The Georgia Series Collection

Chapter 13

The lantern light revealed a root cellar with a ladder. There were rows of shelves lining the wooden walls.

“Oh s**t!” My language skills had narrowed since I arrived at the cabin. Talking out loud was normal practice for me. Hearing my voice reminded me I wasn"t dead—yet. My expletive outburst was twofold. One for discovering the root cellar, the other for the pain in my swollen, tender breasts. The pain shot through them as I leaned down to peer into the dark hole.

I placed the lamp on a higher shelf and descended carefully into a six-foot square room with support beams. The room was about seven feet deep. Wood slats lined the floor. Jars of home-canned fish, vegetables and fruits filled the shelves. There were boxes of potatoes, onions and carrots —all well- preserved in this cold storage.

A huge smile lit up my face. “Jackpot, sweet pea.” I danced a little jig and fist pumped the air, thrilled with my discovery. The necessities to survive were at hand. This well-stocked cabin, closed for the winter, was a mystery, but one for which I was grateful. A sudden thought overwhelmed me. Maybe, the owners are coming back for the winter and I"ll be found. Or a mad trapper, someone like my kidnappers. Fear took hold as my mind short-circuited on all the negatives. With a deep sigh, I sat on the bottom step of the ladder and looked at my stomach. “There I go again, little one, fearing things that may never happen.” Instead, I planned a festive night of feasting on my newfound goodies.

Maybe, the owners are coming back for the winter and I"ll be found. Or a mad trapper, someone like my kidnappers.As the days passed and November with them, more negative thoughts surfaced. The extreme loneliness for one, tugged at my heart, especially after dark. I tried to meditate and build my positive reserve. Other fears tore away at my spirit. My growing body, ripening with pregnancy, reminded me that I would be alone during childbirth. So much could go wrong. The thought of giving birth without a doctor stressed me out. What if it was a breach birth? What about the pain without drugs? And after the birth, what about infection? These were only my fears about myself. Then, there was the baby and the medical needs she might require. That really scared me.

The unknown factors were just as frightening. I worried about the extreme cold of winter— envisioning hungry wolves attacking me when I went for water, or grizzly bears breaking into the cabin for food. My sense of hearing intensified. Every unexplained sound made me jittery. In a state of nervous exhaustion, my mental condition deteriorated to the point that I began to question my sanity.

It was now early December, and the voice in my head from that first day at the cabin came to me in a dream. In the dream, I slept. A voice as soft as the gentlest breeze willed me to waken.

“Wake up, Georgia. It"s time. Time for us to meet,” she whispered.

I opened my eyes. Her face filled my field of vision: an aged face at best, but one marked with such peace that she appeared timeless. She sat in the rocking chair by the cook stove. She wore a long ivory dress of eyelet lace and her feet were bare. Her long grey hair hung in waves past her shoulders, a shade of rich smoky grey with a blue tinge. What held my gaze were her eyes; they were the palest of grey with an iridescent shine that was love itself. In her hands, she held a white crystal, its light projecting like a star burst. A shimmering mauve aura glowed all around her. It was a mesmerizing sight, and one that filled me with peace and comfort. It never crossed my mind to fear her or to doubt the reality of the situation.

“Who"re you?” I asked.

“My name is Kaela.”

I stared at her in silence, digesting the beauty of her delicate features. She rocked slowly back and forth, her face alight with a serene smile.

“How do you know my name?”

Kaela rose from the chair and came to sit on the bed beside me.

“I"ve known you for a short time and I"m here to help you.”

“Help me how?”

“To know yourself and to know your destiny,” Kaela said.

At that, I chuckled. I was thirty years old and knew so little about myself. Destiny was something I"d only read about in fiction books.

“Then you have your job cut out for you. So far, I"ve been a bad life student. I hope you"re a good teacher.”

“You"ll be a student for life. In order to grow, you must change; in order to change, you must learn; and, with knowledge comes choice. Understand I"m not here to teach you, only to guide you.”

“That"s too bad. I thought you might teach me to be wise.” I heaved a deep sigh.

Now it was Kaela"s turn to chuckle. “Wisdom cannot be taught. Wisdom is acquired from experiencing life—good and bad—and connecting with your higher self.”

“Well, what I thought was good turned out to be bad, and I certainly do not feel any wiser for it.” Wow, did I sound bitter?

Wow, did I sound bitter?Kaela rose from the bed and returned to the rocking chair.

