Beyond Her Beauty

CHAPTER 14 (Lost √)

Then my heartbreak doubled when I asked for my parents, and Anne told me that all the families had been escorted away quickly. I didn’t even get to say good-bye to them.

Anne stroked my hair, gently shushing me. Mary was at my feet, rubbing my legs comfortingly. Lucy simply held her hands to her heart, as if she felt it all with me.

“Thank you,” I whispered between sniffles. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

They exchanged glances. “There’s nothing to apologize for, miss,” Anne insisted.

I knew if they said that to me. This crosses their boundaries again.

I wanted to correct her, because I’d certainly crossed the line with how I treated them, but another knock came at the door. I tried to think of how to politely say I didn’t want to see Kaden right now, but when Lucy hopped up to answer it, Bridger’s face was on the other side.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, ladies, but I heard the crying and wanted to make sure you were all right,” he said.

He crossed the floor toward my bed, a bold move considering the day we’d all had.

“Lady Lily, I’m very very sorry about your sister. I heard she was something special. If you need anything, I’m here.” The look in Bridger’s eyes communicated so much: that he was willing to sacrifice any number of things to make this better if he could, that he wanted to take it all away if only for my sake.

What an i***t I’d been. I’d almost given up the one person in the world who really knew me, really loved me. Bridger and I had been building a life together, and the Selection nearly destroyed it.

Bridger was home. Bridger was safe.

“Thank you,” I replied quietly. “Your kindness means a great deal to me.”

Bridger gave me an almost imperceptible smile. I could tell he wanted to stay, and I wanted that as well; but with my maids bustling around, it couldn’t happen. I remembered thinking the other day that I would always have Bridger, and I was happy to find that it was absolutely true.

________________________

HEY KITTY.

I’M SO SORRY WE DIDN’T GET TO SAY GOOD-BYE. THE KING SEEMED TO THINK IT WOULD BE SAFEST FOR THE FAMILIES TO LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I TRIED TO GET TO YOU, I PROMISE. IT JUST DIDN’T HAPPEN.

I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW WE GOT HOME SAFELY. THE KING LET US KEEP OUR CLOTHES, AND MAY IS SPENDING EVERY SPARE MOMENT IN THOSE DRESSES. I SUSPECT SHE’S SECRETLY HOPING SHE NEVER GROWS ANOTHER INCH SO SHE CAN USE HER BALL GOWN AT HER WEDDING. IT REALLY LIFTS HER SPIRITS. I’M NOT SURE I’LL EVER FORGIVE THE ROYAL FAMILY FOR MAKING TWO OF MY CHILDREN WATCH THAT FIRSTHAND, BUT YOU KNOW HOW RESILIENT MAY IS. IT’S YOU I’M WORRIED ABOUT. WRITE US SOON.

I KNOW. WE LIED ABOUT LIEZEL. SORRY FOR THAT. I JUST WANT YOUR MOM TO BE HAPPY. WE LOST YOUR SISTER AND WE SAW HER AT THE PARK. WE KNEW IT FROM THE VERY START THAT SHE IS NOT YOU SISTER SINCE SHE HAD A HUGE BIRTHMARK ON HER BACK. YOUR SISTER DOESN'T HAVE THAT. BUT SINCE SHE LOOKS LIKE YOUR SISTER. WE STILL TOOK HER. TO MANIPULATE OUR SELF, THAT SHE IS YOU SISTER. OUR DAUGHTER.

MAYBE THIS ISN’T THE RIGHT THING TO SAY, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW: WHEN YOU RAN FOR THE STAGE, I’VE NEVER BEEN SO PROUD OF YOU IN ALL MY LIFE. YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN BEAUTIFUL; YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN TALENTED. AND NOW I KNOW THAT YOUR MORAL COMPASS IS PERFECTLY ALIGNED, THAT YOU SEE CLEARLY WHEN THINGS ARE WRONG, AND YOU DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO STOP IT. AS A FATHER, I CAN’T ASK FOR MORE.

I LOVE YOU, KITTY, AND I’M SO, SO PROUD OF YOU.

LOVE DAD

________________________

How was it that Dad always knew what to say? I kind of wanted someone to rearrange the stars so they spelled out his words. I needed them big and bright, and somewhere I could see them when things felt dark. I love you. And I’m so, so proud.

The Elite were given the option of breakfast in their rooms, and I took it. I wasn’t ready to see Kaden yet. By the afternoon I was a bit more put together and decided to go down to the Women’s Room for a while. If nothing else, there was at least a television, and I could stand to be distracted.

The girls seemed surprised when I walked in, which I guessed was to be expected. I did tend to hide from time to time, and if there was ever a moment to do that, it was now. Selena was lounging on a couch, flipping through a magazine. Milléa didn’t have newspapers like I’d heard other countries did. We had the Report. Magazines were the closest things we had to printed news, and people like me could never afford them. Selena always seemed to have one on hand, and, for some reason, that irritated me today.

