The unspoken feelings

keeping hope alive

Not only did that drive her further away from him,but she also lost her friendship and the little hope she had left.She swore never to let herself feel that way about anyone ever again,she began dating not because she loved the people she was dating but because she had hoped it would help her move on,nothing matters to her,she didn't wasn't available mentally, physically or even emotionally which only made her past relationships never to last,she jumped from one man to the next but no matter how may people she dated none of them could feel the void in her heart,no matter how many years she went without seeing or talking to him her heart never forgot his smile,his eyes and his voice,she wanted nothing more than to be his.She decided to give a try one more time,she bought him gifts and went to his house,she found him with company,the fact that they haven't seen nor spoken to each other in so long made it a awkward but she knew she had to do it anyway,she extended her hand to give him the gift paper that she was holding,he then asked her "what is this" to which she replied I bought you a gift with a trembling voice and shaking hands,he looked at the gift and smiled and said "I appreciate the beautiful gesture,but I cannot accept your gift given our history"whe begged him to take it but he wasn't moved,a minute later he turned to her and said "if that's all, I'd like to leave I've got people waiting for me inside"she kept quite hoping he won't go without her gift,he left and she was once again shattered questions running through her mind,she froze for a good minute and then carefully placed the gift by the gate and leave.whe she got home she called her church mate who knew the guy and started crying until she fell asleep,the following morning all she could do was feel ashamed recalling everything that has happened,she kept asking herself if there was something wrong with her that makes the guy not that interested.She reached out to Ralph's best friend in an attempt to know if she should continue showing the guy she likes him or if it wasn't going to yield her any positive results,the friend was so rude to her when he told her "my friend never liked you and he never will,you should stop harrassing him"those words stayed with her for most of her years after,she sank into a very dark place,all alone and even attempted to take her own life because the pain she was in had gotten too much for her.wha she couldn't understand more was why her heart longs for him everyday after everything that happened,she confided in her mother about her feelings and she advised her to pray about it,she spent many nights praying for hours just so she could forget him but the harder she prayed,the more her feelings grew,he was the first thing she thought about when she wakes up and the last thing she thought about when she went to bed all the days of her life.it was torture she continued praying and asking God for guidance,she dreamt about him and when she sees him it was almost like the first time.she decided to speak to a professional counsellor who made her realise maybe she was still hung up to him because of what could have been,she took time off to really just try and understand where those feelings were coming from and what she really wanted to get from the whole situation,she even tried to convince herself that she was just obsessed with he guy "it might just be limerence" she thought to herself but no matter how hard she tried nothing could change the way she felt about him.8 years later nothing had changed except the fact that they had now grown,he had graduated from university and was now working while she wasted most of her years in her obsession,she was now trying to get her life back,the meet again under calm circumstances compared to when they were younger,they can conversate well now,the one thing that never changed was how they kept staring at each other when they saw each other,she was determined to make things right between them,no drama just two people coexisting or so she thought.once again Ralph continued to show signs that he might actually like her this time,she had been burnt before she didn't dare think about it,but she wanted to sit down with him and just have a heart to heart conversation about her past actions and mistakes and just find a way to move forward because despite everything that happened she still considered him someone worth having in her life.She then took what she believed would be the last straw, break or make moment for the future.One day she went to church after a whole year of being absent,the first thing she saw when she got there was his blue car,she began searching for him with her eyes until she located him.excited she began thinking of everything she wanted to say to him,after the service she finally gathered the courage to approach him,"hi it's been a while do you have a minute?" she asked with a low and not confident voice,he replied "hi it has been a while,hope you've been doing okay,yes I have a minute" she stared at the ground not sure what to say next,after thinking for a split second she then proceeded to say "ive been doing okay can't complain,I just wanted to clear the air given the complicated history you and I have,over the years I've learnt to live with the actions done by the younger me,I acceptee them by I am not the same person"he smiled and said "I forgot all about those things , don't worry about them too it's in the past" she nervously smiled and said "I'm glad you see it that way,I just don't want things to be awkward between us anymore, you're a good person and I'd love to be your friend, sincerely this time,no drama,no rehearsed statements, I'd love to get to know you and I'd love for you to get to know the real me" he looked at her for a minute and said "wow you've really grown, I'd love to get to know you,I appreciate you reaching out to me" she was now getting comfortable around him she the said "allow me to reintroduce myself"extending her hand "my name is Annah I'm so pleased to meet you" she smiled and he extended his hand and said "my name is Ralph,I too am pleased to meet you" we should get coffee when you're not busy sometimes said hopeful Annah he smiled and said "I will definitely hit you up when I'm not at work and we'll see what to do,I have to get going now but it was really nice speaking to you again after all these years" she smiled and waved him goodbye.things where starting to get better between the two,they would go out for hours,call each other every second of the day,and they both loved it.three months later they were tighter than a pair of skinny jeans,while she was at school he called her like usual but it wasn't what she expected when she answered the call he went silent for a good minute before saying "I appreciate every minute I've gotten to spend with you,you are so amazing but I can't be your friend anymore" before she could even reply he hangs up,confused she tried to call him but he didn't pick up nor reply to any of the 100 messages she sent him.She reached out to his brother but he swore he didn't know anything,and he didn't even let her finish what she wanted to say.it was clear Ralph was in a new relationship or so Annah thought,he ignored her for a week and once she was warming up to the idea of possibly never speaking to him again,his brother called"Ralph is having a graduation party next weekend,I want you to be .y plus 1"she hesitated for a minute before saying "yes I'll be there" she knew the party would be a great excuse to see why Ralph suddenly changed on her,the day of the party arrived, Ralph's brother went to pick Annah up from her home,when they reached the party venue she could her ex best friend and a couple of people who lived gossiping about her at church present in the party,she knew the night was gonna be a long one,soon Ralph had to make a speech,as soon as he got the mic he said "than you to everyone who made it to my special day,even the one's I wasn't expecting to see here came"she knew at that moment she wasn't wanted at that party,she chugged down a glass of wine she had in her hand and was preparing to leave he continued to say "today I wanna give thanks to a very special lady in my life" when everyone turned to where she was standing her heart nearly stopped but then she realised her ex best friend was infront of her so she thought he was talking about her he then made his way in her direction she knew she was about to be humiliated once again he then went on to say" I used to think I wouldn't fall in love with someone like her before I knew her,the minute I got to know her I knew that was my wife" he knelt down infront of Annah holding a ring couninued to say " Annah if I were to spend another minute without you,I would go insane this past week was hell,I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and honouring the amazing waomna you have been in my life,I have never said this to you,but today,now infront of all these peace I wanna let you know I love you( she couldn't hold her years,she was shaking)will you make the happiest man in the entire world and be my wife?" everyone started clapping hands she extended her trembling hand and said"I thought you'd never ask,yes I will marry you evey single day as long as I live"