The Legend of Lady Sierra.

Chapter 15: Intimate Night.

Kristina is not staying at her house for the night, this time it will be at Jane’s house.

‘A man’s house, one that he is living alone. Staying in a house alone with someone? I’m in a house with Jane… I need to be careful.’ Kristina thinks as she gets into the penthouse, seeing Jane unbuttoning his shirt right in front of her.

“Jane.”

“Right. Sorry about that. I forgot.” Jane stops unbuttoning it, to which Kristina walks closer to him and puts her hands over his shoulder.

“I know, maybe it’s too sudden… But.. I.. I just.. My chest feels heavy..” Kristina leans close to Jane’s chest, to which Jane embraces her much to her surprise.

“You’ve had a long day, is there anything that I can do for you?” Kristina pauses for a moment, wanting to let Jane have his way with her, yet she did not want to ask for it.

“Let me just…” Jane carries her again, this time to the guestroom that is assigned to be her bedroom, he lays her on the bed.

“Make yourself at home, Kristina.” Jane tells her as he gives her a towel and some toiletries.

“Call me, if you need anything. I’ll be outside.” Jane swiftly moves out of the room, sitting down by the sofa in the living room with a bottle of whiskey and a cup of ice that patiently awaits his arrival.

Jane sits by the sofa, looking out of the glass sliding door to the world outside. Seeing a bit of the moon and the stars, yet all he could think about is how messed up tonight feels.

‘It’s my 3rd year of Valentine’s Without Rose… They say time is supposed to make things easier, but why is it that every time I sit by here and continue drinking. It gets worse and worse?’ Jane thinks as he downs the glass of whiskey in a mere second, before smacking it back to the table loudly. The hard bottom of the glass, makes a knocking sound that reminds him of the night when he breaks down. It’s been so long, it’s been a tiring journey.

‘What is there for me? Why did you have to take her away from me? What did I do wrong? What sin did I commit that I am fated to lose my first wife?’ Jane wonders as he continues drinking. Smacking the glass to the table, this time his eyes are getting redder, his facial expression is getting worse, a look of despair and sorrow.

It seems that despair and sorrow seems to be the only expression he has left that is genuine. How could Jane keep going on this way? He will not be allowed to die as easily as most human beings due to his nature as a Pactmaker that requires pain which shuts down the brain and offing the body.

Smiling, faking these expressions of happiness, of joy and of fake expressions. It is all to mask his true feelings of grief and sorrow, one that he himself is slowly learning to come to terms with yet the bitterness of what he has felt, leaves him with nothing more than just grief.

At one point, you just get used to the pain and to all the nonsense grief brings. All the silence of your thoughts, trying to fight off the tears that keep coming when he thinks of Rose. Trying to shake off thoughts of letting Kristina use him for her needs. Just wanting to comfort Kristina but, terrified at the thought of calling Rose’s name should he comfort Kristina.

Right now, Jane can barely think for himself. He’d sometimes wish Rose broke up with him and be alive rather than being dead. The past is already written, so why keep looking at it? Jane just wanted to relive these memories whenever he could. Remembering the softness of Rose’s lips, her cheeks that had always loved to kiss and to just rub his cheeks with. The hugs that he will never be able to get ever again; the lovely, comforting and wordless hugs that Rose would give whenever she could see Jane looking like he is about to break.

Working as a Sierra keeps these thoughts at bay, leaving all this behind for a few hours during work. A Sierra has an obligation to the city, to be its vengeful spirits to execute those who have wronged the city to ensure that no one commits acts of violence which endanger people.

Jane’s mind is in shambles, his very thought process would crash every few seconds with an image of Rose smiling to him, happily embracing him. This is something he gets used to, or so he thinks. It’s not normal, but this is the only way Jane can live without the worry or fear of forgetting Rose. These days, everything went to s**t and now all he has to do is pickup the pieces of what is left of his heart.

Though, one can say that Jane is addicted to the tragedy that is his lover. Not being able to move on for the past years, not being able to accept that she is gone forever. Jane wonders as he pours another glass. Trying to understand what is it that is keeping him from trying for Kristina or talking ot her.

The answer itself, is as clear as day. To not betray the memory of Rose as Jane’s first wife and first love. Would love be pure if it was for another person? Would it still be called love or a rebound if its to get over the first love? Would love even help a person like Jane anymore?

Then a question raises once more.

