In Your Eyes

Past Wound

Kayrelle's POV:

Kinabukasan sa aming Personal Development Subject.

Pinag-pair kami ng aming guro na si Mr. Gonzales para sa aming performance task which is called "getting to know you, and telling everyone about you" and for petty's sake, kami ni Calix ang magkapair.

I can picture na magiging mahirap ito para sa aming dalawa - like hello~?after what happened yesterday?

Every pair gathered and started to talk on how will they work. Gosh what do I do, he just stayed put on his chair.

Leaving me with no choice, I mustered up my courage and approach him to initiate a conversation so we can talk about our performance task.

"H--" bago ko pa matapos bigkasin ang salitang 'hi' ay tumayo ito at pumunta kay Mr. Gozales. May ibinulong ito sa kanya.

"Why not? Are you unhappy with your pair?" biglang tanong ni Mr. Gonzales.

Sa puntong iyon ay natawag nila ang atensyon ng iba pa. Patuloy silang nag-usap subalit pabulong na lamang, napansin kasi nilang pinagtitingan na sila ng lahat.

Napailing na lamang si Mr. Gonzales, sinyales ng pagsuko nito kay Calix.

"Ms. Patricio, join Ms. Sanchez and Mr. Ford for this task." ani Mr. Gonzales.

Naguguluhan man ay napatango na lamang ako.

Natapos na ang klase pero hindi ang kaguluhan sa isip ko, pinaprocess ko sa utak ko ang mga sinabi ni Mr. Gonzales kanina 'why not? are you unhappy with your pair?' Dahil ba ito sa nangyari kahapon? It's so lame.

Pagkalabas na pagkalabas ni Mr. Gonzales ay ang entrance naman nitong si Audrey sa harap ko.

"Uhhhhhhh, is it a rejection? Sabagay, how could you expect for someone to like you? after all, you're just an unwanted person, an abandoned child." aniya.

Nagpantig ang tainga ko sa aking narinig, may kung ano akong naramdaman, hindi ko ito maipaliwanag subalit napakabigat nito sa kalooban.

"What did you say?" ani ko habang pinipigilang maluha.

"Why? did I say something wrong? hindi ba tama ako? you we're abandoned by your father kasi he don't want you, he left you and your mom, but I can't blame him, I would do the same if you're my daughter." pagpapatuloy nito.

"You have no idea, so stop..." naninikip dibdib kong saad.

Nagbalik sa 'kin ang araw ng pag-alis ni papa 8 years ago.

FLASHBACK:

"Hon, do you really have to go?" tanong ni mama kay papa.

"Napag-usapan na natin to hon, besides it's only for a month, before you know it, I'm already home. Take good care of our princess." wika ni papa.

"Dad, can't we go with you?"maluha-luha ko namang tanong.

"Don't cry my princess, kung pwede ko lang talaga kayong isama I'd love to. Ahhh.. ganito nalang, think of a wish and dad will grant you this when he return, okay?" pagpapatahan sakin ni papa.

"Okay dad!" wika ko na nagalak sa kanyang sinabi.

"Excuse me sir, kailangan na po nating umalis." sabi ng driver.

He embraced me and mom and then he left.

Lumipas ang isang buwan, we didn't hear from him, not even once, sa una ay hindi pa namin gaano iniisip ito sa pag-aakalang na-extend lang ang pag-stay niya roon dahil di pa nito natatapos ang kanyang trabaho.

Another month had passed and still no trail of him, even his colleagues and his agency didn't hear from him, it was eventually announced that he went missing.

The succeeding months are filled of struggles and sorrow, it was the darkest and painful chapter of our lives, I remember my mom tearing up each night and skipped meals for weeks, she almost lost it, I was hurting too but seeing my mom being in such pain, it became worst for me.

After a year we received a call from the agency, it's about my father, they mentioned that some of my father's belongings are found on the coast.

According to the person we spoke to, someone had witnessed a group of people dumping a body on the ocean, so he made a report, the search and rescue came and tried to look for it but failed to find it. They found its belongings instead. They fail to learn his identity but his s*x through his things, and while searching for my father, a collegue came acrossed and learned about the story, and to make it short, he identified those things as my father's, and the agency want to confirm it from us so they called.

My mother fell on her knees seeing my father's pair of shoe and bracelet, while I am stunned and tears are continuously flowing from my eyes.

We hardly overcome and survive that time period, we are told that my father died, but we don't have his body to grieve on.

My father is actually a government agent/spy he works to provide or gather information for the government. It is confedential so it was concealed to a job as an office worker, a government employee. I have no idea back then, but as I grow older..my mother told me everything about it, people didn't know the exact same story that I was told and the fact that my father had died, what they know is that my father had left for overseas to work and didn't return.

People assumed that he met some other woman and formed another family there. We can't argue about it and expose the truth about his death and real identity, as it would cause a stain to his honor as it is agaisnt his sworn duty, he pledge to conceal his identity as an agent/spy up to the day he give it up and retire personally and baka magbackfire pa sa amin ito, knowing his field of work, marami siyang nakabangga.

PRESENT:

Nagsimulang lumitaw ang mga luha at hikbing kinimkim at ikinubli ko noon dahil sa ayaw ko makita ni mama na ako ay nagdurusa at magdulot ito ng paglala ng kalagayan niya.

I was deeply wounded after losing my father. Losing him is losing my best friend, my mentor, my savior, my no.1 supporter, my person to run to whenever I'm sad, discouraged, down and having a hard time.

Nagpatuloy ang aking pagluha na umabot sa puntong halos hindi na ako makahinga.

"Tssk, dyan ka na nga loser.." ani Audrey sabay bangga nito sa 'kin.

Hindi ko na nagawang kumilos pa. Nagdilim ang paligid at nawalan ako ng malay.