Shattered Window

Chapter 21: A Close Friend's Honest Words Pierce My Most Absurd Obsession

After the bookshelf was finished, the relationship between Lin Yuanzhou and Shen Zhi entered a strange state. It wasn't quite romantic, but it was more than ordinary roommates. They'd sit in the living room, neither speaking, but the silence wasn't cold. Shen Zhi would read, Yuanzhou would draw, the rain filling the gaps. Occasionally they'd look up and catch each other's eyes, then look away.

But the visa issue hung over Yuanzhou's head like a knife. He couldn't fool himself. Thirty days — by now, more than half had passed. The resumes he'd sent out were like stones dropped into the ocean — not even an interview to show for it. Every night he scrolled through job listings until his eyes ached. Every morning the first thing he did was check his inbox. Empty.

Qian Liang asked him to get dinner on Friday night, said it had been a while, the usual place. Yuanzhou knew Qian Liang had something to say. The usual place was a Sichuan restaurant in Chinatown, not far from Old Zhou's. When Yuanzhou arrived, Qian Liang was already seated, two bottles of beer on the table, already opened, condensation beading on the glass.

"You're here?" Qian Liang pushed one of the beers toward him. "Drink."

Yuanzhou sat down and took a sip. Cold. Bitter.

"How've you been?" Qian Liang asked.

"Fine."

"How fine is fine?"

Yuanzhou didn't answer. Qian Liang picked up a piece of twice‑cooked pork with his chopsticks, chewed, and looked at him.

"How many days left on your visa?"

"About two weeks."

"Found a job?"

"No."

Qian Liang put down his chopsticks. "Then what are you going to do?"

Yuanzhou took another sip. "Keep looking."

"Looking until when? Until the last day? Then pack up and go home?" Qian Liang's voice wasn't loud, but every word landed like a nail. "Yuanzhou, I'm not trying to pour cold water on you. Do the math yourself. Your OPT unemployment days are used up. Your grace period has only two weeks left. Even if you found a job today, would the company have time to file an H1B? And even if they did, would you win the lottery?"

Yuanzhou didn't speak. He knew all of this better than Qian Liang.

"What's so bad about going back?" Qian Liang said. "Your parents have only one son. How long have they been waiting for you to come back? What are you even holding out for? How long can you keep this up?"

"I don't want to go back."

"You don't want to, but the visa says otherwise. It's not up to you."

Yuanzhou gripped his beer bottle, his knuckles white. "You know why I don't want to go back."

Qian Liang looked at him, silent for a few seconds. "Because of that roommate?"

Yuanzhou didn't deny it.

"Yuanzhou, wake up." Qian Liang's voice dropped. "How long have you known her? A month? You don't even know her full name, do you? You don't know anything about her."

"I do."

"What do you know?"

Yuanzhou opened his mouth. He wanted to say that Shen Zhi's leg had been sabotaged by Chen Zhiyuan, that she'd taken antidepressants, that she cried in the middle of the night. But the words died in his throat. It wasn't his story to tell.

"She's Shen Zhi. That's enough," he said.

Qian Liang blinked, then sighed. "Enough? When your visa expires, what do you have to work with? You can't stay. What can the two of you do? Long distance? Transcontinental? She'll wait for you after you leave? What gives you the right to ask her to wait?"

Every sentence was like a knife.

Yuanzhou didn't answer. He finished his beer and ordered another.

"I'm not trying to break you two up." Qian Liang's tone softened. "I'm afraid you're going to ruin yourself. If you go back now, you can start over. If you keep spinning your wheels here until the last day, you'll have nothing to show for it, and then you'll have to start from scratch when you get back. Is that what you want?"

"I don't want that." Yuanzhou said. "But I want even less to just leave like this."

Qian Liang looked at him and shook his head. "You've always been stubborn like this."

The two of them sat in silence for a while. The restaurant was loud — a neighboring table was playing a drinking game, waiters rushed back and forth carrying dishes. But those sounds felt very far away to Yuanzhou.

"Does your roommate know about your visa situation?" Qian Liang asked.

"Yes."

"Does she know you only have two weeks left?"

"Yeah."

"What does she say?"

Yuanzhou thought of Shen Zhi saying, "I have a friend who's an immigration lawyer." Thought of how he'd refused. Thought of her saying, "You should be an architect." Thought of her treating him to Thai food. Thinking of these things made his chest ache.

"She didn't say anything," Yuanzhou said.

Qian Liang looked at him and didn't ask further.

After the meal, the two of them stood outside the restaurant. The rain had started again — not heavy, just a fine mist.

"I'm going." Qian Liang opened his umbrella. "Think it over. Don't wait until the last day to regret it."

"Yeah."

Qian Liang patted his shoulder and turned away. Yuanzhou stood in the rain without an umbrella. The raindrops hit his face, cool. He stood there for a long time before getting on his scooter and heading back to the bookstore.

It was nearly ten when he arrived. He pushed the door open. Shen Zhi was still sitting behind the register, a book in her hand. When she saw him come in, she looked up.

"You got caught in the rain?" she asked.

"It's nothing."

"Go upstairs and take a hot shower. Don't catch a cold."

Yuanzhou nodded and went upstairs. After his shower, he came out to find Shen Zhi already in the living room, sitting on the sofa. On the coffee table, as usual, a glass of water waited for him — warm.

He sat down and took a sip.

"What did Qian Liang want?" Shen Zhi asked.

"Dinner."

"Just dinner?"

Yuanzhou looked at her. "He said I should go back to China."

Shen Zhi's finger paused on the page of her book. "What do you think?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to go back?"

Yuanzhou was silent for a long time. "No."

Shen Zhi didn't say anything. She looked back down at her book. But Yuanzhou noticed that when she turned the page, her finger trembled slightly.

"Shen Zhi," he called her.

"Yeah."

"If I said I want to stay, do you think I have a chance?"

Shen Zhi looked up at him. There was something flickering in her eyes — not tears, something else.

"Whether you have a chance isn't up to me," she said. "It's up to you."

Yuanzhou leaned back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. That water stain was still there, like a faded map. He didn't know where he was supposed to go.

"I'm going to bed," he said, standing up.

"Lin Yuanzhou."

He turned back.

"Don't listen to Qian Liang." Shen Zhi said. "If you don't want to go back, don't go back. There will be a way."

Yuanzhou looked at her, wanting to ask "what way," but he didn't. He nodded and went to his room.

He lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Qian Liang's words circled in his head — "You can't stay. What can the two of you do?" And Shen Zhi's words also circled — "If you don't want to go back, don't go back. There will be a way."

He picked up his notebook, flipped to the last page, and wrote: "Qian Liang told me to go back to China. Said I shouldn't keep spinning my wheels. Shen Zhi said there will be a way. I don't know who to believe. I only know I don't want to leave."

After writing, he stared at the page for a long time. Outside, the rain fell harder and harder, pounding against the window.

He closed the notebook and closed his eyes.

Fifteen days left on his visa.

He didn't know what he could find in those fifteen days. A job. Or something else.

But he knew he wasn't ready to say goodbye.