Alliance of Shadows: NEIL

Conversational Admissions

Once we left the clinic, I sat in the car with her for a hot minute. Phil was right. Eventually, that little secret I was carrying around for the last half a year would find the light of day. How dad would handle it likely hedged on how fast I could run. Looking over at her, I took in the silent way she was curiously taking in the scene around her.

“Neil, there’s a wolf,” she whispered.

Raising my eyes to the shadowy side of the building, I nodded. “They’re a common sight here. Don’t worry. The good ones won’t attack unprovoked. Only the feral, and there aren’t many of them.”

The explanation was good enough to cover up the facts for now. It was the only way to get around the order without completely disregarding it. The consequences wouldn’t be pretty if I did that.

“It looks like it’s hurt,” she whispered.

Scowling, I let my senses target the wolf, knowing it was someone from the pack. ‘State your business.’

‘Was training and fell, Alpha Prince. Is the good doctor in?’ The wolf was male, likely one of the Warriors or Guards.

‘He is,’ I replied. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s a good thing that Phil has a vet license, too. Some do actually come asking for help as long as humans don’t give them a reason to fear.”

She breathed a relaxed laugh. “That’s amazing.”

Dropping in to the closest fuel station, I put more gas in the car, paid, and started the long drive out of the town limits. Fog clouded the ocean while finger-like threads of it crept up over the rocky cliffs and across the road. It felt like an omen of bad weather as the car lights reflected off the guardrails. The sky was darkening, the promise of rain hanging over us like an axe ready to fall.

The road was flanked by steep jagged cliffs and crumbling, flat-faced mountainous hills. It was curved and had hills with sharp turns at the bottom in some places, but it was straight and smooth for the most part. You could see the ocean from the road as the waves crashed against the rocks sending white, foamy spray up into the air. Clusters of forest and smaller settlements made up much of the countryside.

I pointed out huge white bales to Izzy as we drove past them. Jokingly, I told her all we needed now was a bonfire and a gigantic stick so we could roast the marshmallows. When she laughed, but it didn’t sound natural in the slightest. Her real laugh was something I desperately wanted to hear.

Finally, once I passed several smaller settlements and took the fork that would get me to our destination faster, we pulled into the parking lot of the quaint diner I often enjoyed on my own. I glanced over at her. Letting her into something that was solely mine felt… right.

Yeah, that was the word.

It felt like I was doing something, not just to make myself happy, but to help her calm her heart and mind. To help her experience the sweeter things in life. Even my wolf was prancing – granted it was likely for the snack we were about to have, but still. He was happier than I’d felt since I was a child.

“So, before we go in, are you okay? Do you need a minute? Phil, uh, he told me to check with you before putting you in situations that might not… um… make you feel safe.” I said, stumbling over my words like a fresh-faced teenager who never talked to a girl.

“I’m… I’m feeling better. I mean, better than I did yesterday. Like I’m finally starting to come out of the haze,” she murmured. Fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, she swallowed. “I’m sorry. I… I’m just being emotional.”

Reaching over, I took her hand. The world outside the car was still, the quiet rustle of the wind in the trees and the distant squawk of crows proved just how in the sticks we were. Nature prevailed here, and Humans respected Her right to thrive. The random laugh and crunch of gravel under the feet of patrons who were leaving made me smile.

“This place makes the best poutine,” I said. Sighing, I shook my head slightly. “Izaria, you’re not being emotional. That haze your talking about? I know it. I walked through it myself when my mother passed. Like you, I went through the motions of grief: the denial, the blame – everything.”

The shimmer of her tears made the guilt of how I treated her that morning come back full force. My thumb traced the bruise I’d inadvertently left on her tender skin. “I’m sorry about the bruise. I don’t always know my own strength because I don’t normally hang out with females. I didn’t realize I was holding you that tightly.”

“I didn’t notice it, honestly. Not until Doctor Kade pointed it out,” Izaria answered with a small, soft smile. “Thank you… um… for apologizing. You didn’t have to.”