‘Would falling for Kristina, betray Rose?’ Jane lets the alcohol guide his mind to answer this question. As such a question is not supposed to be a dilemma for people of his age, but then again most people his age did not marry their love of their life who is dying from cancer.

This is just something Jane has to wonder again, the alcohol says it’s okay. For him to fall for Kristina. To remember what being comfortable, what being safe feels like. To be reminded of what it feels like to have someone who will kiss your scars away, to have someone who will hug the pain away.

‘Some days, all a person needs is a hug. A tight hug from someone who will love them unconditionally, who will love them for who they are. Who will make them smile for who they are, who will treasure them for who they are.’ Jane thinks to himself as he drinks down the bottle instead of the glass.

It’s another rough night, it’s another f****d up night. Jane looks around the room, he snaps his fingers and his whole world fades to black. Seeing portraits of Rose’s memoirs in his mind, from their date at the beach, their first picnic, their first Valentine’s Day. Jane drinks the glass down, as he watches the memoir of him and Rose play out. Their wedding day, which is attended by Mary, her two children and a few friends; Monty and Reiner. Jane pours another drink as he watches the act of the Priest who solemnized their marriage, then he holds the drink in hand. Slowly, sipping it as he lets the whiskey burn his throat again.

One can consider it to be abuse to his throat to drink so much whiskey in one night, Jane sighs as he looks at the memoirs with a smile, with a frown, with tears in his eyes. Smiling as he cries, Crying as he smiles. Crying as he silently bawls out the pain and frustration in his heart.

This is just how he relives these memories every night, it is not healthy but for Jane. It keeps him alive and awake at night. It helps for him to reexperience the memories and thought process that had been there, but in the long run. It makes moving from Rose that much harder.

Jane rubs his hand by the ring. Hoping that all of this will be over soon, or that someone will come in and save him from this pain of loneliness.

This intense feeling of being alone, of being trapped in your own mind and heart. It is torture of sorts that would tear any ordinary person apart. It would definitely tear anyone apart, humans are sociable creatures and sometimes. Somethings just are out of the control of mankind, as how fate would play and intervene to change the many things that humans would want it to be.

If Jane had his way, it would still be him and Rose, Kristina would not even be in the picture at all.. There would be nothing of grave importance or nothing that Kristina can do which will affect him. Yet, fate had taken Rose away. Life had taken away his beloved, and now he is left feeling heartbroken as he resents the fates that had been present in his life.

Never regretted being a Sierra. Never regretted Rose.

Only regretted not being able to save her or be a good husband to her in their life. To be a good man, to be a good husband, to be a good father to their kids. That is what Jane would have wanted, instead of living with a life full of doubts, full of missing pieces and full of misery as well as trying to understand something that is not explained.

Fate, if it happens, it happens. If not, it is not meant to be. That philosophy, is what pisses Jane off about fate. Wishing that he could change it all, to be with Rose, to just turn back time.

Yet, life will not let him do so. Even the highest demons could not govern time, they cannot make it go back, but they can only pause it for a brief moment. Jane wished that he could go against fate for once.

Fate, what a cruel decisionmaker yet the best choice. Jane sighs, crying his heart out a bit as he looks at the bottle. Already empty from his session, Jane gets up to the cupboard. Pulling out another bottle and pours it into the glass again.

“Whiskey on the rocks.” Jane thinks out loud, as he downs it quickly and the smacking of it to the wooden table. Jane could feel an unexplainable warmth coming from somewhere else. It is comforting…

Jane looks to his left, seeing Kristina leaning to him. He adjusts his hand to wrap around her shoulders.

“Sorry… If I woke you up.”

“You look hurt.” Jane did not want to deny it this time, Kristina has already seen him weak and broken.

“Just another rough night.” Jane tells Kristina, who immediately makes a move on him. Turning Jane’s body to her, she leans onto him. Jane could feel her bust on his chest, he looks at Kristina who leans closer to his face, kissing his lips. Jane’s face is flushed in red, not just by the alcohol but by Kristina as well.

“Jane. If you need this. Then do it, please.” Jane shakes his head.

“It’s not worth the pain for you. I don’t want to hurt you, Kristina. You’re an amazing girl, you’re beautiful.” Jane pauses as he holds her hair, then his fingers tracing her cheeks.

“I... I don’t want to hurt or lose another beautiful woman. I’m...” Kristina kisses him again with much more feeling, as this time. Kristina could feel intimacy from Jane when he kisses her back. Jane immediately sits up, while Kristina adjusts accordingly.

