Inside The Manor

Chapter Six

I could still feel shivers even after he had left. In the shower I was rubbing my skin as if though I was trying to wash away the memories. Once my brain registered that wasn't working, it apparently passed the task to my eyes. I cried and cried in the bathtub. My skin started burning and my eyes were bloodshot red. I wanted to pull my hair, scream, break the glass doors surrounding me. Anything to get rid of this emotional pain.

But, I wouldn't. Crying was the furthest I was willing to go. After all that's how it started the first time.

Hours later, I got out of the water, wrapped my body in a towel and jumped face-down on my bed. It was cold and I was hungry, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I didn't feel paralyzed, I just lacked the willpower to do anything. If breathing hadn't been a mechanical system, I think I would have stopped breathing too.

But what killed me the most was that I couldn't close my eyes, because every time I did, I would see flashbacks.

It was beautiful. So damn beautiful. At last, it would stop and I wouldn't have to keep going any further because that was it. I smiled through my tears. I was even dressed for the event. One step and I could finally have what I had been wanting for so long. Just...One...Little...Step.

Something flashed behind me. No, someone...

A forceful grab...

Someone screamed...

The knife was red...

Blood... So much blood.

Another scream... Then a demand.

Then... Then... Cam...

No, no, no! NO! Not Cam...

Cam... I'm so sorry...

Somehow during a long blink, the exhaustion had caught up to me and I had fallen asleep. The events of that night kept replaying in my head.

Why? Why did Trey have to do this to me? I had been doing just fine. I had tried to numb those feelings and make the memories go away. Why did he have to bring it up again? After knowing how much I have had to suffer because of it?

I raise my head slowly and noticed that the pillow was wet from my tears. My wet hair was now mostly dried up, but I could still tell it would need a couple more hours to get completely dried, meaning I hadn't slept that long.

As if the fact that it was pitch black outside wasn't enough. But, then again, my mind wasn't on the best of conditions.

The room was freezing and I, being the stupid b***h that I am had decided to just go to bed in a towel.

I turned over and looked at the ceiling. It hadn't changed at all, since I had had my dream.

If I were a reasonable person I would be contemplating either the dream or my memories.

But, screw being reasonable, you know? It was time to go on a run anyway...

Running in nature can be fun, but considering that it was still dark outside, I was just gonna run around my backyard. It was big enough for me and the grass is green, so it's technically nature.

I kept running. Just running and running. But, not going anywhere.

Running from my problems, but not being able to erase my memories. Running away from what I thought I saw that night, but knowing I was just swimming in a sea of lies. Denial and cowardice were my only stable variables in life right now. Those and Cam. Maybe.

Ugh! If only that bastard hadn't brought up the damn accident.

I looked around me. I had been running for forever and my lungs were starting to give out, but even with my heavy breathing I still managed to make out a voice.

"Something on your mind?"

It was just a whisper, but I could feel shivers all over my body. It felt like whoever had said those words, had spoken them right next to my ear. I looked around again, but couldn't make out anything except for some tree shadows, cause by the moonlight.

"Who's there?" I yelled.

The feeling of uneasiness rushed over me. I was being watched, that much I could tell, but I still couldn't tell where this creep was hiding. I was outside, on my private property and as far as I knew I didn't have any neighbors. Not to mention I was unarmed and exhausted. If it came down to a fight, my attacker would also have the upper hand because if the darkness around us and the element of surprise.

I started jogging towards my door. I would get to the kitchen where I had left my phone and if he tried something else I would call the police. But, before I could make it to the porch, he spoke again.

"Giving up on me so soon?"

I didn't stop until I reached the door and closed it after me. Quickly rushing to the kitchen counter I got hold of my phone when a noise came from upstairs.

I turned my head towards the stairs and then tried to look at the door again, but my view was suddenly blocked by a silhouette.

A silhouette that was standing on my side of the door. Like inside the house. f**k.

"Who are you?" I asked as I blindly tried typing my password to call the police station's number on my phone.

The silhouette walked closer. With each step he took towards me I took one back. There was a shadow over his face, but I could swear I felt him smirking at my behavior.

My back hit one of the walls and my breathing turned erratic. I closed my eyes, anticipating his move while my fingers still tumbled to unlock my phone.

I didn't know what to expect, maybe an act of violence, a curse or some sort of sick tease, but not what he did.

