The August 8th Dinner

I was Stupid

It was one of those hot afternoons in mid-March, heralding the start of summer. Jackie was half-lying on a chaise lounge, accompanied by Louisa, who was massaging her left arm. Jackie was feeling very low. Not only was she feeling hormonal, her hips aching from the weight of carrying twins (she was pregnant with twins and would soon be entering her seventh month), and prolonged fatigue, but also her body temperature had risen drastically. A rise in body temperature is normal for pregnant women, but combined with the heat of early summer, Jackie felt unbearable.

Jackie was also feeling irritable and more sensitive than usual. When she forgot to do something, she would suddenly burst into tears. Louisa seemed to understand Jackie's condition and immediately reassured her madam, as did her husband, Roger, who began diligently browsing the web for "pregnancy symptoms," "third trimester needs," and "becoming a new father." Roger never complained about Jackie's situation. One time, Jackie accidentally burned her food, which left her crying for hours. Roger wasn't angry, instead he hugged her and suggested that Lou also take over the cooking task. But this suggestion also offended Jackie, because if she didn't do anything, then what could Roger expect from her? At least she wanted Roger to continue enjoying her cooking. Or does Roger not love her anymore?

That's about the complexity of Jackie's mood. And on this hot afternoon, her mood couldn't be better.

Fortunately, Louisa always with Jackie, and she understood her task well. Roger had often come home late in the past few months, and even missed some nights due to extra projects or overtime work. Since learning the results of their ultrasound a few months ago, the two had prepared themselves that giving birth, bearing, and raising twins would not be easy. The cost of childbirth these days is also not small, especially if they wanted the best care for Jackie and the babies. Therefore, Roger asked Jackie for permission to work overtime and earn extra income so they would be financially prepared for the day of the birth. Jackie agreed, but the consequence was Roger's absence on several nights. However, Roger usually made an effort to come home, even if it was late.

And so, Jackie often missed Roger time of returning home. Roger arrived past midnight—when she was already on bed, sleeping—even Louisa help heating his dinner, who was supposed to be on call as a housekeeper. The only time Jackie felt Roger's presence was when she woke up and found her husband beside her, lying in deep sleep soundly.

Jackie sighed. Truly, she wanted the best for her babies, and she didn't blame Roger for wanting to prepare their finances well. However, the mood swings and fatigue due to pregnancy made Jackie crave her husband's presence more often and closer. Her emotional well-being wanted Roger's affection—she longed to be pampered.

But what could Jackie do? The situation was indeed difficult, and this was a trade-off they both had to make as a married couple.

The woman sighed again, something Lou noticed. That girl was still gently massaging her left arm.

“Is something bothering you, Madam?” Lou asked with a gentle expression.

Jackie glanced at Lou briefly, smiling. Yes, thank goodness Lou was there. Not only had the burden of housework been lifted, but at times like this, she still had someone to talk to.

“Nothing, Lou. Thank you for asking,” Jackie replied.

Lou pressed her lips together, seemingly hesitant. “Hmm… perhaps Madam has been feeling lonely lately? Because Mr. Roger often comes home late and works overtime?”

Jackie's eyes quickly returned to Louisa. Once again, she was reminded that the young girl before her was intelligent, even easily guessing what was on her mind.

“You're right, Lou. But it's okay. I still have you here, right?”

Lou didn't answer, just smiled slightly. “I'll message your right arm, Madam.”

Without waiting for Jackie's response, Lou had already shifted position and begun massaging her other arm.

“I’ve never been in your shoes, but I can understand how you’re feeling right now,” Lou continued, not making eye contact with Jackie, only continuing her work. “But don’t be sad, Ma’am. This is only temporary, and once his work is done, he’ll be home early. You’ll be the one welcoming him every night as usual, not me anymore,” Lou explained in a reassuring voice.

Louisa’s explanation somehow calmed Jackie’s roller coaster feeling. “Thank you, Lou.”

“Madam, you know better than I do that a mother’s mood affects her baby, right? If you’re often sad, your baby will feel it too.”

Jackie could imagine that. “Yes, you’re right.”

“My suggestion is that you meet your friends so you don’t feel so lonely and depressed. Let me take care of the house day and night. You must have close friends, right?” she asked carefully.