Kriesha and Elise were at a table drinking tea and talking as Natalie stood in the back, looking out a window.

“Oh, look,” Selena said to no one in particular. “Here’s another one of my ads.”

Selena was a model. The idea of her flipping through pictures of herself drove my irritation deeper.

“Lady Lily?” someone called. I turned and saw the queen Anastasia and some of her attendants in the corner. She looked like she was doing needlework.

I curtsied, and she waved me over. My stomach did a flip as I considered my behavior yesterday. I’d never intended to offend her and was suddenly afraid I’d done just that. I felt the eyes of the other girls on me. The queen Anastasia usually spoke to us as a group, rarely one-on-one.

I gave another curtsy as I approached. “Majesty.”

“Please sit, Lady Lily,” she said kindly, motioning to an empty chair across from her.

I obliged, still very nervous.

“You put up quite a fight yesterday,” she commented.

I swallowed. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

“You were very close to her?”

I choked back my sadness. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

She sighed. “A lady ought not to behave in such a way. The cameras were so focused on the action at hand that they missed your conduct. Still, it doesn’t behoove you to lash out like that.”

It wasn’t the order of a queen Anastasia. It was the reprimand of a mother. That made it a thousand times worse. It was like she felt responsible for me, and I’d let her down.

I bowed my head. For the first time, I truly felt bad about how I reacted.

She reached over and rested her hand on my knee. I looked up to her face, shocked by the casual touch.

“All the same,” she whispered, “I’m glad you did it.” And she smiled at me.

“She was my best friend and my sister.”

“That doesn’t stop because she’s gone, sweetheart.” queen Anastasia Karmilla patted my leg kindly.

It was exactly what I needed: motherly affection.

Tears bit at the corners of my eyes. “I don’t know what to do,” I whispered. I nearly let everything spill out right there about how I was feeling, but I was conscious of the eyes of the other girls on me.

“I told myself I wouldn’t get involved,” she stated, and sighed. “Even if I wanted to, I’m not sure there’s much to say.”

She was right. What words could undo all that had happened?

The queen Anastasia leMaried into me and spoke sweetly. “Still, go easy on him.”

I knew she meant well, but I really didn’t want to discuss her son. I nodded and rose. She smiled at me kindly and gestured that I was free to go. I wandered over to sit with Elise and Kriesha.

“How are you doing?” Elise asked sympathetically.

“I’m fine. It’s Liezel I’m worried about.”

“At least they’re together. They’ll make it as long as they have each other,” Kriesha commented.

“How do you know Liezel and Carter are together?”

“Kaden told me,” she replied, as if it was common knowledge.

“Oh,” I said, disappointed.

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell you, of all people. You and Liezel were so close. Besides, you’re his favorite, right?” she said.

I glanced at Kriesha, then at Elise. They both carried a look of concern in their eyes but also maybe a sense of relief.

Selena laughed. “She’s obviously not anymore,” she muttered, not bothering to look up from her magazine. Clearly, my fall was to be expected.

I changed the subject back to Liezel. “I still can’t believe Kaden put them through that. It was disturbing how calm he was about it.”

“But what she did was wrong,” Natalie remarked. There wasn’t anything judgmental about her tone, only a quiet acceptance, like she was following instructions.

Elise spoke up. “He could have had them killed. The law is on his side in that one. He showed them mercy.”

“Mercy?” I scoffed. “You call having your skin torn apart in public merciful?”

“Yes, all things considered,” she continued. “I bet if we could ask Liezel, she’d choose caning over dying.”

“Elise is right,” Kriesha said. “I agree that it was absolutely terrible, but I would rather have that than death.”

“Please,” I sneered, my anger coming to the surface. “You’re a Three. Everyone knows your dad’s a famous professor, and you’ve lived your whole life in libraries, completely comfortable. You’d never survive the beating, let alone a life as an Eight afterward. You’d be begging to die.”

Kriesha glared at me. “Don’t pretend that you know anything about what I can and cannot tolerate. Just because you’re a Five, you think you’re the only one who’s ever suffered?”

“No, but I’m sure I’ve experienced far worse than you,” I said, my voice rising in anger, “and I couldn’t take what Liezel went through. I’m saying I doubt you’d fare any better.”

“I’m braver than you think, Lily. You have no idea the things I’ve sacrificed over the years. And if I make a mistake, I own up to the consequences.”

“Why should there be any consequences at all?” I posed. “Kaden keeps saying how difficult the Selection is for him, how hard it is to make the choice, and then one of us falls for someone else. Shouldn’t he be thanking her for making his decision easier?”

Natalie, seeming distressed, tried to interject. “I heard the funniest thing yesterday!”

“But the law—” Kriesha called over her.

“Lily has a point,” Elise countered quickly, and the ordered conversation crumbled.

We were speaking over one another, trying to make our opinions heard, justifying why we thought what happened was wrong or right. This was a first, but something I’d been expecting from the start. With this many girls together, competing against one another, there was no way we wouldn’t fight eventually.