Why do you hate me.
831 Words
I jerk. Hitting my head on the desk.
“Father”
“Rebecca”
“I..I” I stammer.
He arcs a brow and walks over to his desk. I walk around to the front of his desk and watch him take seat.
“Snooping around are you?”
“I came to hand over the divorce papers to you, we need your signature” I say reaching into my bag to retrieve the document.
He examines me for what feels like two minutes and finally says.
“You know, you seem more enthusiastic about this divorce than your mother. After all this years, you just sweep everything I have done for you both under the carpet” he chuckles
“What was I expecting anyway, human beings always betray you at the end of the day.”
I stare at him, stunned by the coldness in his voice, the way he made it sound like we were the villains. “Betray you?” I scoff, hugging the papers tightly to my chest. “You call emotional neglect and physical abuse ‘everything you’ve done for us’? You really think we owe you gratitude?”
He leans back in his chair, a smile plastered o his face. “You wouldn’t be where you are if it weren’t for me. That degree, that job… it all came from my money.”
My blood boils. “No, I did that. I studied, I worked my ass off. You didn’t even show up for graduation.”
“I didn’t need to,” he replies calmly. “You did well because you wanted to prove me wrong. And you did. Congratulations.”
He pushes the glass of whiskey toward the edge of the table, as though offering it to me. I don’t move.
“Sign the papers,” I say, ignoring the drink, my tone firmer now. “Please.”
I hand over the documents to him, He flips through them lazily, then tosses them back on the table. “I’ll think about it.”
“Think about it?” I almost laugh. “Pleaseeee” I say almost pleading.
He stands and adjust his robe. “You can see yourself out.” He gestures to the door.
I hold back a pool of tears threatening to escape then I turn to leave. I take a few steps then spin around.
“Why do you hate me so much” I say already in tears, lips quivering.
He laughs so coldly and draws his head back.
“Rebecca, hate. It’s such a strong word. Do you think that if I hated you, you would be standing here right now? You should ask what I do to people I hate” he laughs again.
He walks over to the window and gazes out.
“You see Rebecca, with time, you would come to understand the weight men like me carry. The choices we make, the enemies we keep close. Love makes you weak. Family… weakens you. And weakness gets you killed in my world.”
I stare at him stunned. It’s like he’s talking to one of his workers and not his own daughter.
“I gave you strength Rebecca, I made sure you can survive on your own”
I wipe my tears. “I didn’t need strength, I needed a father”
He turns and looks at me. “Too bad, you got me instead”
We stare at each other for what seems like eternity.
Then, without a word, I open the door and leave.
I stand in the hall way for a while. Take in deep breaths and try to recollect myself.
Realization heats me. He would never change. I release a breath I never knew I was holding. With it comes a lightness in my chest. I think I needed that conversation.
I walk to my car and turn on the music. Anything to slow my racing heart. I know he’s watching me. He’s window is directly above the drive way. He would be where I left him. Hands crossed at his back, his face expressionless as always.
I take out my phone and text mum. I have a handed the documents to him.
I reverse slowly, eyes fixed ahead, never once glancing up. I won’t give him that satisfaction. Not tonight.
I don’t head to my house. I drive to my mums place. As soon as I pull up she’s standing on the patio. Her arms crossed leaning against the wall.
I get down from the car, her arms outstretched.
I walk into her warm embrace. And I finally release the tears, I am sobbing and crying like a baby.
“It’s okay” she’s patting my shoulders.
We stand in that position for a long time. Because in her embrace I am not a lawyer, not a daughter of a cold, calculating man. I am just a girl in her mother’s arms, where the world doesn’t feel so heavy.
- Writer