“But I did,” I said, my voice tight. “Izzy, come here.”

She didn’t fight me, didn’t even whimper as she leaned into me. “No, really. It’s okay.”

Pulling her into a gentle hug, I set my jaw, my chin resting on her head. I whispered, “I had no right to hurt you like that. No one does. You’ll learn here that everyone takes care of their own. I’m used to your presence now, so you might wanna get used to being taken care of.”

“I…”

Cutting her off, I dug deep. I turned my thoughts to Dreson. What would he do in my shoes? What would he say to her to make her understand that she didn’t have to go along with anything. That she held the power to reject anyone she wished, and those loyal to me and my father would bow out. Then it hit me like a solid punch to the chest. “Izaria, has no one ever told you your rights?”

She pulled back, frowning at me, “What rights?”

“The right to say no, for one. Are you seriously telling me that you just went along with whatever before you came here? Is that why you help the, um, servants with the housework?” I pressed, wanting to know the raw truth behind her actions.

“I was afraid Henry would send me away if I… if I didn’t help out.” She whispered, her tone that of forced reconciliation. “That Aunt Clara would stop caring.”

Shit.

Helping her was going to be so much harder than I thought. I blew out my cheeks, “Izzy, dad was the one who told Clara to bring you to us. He was the one who demanded the staff respect you as an extension of your aunt.”

I was not about to tell her that he threatened to hand me my ass if I didn’t watch out for her.

“I just… my mother… she…” her inability to concretely articulate what was on her mind wasn’t cute.

It was a painful reminder that the people who were supposed to care, teach, and love her unconditionally didn’t. It wasn’t grief she was fighting. It was herself. Her reawakening from a terrified child to finding her footing as a free spirit. She was trying to reconcile what she knew with her new life, and it was excruciating to watch.

Letting out a shuddering breath, she calmed slightly. Then, “I was always in the way. Nothing I did mattered. Not my grades, not any of my scholastic achievements – nothing. After Daddy died, she became dark. Then she found Grant, and my life slipped into darkness. I was always alone, always the one called on to keep up the house. I envied others who had the freedom I craved.”

“Normal behaviour,” I commented, keeping my voice as calm and soothing as possible.

“When… when the cops showed up to tell me he hit a light pole doing a buck in a forty zone?” She paused. Whether for dramatic effect or because she was thinking, I didn’t know. “Is it wrong, Neil?”

“What’s that?” I asked, curious.

Brushing the tears from her own face, she shook her head. “Is it wrong that I didn’t feel any remorse? That I felt relieved? Does it make me a bad person if I just felt… numb?”

Now that was a lot of baggage to be shouldering. I shook my head. “Set it down, Izaria. Unbox that s**t and get rid of it because there’s nothing wrong with how you reacted. Numb only means you didn’t know how to process it, but it doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t make you evil to feel relieved. It just means you were too strong for too long. That you put up with way too freaking much pain to deal with their bullshit any longer.”

Her startled gasp was the only thing that said my words made a significant impact. How deeply they hit was unknown for now, but it was what it was. There wasn’t much I could do to change anything, but Phil was right. I was doing what I could as the need arose.

“That… that made sense,” she said. “No one’s ever been so… blunt with me before. Rude, condescending, and hateful, yes. Talking to me like a child who doesn’t know how the world works? Been there, too. But this is the first time anyone’s actually said it straight. No flowery words, no flourish, just… just honest truth.”

Barking a laugh, I turned my gaze to the window. Staring at the treeline with thoughtful intensity. I know the joke – me, a wolf shifter, barking a laugh? The irony wasn’t lost. Trust me. “Yeah, it’s deterring to have someone talk down to you like your opinion doesn’t matter. People who think they’re the crème de la crème, yet they wouldn’t know the back end of a wolf’s ass if they were sniffing the hole.”

She giggled. A real, albeit short, laugh. “That’s a pretty, um, vivid analogy.”