am thankful for that day.

Our memories are all very vivid to me like it all just happened yesterday. How she cried while she confess her feelings and now, how she cried while breaking us.

I cannot compare the pain I'm feeling for it is so much. I can literally feel the line in my heart as if it is slowly breaking.

Never in my wildest dream I saw this happen. I never expected any of this. Her last word were sorry and it is too much. This is too much.

I let the day past thinking that we can talk and make things okay again but her decision is firm and I cannot blame her for that. I wanted to hurt myself more thinking what she went through while I don't know a single thing about it.

I can't imagine her depression stage. No, I can't picture my Kri in that stage. But then it happened and I wasn't there. I thought we will break through together. But I wasn't there in her worst. I didn't see that part, I didn't feel that part and now I don't know what to do anymore.

Months past I saw her again. We're both invited in Vaughn's wedding and the beating of my heart still doesn't change when she's around.

She still make me feel. But I can see the change in her eyes, the way she smiles, it's not the same anymore.

She's with her parents. I didn't bother to come and greet them, I know she'll be uncomfortable. Our parents didn't take it lightly as I told them the wedding will be called off.

I know her parents are very disappointed but I tried to make them understand and not to take it all on Kri.

"Congratulations!" I greeted.

"Thank you for coming, man." Vaughn tapped my shoulder and I just shrugged.

That was what I had in mind back then. In his position, a groom, and Kri, my bride. Well I guess it will be just my greatest dream.

I was walking going outside the church when I saw Kri. Our eyes met and from that moment I just wanted to run and lock her in my arms, cry and begged her to take me again.

I am so sure she saw the pain in my eyes that's why she looked away. I'm sorry, I can't hide it. I'm sorry because that's what I really feel.

Can't she just take another look again? I wanted to see her eyes again. Her face.

She always tell me she loved those things. When we're looking at each other, she will look away, and look again finding me still looking at her.

When we bid goodbye, I will always make her turn away first, but then she will look again and find me still staring.

She will smile and I know she appreciate those things. It's like I will never going away.

I won't. But she does.

As I am standing near her I quietly ask, "Why are you alone here?"

"Mom and Dad are still inside, I'm waiting them..." she speak in a small voice.

We're just both looking ahead not wanting to face each other. I don't know what else to say when in my mind I have so many things I want to tell her.

"I didn't know Vaugn has a girl."

From my peripheral view I saw her shrugged, "He wasn't very open but he told me it was going on for five years..."

"Five years..." I said quietly.

She looked at me but I didn't. I don't want her to see the pain in my eyes. I don't want her to feel bad about it, I understand her. I am trying.

Her parents came and I greeted them. I don't know what to say to her and I know she don't know what to do too.

I smiled at her, "See you later,"

Matagal siyang tumitig bago tumango.

"See you..." she said and walk away.

My heart crumpled in a way I never felt before. This is the girl I love.

She stop at few steps and look back again only to find me still staring. I see how her eyes spark. She smiled at the way how I remember it. She smile and slowly walk again.

She smiled at the way I remember it and I can't help but to adore her more. More and more that I can feel my tears at the side of my eyes for too much emotion.

This is the girl I love. This is the girl I will only love.

No matter how many times you look back, you will always find me staying still, and staring. Never going away.