The Love He Stole

Regret

After the stillbirth of her baby sister, Lily’s parents seemed to have forgotten how to love each other or that they ever had. Every minor annoyance led to screaming matches where her dad would say the nastiest things a child could imagine and her mom would try in vain to defend herself. The young Lily would hide in her bedroom under the covers, humming to herself trying to drown out the noise. It never worked though, but at least she couldn’t understand the hateful words her dad would resort to. She always knew the fight was over when she heard the front door slam, signaling that her dad had stormed out. She grew to hate him long before he slammed that door for the last time.

After every fight, her mom would come to her room and sit on the bed. She would apologize profusely for having to hear it all, holding in her tears. They would snuggle and talk until they both felt better. Her mom would tell her stories about her life, little anecdotes from her own childhood about her own parents fighting or asking out her first crush for the first time. She would teach her about how to find the right man, how to know when something isn’t working out, and how to leave before it got too far. She would say that her father was not a bad person, he’s just not the right person. How when people who aren't right for each other stay together too long, things get messy and mean. But that didn't make him mean. Lily didn’t believe her though, because nice people can’t be mean, she naively thought.

“Learn from my mistakes, baby girl,” she would say, holding her close. “Don’t stay when it doesn’t work.”

These memories swirled through Lily’s mind as she laid in her bed, head under the covers like she was nine years old again. Only now her mom would never come and worse, she had played the role of her dad lashing out with venom laced words. Her emotions piled onto each other, weighing her heart down with grief and anger. I wish I could talk to you, mom. I need you. She grabbed at her necklace and tried to imagine what she would say to her now.

“You can do anything you set your mind to, sweetie... You are the best thing I’ve ever done... I’m so proud of you for fighting for what’s right…” her mother would no doubt say. She’d heard all of it so many times before. Before the cancer took her away and all of Lily’s strength with her. But what would she say about this new situation? How would she react if Lily told her how she screamed at a man she had to marry soon, a man forcing her no less? Would she think she was a bad person? What advice would she give to make things better? She hated that she would never know these answers. The universe had robbed her of decades worth of motherly love, and the weight of all her repressed grief crashed down on her like a tsunami.

It was easy to ignore her pain when she had just started college, along with her job at the bookstore. She literally had no time to feel anything, but now time was all she had. Her heart ached deeply for the first time in years and she was powerless to fight the dark clouds hanging over her.

Out in the darkness, her bedroom door opened allowing a sliver of light to pool into the room. Poppy was carrying a tray of food and rushed in when she saw Lily curled into bed in complete darkness at such an early hour. Poppy set the tray on her nightstand and lit a candle so she could see.

“Lily, is everything alright? My lord told me you did not eat at dinner..”

Lily tried to stifle her tears but couldn’t bring herself to speak.

“Please talk to me, Lily. I’m here for you.”

Poppy wiped away Lily’s tears with a soft handkerchief and smoothed her tear stained hair off her face. She grabbed Lily’s hand.

“You are not alone,” Poppy said, sympathy building in her own eyes. Lily looked up at her and the dark clouds of her mind parted to let a little sunshine peek through. Lily sat up and flung her arms around Poppy’s neck, embracing her friend and crying a little more as the new love she had for her joined the mix of her emotions. She had quickly become irreplaceable to her.

“I screamed at Sam,” Lily whimpered. She pulled away, ashamed of herself. “He said he wouldn’t help end Rose’s engagement and I screamed at him.”

“He won’t help? Wh-what are we going to do now?”

“I don’t know. But I feel like Sam will never forgive me. We were almost on good terms and then… What I said was so mean… I was just angry and…”

Lily burst into tears again. She felt disgusted with herself because she had acted like her father. She resorted to insults even though she knew deep down Sam had real reasons for his choice even if she couldn’t understand them right now. She thought maybe if she hadn’t gotten so upset, she might’ve been able to reason with him more. It was his sister this miscreant would be marrying after all. If he loved her at all, Lily thought she could’ve changed his mind.

“Lily… it’s okay,” Poppy said, wiping her face again. “As strict and stern as my lord is, I’ve never seen him hold a grudge. Not once, and he’s been wronged by many. He is very forgiving, I promise.”

“But, I… I hope you’re right. I still have to marry him on Saturday,” she sighed. It would be awkward if he hates me when we consummate our marriage, or… more awkward. She felt butterflies as she remembered they would have to be physical together soon, but also guilt and fear. She will be the most vulnerable she could possibly be and he could easily make it painful and miserable. She swallowed nervously.

“It will be fine. Now, you really should eat something,” Poppy said, getting the tray of food off the nightstand and holding it out to Lily. She took it from her with a sheepish smile and began to nibble at the food.

“So since we have to do all of this on our own now, maybe we just need to dig up some dirt on Mr. Belgrave. Something that would get him banished from the manor ,” Lily suggested. Poppy twisted her lips in thought.

“That could work. The dowager lady Catharine has no idea what kind of man he is. If we could find a way to prove his misdeeds, she wouldn't want her daughter to marry him,” Poppy agreed.

“We should discreetly ask around for any information anyone might have.”

“Yes, the staff may know something, or witnessed his cruelty. He treats all of us like furniture anyway so he doesn’t put on a noble act around us. With enough accounts, we could have a real case. We should start there,” Poppy said.

“We’ll start tomorrow then,” Lily said, determination building in her mind. I don’t need you, Sam.