Jackie grinned. “Well, I’m not very sociable. I don’t have many close friends. Just one.”

"Well, that's enough!" Lou said cheerfully. "You can go out with your close friend and share stories. It'll definitely ease your bad mood. You'll feel more refreshed, too."

Jackie considered the suggestion. It sounded appealing.

"Thank you, Lou, that's a great idea. I'll think about it, okay?"

***

Jackie held a portable fan near her neck. It was cool, but only on her neck; it was not enough to combat the heat that had already soaked her entire body. The café where Jackie was had a ceiling fan, but it looked like they needed to install air conditioning.

“Hey, Jackie! Have you been waiting long?” a man with curly hair called from a distance. The man jogged over to Jackie.

“Hey, Ben!” Jackie greeted. “Not really, it’s fine.”

“Wow, looks like your due date is getting closer, huh?” Ben asked while putting his bag on a chair. His eyes were fixed on Jackie’s growing belly.

“I can’t wait to be called Uncle!”

Jackie laughed. “It’s still a long time, Ben. It’ll be another year before they call you that. So, what about you? Don’t you want to be called Papa?”

“Of course,” Ben replied with a look of longing, his eyes wandering for a moment before returning to Jackie with a meaningful look. “But what can I do? I haven’t found the right one yet, someone who wants to call me ‘Honey.’”

Jackie sympathized, then patted Ben on the shoulder. “You’re handsome and kind, Ben. Don’t be so hopeless. All you have to do is show off your charm and then bring one that interested to ask my testimony about your personality.”

Ben chuckled. “But, Jackie, did Roger say it was okay?”

“About…?”

“About you spending time with me here.”

“Yes,” Jackie assured. “Don’t worry. Roger seems to understand how much my world has shrunk since becoming a stay-at-home mom. He doesn’t want me or the baby to get stressed out.”

Ben chuckled, then called the waiter.

Indeed, Jackie had been seeing Ben several times a week for the past month. She had accepted Lou’s suggestion about meeting with close friends to help her feel better, and indeed, after a month of doing so, Jackie was feeling more positive than ever. Of course, she had asked Roger’s permission for this, and he had no problem with it.

"Why not, as long as it makes you happy. Besides, I've known Ben for a long time," was Roger's response when Jackie asked her husband about Lou's suggestion. Of course, Jackie only asked to meet Ben when he wasn't busy writing his articles.

"Okay then," Ben said, still pessimistic, "But I don't want to be blamed if Roger gets jealous someday, okay?"

Ben laughed, as did Jackie. The two then ordered drinks before continuing their conversation.

***

Jackie smiled as she remembered meeting Ben, still half-conscious as she felt the fluid from the second injection enter her body, making her numb. She felt as if her mind and soul were being released from each of her limbs—becoming some separate entities. As if a heavy burden had been released, Jackie discovered that her mind and soul were as light as a feather. How easy it was to let go of this body!

A sudden memory entered, interrupting Jackie's lightheartedness. A sharp memory that, if she could recall it, should have been a warning. Anger suddenly boiled within her helpless body.

That night was one of April’s nights that overwhelmed in the heat of summer. It was already half past eleven, but Jackie hadn't been able to close her eyes for an hour. The stifling heat that enveloped her made her constantly shift positions in bed, turning from side to side. The air conditioning in her room was on low, but it didn't seem to have the slightest effect on the coolness of the room. Jackie felt overwhelmed and decided to go to the kitchen to get a drink.

Jackie descended the stairs to the first floor and made her way to the kitchen, which was adjacent to Lou's room. She turned on the light, opened the refrigerator, and took a bottle of water and a glass from the shelf.

As soon as Jackie took a sip of the cold water she had poured into the glass, a refreshing sensation washed over her. Slowly, Jackie continued to sip the iced water, savoring the comfort that invaded her throat. Her eyes widened, and her hearing suddenly became sharper.

As she was lost in thought, holding her glass of water, Jackie heard muffled whispers. The sound faded for a moment, then returned. Before Jackie could realize where the sound came from, a loud thud came from the same direction—Louisa's room.

Jackie immediately moved to Louisa's door and knocked.