Alliance of Shadows: NEIL

Confessions

“What happened this time?” Clara asked when we returned. “Someone from the force called in an incident.”

Joining her in the kitchen after I made sure Izaria was safely tucked up in her room, I quietly explained everything while making my way to the fridge. “I still haven’t figured out how to tell her about the whole Werewolves are real thing. I didn't realize how hard it would be. I mean, how do I even start? Hey, Izzy, I love you. By the way, I turn into a four-legged furry every once in a while.”

Laughing at me and my frank explanation, Clara shook her head. “Why not? Maybe she’d like a breathing furball next to her at night.”

“Seriously? How do you do it, Clara? How did you put up with me?” I asked.

Her smile faded to one of understanding. “When we met, you and your father were both a hot mess. I did what I needed to for my Mate, but I know I couldn’t save you. Not really. I could be here, care, give advice, but the only way to really heal you was to find your True Mate.”

“She arrived just in time,” I whispered, thinking back on the decision I had almost made months before.

“You have to tell her soon, Neil. We’re hosting the All Hallows Gathering this year,” she murmured. She narrowed her eyes on me, “Do you really want your relationship with her based on secrets and lies?”

Letting out a breath, I turned to face her, and the snappy comeback I had in mind died in my throat. Instead of anger, I saw empathy. Instead of pity, I saw compassion. I took a seat and sighed. For the first time ever, I felt the weight of my Alpha status pressing down on me.

Clara reached over, giving my hand a gentle pat. “Neil, I saw how badly everyone treated you, and I prayed that you would find your other half. I just don’t want everything to come together for you only to have it fall apart on you.”

Rather than recoil, King leaned into the woman’s touch. Enjoying her motherly comfort.

I laughed lightly. “It turned out to be the very person I swore up and down I wanted nothing to do with.”

Clara laughed softly. “In all honesty, leaving her under your care never bothered me in the slightest.”

“I was patient with her. I could have been the monster Molly makes me out to be, but I wasn't,” I said with a frown.

“Yes, and I’m thankful,” she murmured.

I shook my head. Guilt ate at me. Remorse over my thoughts six short months ago had pretty much destroyed my consciousness. My friends wouldn’t hesitate to beat my ass for the dark, debilitating ideas about how to die that ran through my mind on repeat when s**t got too hard to handle. I knew I had to tell her what I had been going through, to make her understand what my girl had done for me.

Taking a deep breath, I said, “The day everything turned around for me, I was ready to write a letter explaining why I couldn’t go on living anymore. I had everything planned out, right down to the last detail. The plan was that I would end my life because everything just seemed so damn hopeless. She saved me that day, Clara.”

Tears shimmered in her eyes. I could almost hear her heart breaking for me as she clutched my hand in hers and squeezed it gently. “Honey, I’m so sorry you felt like that. You know that your father and I are here for you no matter what. From now on, I need you to think of the many reasons you have to live, Neil. I know that the whole bad stepmom stuff ate at you for a while, but I only ever saw your existence as an extension of my Mate.”

I blinked back the hot tears that threatened to fall as Clara excused herself for the night. She was right. I did lump her in with the stereotypical evil stepmother, but, time and time again, she proved me wrong without ever trying. Numb and deep in thought, I wandered up to my own room only to find myself staring at Izaria from the doorway of hers.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I caressed her face with my knuckles. “Are you okay, Izaria?”

“Can you stay with me,” she pleaded in a whisper, too tired to open her eyes.

Mentally exhausted, I didn’t have the will to fight her request. I silently stripped down to my boxers and slid into the bed beside her. If I was going to mess this up, there was my perfect opportunity. I would be a monster if I took advantage of her current state to satisfy my personal desires. Her soft body was nestled against me. I lifted her left hand to gaze at the ring on her finger as I laced our fingers together. I nuzzled her neck, inhaling her intoxicating scent. As I settled into the bed with my angel in my arms, I tried to fight the pull of sleep that was steadily dragging me under.

‘Sleep, Neil.’ King commanded softly.

Sighing again, I settled without understanding just how tired I really was…

The next thing I knew, morning had arrived. Since I didn’t recognize the room right away, I bolted upright, scanning my surroundings cautiously. I turned only to look down into a set of humour-filled blue eyes. Izzy giggled, oblivious to the danger she was in at the moment.

“You think me coming awake like that is funny?” I asked. Angry over her lack of fear, I pinned her to the bed. "You don't know what kind of violence I'm capable of, Izaria.”

She squirmed, "Neil, don't. Please, don't. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry."

Looking down at her, I instantly regretted my reaction. I let go of her hands, resting my head on her shoulder while she shook beneath me. I had shown her love, gentleness, patience, and care. I showed her how to defend herself and taught her to no longer fear me.

In one crazy instant of lost control, I felt like everything was falling apart. Like my world was crumbling around me, and I was helpless to stop it. My panic surfaced, and the thought that I would hear her soul-shattering rejection cut me deeper than any blade could. Kissing her shoulder, I willed my body to relax. “I didn’t mean to scare you, Angel. I'm so sorry. It’s not your fault that I reacted badly, Izzy. It’s not your fault, baby.”

She didn’t move for a few heartbeats. Then, her arms went up around my shoulders, holding me tightly. I wasn’t going to tell her about me being a Werewolf so soon, but I could no longer keep it secret. Not now that she'd seen a darker side of me. She would never forgive me for hiding the truth. Her trust in me would fade, and she would probably reconsider my proposal for marriage.

I wasn't willing to live without her, to wake each day without her light in my life. Even though it could cost me my beloved angel in the process, I could no longer hide my last secret. It was in that moment I understood that Clara was right. If I had any chance with Izaria, I needed to come clean.

Tired of everything, I sat on the edge of the bed and hung my head in shame. She moved until her body covered my back, and her arms dangled loosely over my shoulders.

“What’s wrong, Neil,” she asked. There was a calm to her voice I knew she wasn’t really feeling. She didn’t yet know that I could smell her fear, her anxiety.

‘Please, Goddess, please don’t let her reject me after all that we’ve been through.’ Taking a deep breath, I said, “Izzy, there’s something I need to tell you. Before I do, I need you to promise me you won’t turn against me. You are the only person in this world that can shatter me, heart and soul.”

She sat beside me on the bed. “Why would you need that kind of promise from me?”

I slid off the bed and dropped to my knees in front of her. “I love you, Izaria, but there’s something about me you need to know before we go any further. Before anyone else says anything that could taint your view of me, I have to tell you something I've been wrestling with.”

Yes, we'd gotten engaged pretty quickly, but she could have said no. I would have dropped the issue… only to ask again later, sure, but she didn't deny me. She'd said yes, danced, laughed, and was happy. With me.

Her fingers closed over my hand, catching me off-guard. “Neil, whatever it is, I can handle it. Please, tell me.”

“I really don't know how to say this, not without sounding insane, so I’ll tell it to you straight,” I told her. Taking a steadying breath, I let the explanation out with four simple words: “I’m a Werewolf, Izzy.”

“You’re a what,” she asked quietly. There was nothing in her voice as she spoke. Nothing but a sudden, shocked silence.

I was expecting her to be terrified of me, but the silence scared me more than anything else. The room was quiet, and the air too still. Opening my eyes, I noted that her face was pale, and her features drawn. Getting off the floor, I gathered my discarded clothes and left.

Out of fear that I would hear her rejection, I didn’t wait for her to speak again. No, I did what I had begged her not to do.

I ran.