Kristina wraps her arms around him, then holds his shoulders tightly as she kisses his lips.

“Jane, can we just… Stay this way for a while?” Kristina asks as she lets him go, then adjusting to his chest and then taking his arms to wrap her with it.

“Maybe for tonight. Thank you.” Jane tells her as he tightens his hug.

“I.. I dont know what to do. I just don't know what I can do for you." Kristina whispers to his ears, as she breathes heavily to his neck. Kristina who is on top of him, must think that Jane has dominancs over her, but Jane. At this moment is being submissive, letting himself be at the mercy of Kristina.

"If it helps you feel better, then I will let you do it." Kristina rubs her cheeks on Jane, her hands getting a feel for his body. Kristina's soft touch that caresses him, Jane feeld an unfamiliar feeling of ecstasy as their bodies are in direct contact.

Kristina continues to kiss his lips, the two of them indulging in this act. Kristina locks her hands with his as she lays on him, kissing him more and more.

Jane could feel that Kristina has been restraining so much. It feels like Kristina is throwing herself on him. Then she stops and looks at him

"Jane. Do you mean it?"

"Mean what?" Jane asks as he looks at Kristina, her gaze on him as she slowly moves her hands to caress Jane’s body.

"I mean it. I consider you a beautiful woman. You're amazing.. People know that you're dependable. You’re smart, you’re passionate. What’s not to love?" Kristina's face turns red, blushing uncontrollaby. Kristina really wonders if Jane could say all that so simply, would he mean them?

Words are cheap yet they are comforting. Actions are silent but they show more.

Words are deceiving but Kristina could feel the words that are filled with sincerity, Jane does not say that to her as often.

Kristina is unsure if she should question the sincerity of the words.

Jane looks at Kristina with weak eyes, red from his tears and a dreadful look of sadness engulfing his handsome face.

"Thank you. For being here. Watching me break, but never asking why. Watching me cry, but always comforting me. Even though I don't want it. Even when i reject it. I..." jane pauses unsure of what to say, questioning himself to why he is telling Kristina all this.

Kristina looks into his eyes, then holds his cheeks with her soft hands.

"Jane. I feel safe. I feel comfort whenever i am with you. I know i wont worry. You wont hurt me." Kristina herself is confused. Why did she just say this to Jane?

'Could this be fate? Fate saying this person is going to heal me? Saying this person can give me what I need. The love and affection i need? Fate if it's a girl like her. No correction, if it is a woman like her. Then maybe i will give it a chance.' Jane's heart whispers as it beats quickly.

'Is he going to be my first love? The one who is going to teach me love and lust?will he teach me. What is affection?'kristina thinks as they both are literally right in front of each other. Jane pulls Kristina outside to the rather the veranda, all white furniture with a beautiful glass roof, a sauna and a small pool at the front. There were towels and bath robes by the side of the pool and including a jacuzzi which is seperated by a glass wall.

Kristina slowly puts her legs in, wearing her undeewear as she watches Jane join her into the jacuzzi.

The hot water was perfect on a night like this, letting all of their tiredness and frustration be erased out of their bodies.

Kristina is leaning on Jane's chest as they both relax in the water, calmly enjoying the breeze that the midnight wind brings. Then, they both get out of the water whereby Kristina holds Jane’s hand. Jane glances to his hand, then looks at Kristina’s face who seems to be expecting Jane to say something.

“What is it?” Kristina lets go of his hand, then turning her head to the side as she looks at the floor.

“Kristina. I’ll be in your mercy.” Jane’s declaration reaches her ears, Kristina reaches for his hands then leaning closer to him.

“What do you mean?”

“For tonight, I am in your hands.” Kristina pulls him to the guest room when she hears this.

“I want…” Kristina still is hesitant to say it, Jane smiles to her as he snickers. Thinking that he is seeing a side of Kristina that is different yet this is just too cute. To see her still shy to ask what she wants to do.

“Can we just cuddle?” Jane looks at her with a smile.

“All that hesitation... Just to cuddle?” Kristina nods to him, seeing Jane showing a grin as he holds her hand. Then carrying her to bed, laying her down gently before slipping into bed by her side.

“Come on.” Kristina crawls to his chest, Jane folds his arms to cover her back.

“Comfy?”

“Mm hmm.” It seems like Kristina’s mouth does not want to speak but her tone is showing that she’s happy and is cherishing this moment. Now the pair close their eyes, enjoying each other’s warmth, comfort and ending their night with each other