His hand touched my face. Not really touching it, as I couldn't feel the pressure of his touch on my face, but I could feel him ghosting his hand over my face, my cheekbone, my jaw and my nose, like he was trying to learn all the details of my face. And then after a moment, his hands cupped my whole face and he inched his head closer to mine.

I opened my eyes only to find him staring at me. Icy blue eyes, looking into mine, as if searching for something in them. Some sort of recognition, or maybe even something more, I wasn't sure but I could feel a wave a disappointment on his part and for some twisted reason that make me feel ashamed of myself.

As my eyes opened his regained a sparkle of confidence, because he moved his head even closer. Because of my rushed actions the moonlight was the only source of light helping me make out his features. I could vaguely see him, but a sense of familiarity overcame my senses. Before I could even question that he his hands moved a little bit higher, to the point where the tips of his fingers ran past me ears.

"You look beautiful my love" he whispered. The voice that had given me the creeps outside, was now comforting me and even helping to construct a weird feeling inside of me. I could feel butterflies fluttering their wings inside my stomach, and I'm sure a blush was painting my cheeks with a deep pink color.

I was about to respond when suddenly everything changed.

Like an instant shift of scenery, his demeanor turned cold. The grip he had on my head turned hurtful as he forced my body to approach his. My heart that had never stopped pounding against my ribcage, now was beating for a whole new reason. Fear. It was like my senses of awareness, which had been drowned by his surprising behavior, were now back in full swing.

But, he surprised me again. Instead of hurting me some more, I felt his cold lips touching my forehead. Like a delicate feather-like kiss. Even though his lips were cold, I could feel a sparkling sensation on where his lips had touched my skin. As silly as it sounds, I had a weird intuition that I would fell the prints of his lips on my forehead for a long time.

Knocking the breath out of me he then proceeded to pull me even closer until there was no space between our bodies. A second later, his arms caged me to him and I could feel his breath tickling my sensitive neck.

His attitude changed again, but this time it was something new. His shoulders sunk down and he hugged me tighter. I thought I could feel him shaking, as if trying to contain his sobs. I was still unsure of the situation until a felt a teardrop on my shoulder.

This moment, this sensation of being helpless and asking for comfort wasn't new to me. It reminded me of Cam whenever she would break down because of Trey. And then it clicked.

Heartbreak. The only reason he was acting this way, his hot and cold demeanor. He was suffering from heartbreak. And then something else came to my mind. The compliments and the way he was treating me as if he knew me, could mean only one thing.

He was mistaking me for his lover.

Of course, the one time I was truly feeling something like this with a guy, was because he was mistaking me for someone else. Before I could interrupt this, whatever it was his melodic voice beat me to it.

"Why, love? Why would you leave? Was it me? Was it something I did? " he whispered as he sobbed. He pushed himself from me, not completely detaching us, just putting some space in between our bodies and looked at me in the eyes, most likely searching for answers.

Answers I didn't have.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I was lost in the moment, lost in what could have been between him and her, what could have been between us. I wanted to reach out, wanted to react, but I was afraid of scaring him away. Why was I abruptly so...Jealous? Jealous that someone else had had him first, jealous that the way he was looking at me right now, as if I was his whole world and he would die for me, was reserved for someone else.

"Why did you leave me?" He whispered again and started playing with the ends of my hair.

"I... I don..." I started to speak, but what could I say.

"Shhh, my angel, it's alright. I'm here. And this time I'm not letting you leave my grasp" he said as he got closer to me once again. His lips just one breath far from mine. I raised myself on my tiptoes and angled my head.

"I love you" he whispered as he filled the gap, but before our lips could actually touch I backed away.

No. No. NO.

Love was... No, just no.

He looked at me like a lost puppy, probably wonder why I pulled such a 180 on him, but that four-letter word was enough to break me out of this spell that had me almost saying it back.

Without taking him out of my sight, I opened my phone's screen and directed the flashing light towards his face.

But, as soon as the light came into vision with his skin that part disappeared. Tremors took over me and I removed the light almost immediately, but it was too late. He was gone.

I could hear my heart pounding, my vision getting sharper for a total of two seconds before becoming totally blurry, my hearing lost control and my eyes closed of their own accord.

And yet, amidst all this panic, I felt good. I felt free and peaceful, energetic yet calm. It felt... I felt alive. 

Just before darkness took me over, and I lost all control of my senses... I felt more alive than I ever had.