“When you start to see from within, through your inner self and not through your eyes, it"ll all make sense,” she countered. “And that"s why I"m here. But enough for tonight—sleep and I"ll return.”

I woke up in the morning to bright sunshine streaming through the cracks of the window shutters and looked at the rocking chair, recalling every word of my dream.

How strange.

How strange.I wasn"t sure what the dream meant, but somehow it made me feel less alone. I hoped to dream of her again.

It looked like a good day to shovel a proper walkway to the stream and around the back to the outbuildings. The snow was about ten inches deep. The sun shone brightly, the sky was clear. As I fell into the rhythm of the shovel, I thought about my dream. A sudden rustle in the brush to my left stopped me in my tracks. “Uh …” My head shot up and I listened. Time to get back into reality.

“Hello,” I yelled, my legs running on their own accord. “I"m going inside now.”

The rustling became more pronounced, and having made my presence known, I took off under the overhang and through the back door of the cabin. With a slam and a bang of the bar falling in place, I hurried to the front window in time to see a doe run out from the right of the cabin. She sprinted across the clearing, stopped, and turned to look at the cabin. I experienced a sudden kinship. I could feel her caution and vulnerability. Only moments before, I had feared her. It suddenly occurred to me that I, always the fearful child, carried my fearfulness into adulthood. With this came the realization that most of what I spent my life fearing was the unknown …

Settled in the rocking chair, a cup of tea in hand, I gave thought to the word fear and stood up to retrieve a dictionary I"d seen in the bookcase. The definition read, "anxious anticipation of danger."

Hmm … what a waste of time and energy to anxiously anticipate something that we know nothing about, or that might never happen.

Hmm … what a waste of time and energy to anxiously anticipate something that we know nothing about, or that might never happen.I grabbed pen and paper and proceeded to write down everything I feared in life. My list wasn"t that long. As a child I was afraid of strangers, thunder and lightning, garden snakes and bugs. Was that so unusual? As an adult, I was scared of being alone. “Huh.” A sardonic laugh turned to a snort. Under my present circumstances, what choice did I have? I felt anxious making decisions by myself and was fearful of violence. Was this learned behavior or genetically based? With nothing but time on my hands, I had no shortage of opportunity to figure it out.

Was that so unusual?Under my present circumstances, what choice did I have?Was this learned behavior or genetically based?That night I slipped into an easy, peaceful sleep. I awoke a short time later and rose to build the fire. Turning from the stove, I was startled to find Kaela sitting in the rocker.

“Oh.” I jumped. “You startled me.”

“I"m sorry. Please know you have nothing to fear from me.”

“Somehow, I know that,” I said. “But I don"t understand. Last night you were in a dream but tonight I"m awake.”

“We manifest in many ways. This evening you see me as a vision.”

I huddled under the warm covers, propped up against the headboard, my hands on my belly. Again, I felt a calmness and ease in her company.

“You told me I had to go within and see with "Self". By "Self" do you mean "soul?" ”

“Soul, higher self, or spirit.”

I gave her a pensive stare. “How do I know if I"m seeing with "self"? I don"t think I know the difference.” “Seeing only through your eyes comes from a place of emotion, usually negative emotion. When you see from "within", through the eyes of your soul, you"re like an observer, detached and unemotional. You see things as they truly are, not as you think they are, or sometimes wish they were. You do know the difference.”

I let out a big sigh. “I"m not so sure about that.”

“This morning you experienced fear. Outside where you felt unsafe, you contemplated the worst. You felt protected when you came inside and realized you need not be afraid. Going within can provide you with a similar security, allowing you to truly see. The realizations you achieved today came from within. You began the journey.” The soft silkiness of her voice comforted me. The simplicity of her words made sense, and instead of sounding like a lecture, they came across as common sense.

At that moment, the howling of wolves startled me. I cringed and stared hard at the window.

“Tell me why you fear Mother Nature so.”

“Well … I"m not used to nature, especially this raw. I"m frightened by strange noises.” Oh come on, you"re frightened of everything.

Oh come on, you"re frightened of everything.“So it"s the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar you"re experiencing then?”

I smiled and nodded. Here it was again, slapping me in the face.

“You know, child, you and nature have a lot in common.” She pointed to my stomach. “You both bear life; you both fiercely protect that life. You both nurture and heal. At this point, I must tell you, you are a healer. Should you choose to follow the path of the healer, you could help humanity. One day, when you are ready, you will remember this conversation. But your path at this time is to heal yourself, so I will not confuse your thoughts.”

She paused and paced the room before continuing. “You"re a kindred spirit with Mother Nature; she"s your sister. Don"t fear her. Respect her power and when you find your own power, you"ll bond.”

I wondered how she knew about my happenings earlier that day. Perhaps she was a figment of my imagination? Maybe, I had gone mad. “Last night I asked, "Who are you?" but I think I meant "What are you?" ”

A serene smile formed on her lips as she answered my question: “I"m a native spirit, an elder of the Tahltan Band. My mother was from the Crow family and my father from the Wolf family. Native spirits come to help family when needed. I"m with you always, helping when I can.”

“But I"m not from your family.”

“You"re on Tahltan lands, living in an elder"s cabin. I believe your needs warrant my presence.”

I stared at her in silence, her words hard to digest. “Am I mad—insane?”

“Heavens no! Madness is born from fear and you do have your fair share of them. But do you feel afraid when in my presence?” she asked.

“No, the complete opposite.”

“Then I "m not madness and you"re not insane,” she said.

“Your eyes—they"re grey.”

Kaela"s laughter rang out with a gentle vibration that echoed around the cabin, a sound I likened to the delicate tinkling of expensive wine glasses.

“It was tradition for the son to be raised by his uncle and if he died, the nephew would marry his uncle"s wife and take care of his family. The uncle died while hunting one day but the nephew was still a boy. The uncle"s wife, my mother, lay with a white trader. I was born. One day the trader left never to return. When the nephew grew up, he married my mother and became my father.”

Kaela"s eyes glazed as if she were remembering past memories. She shook her head and focused on me.

“We"re of a higher vibration level than humans, which is why you normally cannot see us. Your science has proven some animals and insects have highly developed eyes and see things humans cannot.”

I shifted my position, stretching my legs. “Then how is it possible for me to see you?”

“When it"s necessary, we slow down our vibration and appear before you.”

Kaela disappeared into the lavender mist around her. The mist dissipated and I was alone once again, left with lots to ponder.

It was now the third night since I"d first seen Kaela, and I opened my eyes to see her sitting on my bed. I knew what my first question would be. “Tell me, why do you only come to me in the dark?”

“Because that"s when you need me most.”

“But how do I know I"m not dreaming? Perhaps if I saw you in the daytime, I wouldn"t doubt your existence.”

“I"ve come to you many times in the daytime. You never saw me. I gave you energy to run from Gary. The day you found this cabin and slipped into darkness on the front porch—I spoke to you.”

I twisted my hair around the fingers of my right hand, and tried to remember. “The voice. You told me to come to the back of the cabin.” I sat up straighter and pulled my left arm out from under the covers, grabbed a hold of my skin with my thumb and the forefinger of my right hand, and pinched as hard as I could.

“What are you doing?” Kaela asked.

“I"m pinching myself,” I said, clenching my teeth. “If I have a mark there in the morning, I"ll know I"m awake and I"ll be a true believer.”

Kaela"s laughter rang out. “You silly girl, I"ll leave you a sign if that"s what you need.”

Something bothered me here and I found myself frowning at Kaela. “How come I don"t

fear you? Me— who has always been afraid. Do spirits have some kind of control over us?”

“No. We cannot control your will or your ability to make choices. All of our messages are filled with positive energy and words of love. A spirit encounter leaves you feeling calm, and you most likely experience a change for the better. You turn inwards and learn acceptance and love of self, until such time as you can turn outwards and love the world.”

“What about people who don"t learn and change, or ones who do bad things. Where are their spirits?”

“If they"re not ready to receive our message, there"s nothing we can do for them. Such people have spirits who try to reach them. But we"re not always successful,” she said somberly. Smiling, she continued. “But you are ready. Know that you and your baby are protected. If you choose to believe that is so, you"ll be safe here.”

The next morning, I addressed the fire and donned my clothes. I was zipping up my jacket to retrieve water from the creek when my eyes fell on the rocking chair. A white object rested in the hollow of the seat, reflecting the light. I walked over and picked it up. It was Kaela"s crystal, the one she held in her hands during her first visit. This was her sign to me. I suddenly remembered last night"s vision. Stripping off my jacket, I pulled up my sweatshirt sleeve. There in all its glory, sat a purplish bruise the size of a quarter on the inside of my arm, stark against my white skin. It was the mark left from pinching myself the previous night.

“She is real. Kaela"s real.”

I sat in the chair, rocking back and forth slowly, the crystal cupped in my hands. It was undoubtedly the best gift I ever received. At that moment, I believed.