PURPLE DESTİNY

THE LEADERSHİP OF FEAR

I had to defend myself but I couldn't because of fear. My feet pulled the floor to themselves and I was helpless.

-Go Go

I started saying Ali when I was so helpless.

-Look, I'm not going to pay my debts again, he said. Don't overdo it either. While I was still trying to protect myself from him, he kept coming towards me. After a few minutes, I heard the

voice of a second person, who put my arm at the level of my eyes in fear, I slowly pulled my arm and tried to understand what was going on. After I opened my eyes, I realized that the second person was the man on the roof, because again, it was just black. His face could not be seen from the black hat he was wearing. He grabbed Ali by the arm tightly and was pulling him out.

- Let me go. Who are you?

He was sneering at the boy. He must have taken Ali out because he came a few minutes later. As he stepped inside, I took my arm to my eyes again. I left something on my table and then closed my door and went out. I stood in that cowardly state. Even though it was my own house, I didn't feel safe.

Unknowingly, I straightened up, went to the edge of the window and drew my white curtain, which had turned black from pollution. The boy on the roof and Ali didn't seem like they were fighting.

Only Ali was angry and the boy on the roof was talking to each other with his calm demeanor, which was evident in his movements.

I didn't know what they were saying because I didn't open the window.

After a while, Ali went and the boy on the roof entered the apartment with some quick steps. I looked through the hole in the door and when he came to my door, I saw that he was straightening up to look through the hole. I quickly pulled myself back. He must have heard the sounds I was making. He must have heard the sounds I made because he went upstairs without looking through the hole, so he was my upstairs neighbor, whom I hadn't seen for all these years, so I was sitting down when I heard the door close. My clothes were still wet, the drops falling from my hair were merging with my leather sofa and making a sound.

I started to question my life again. I started to question my life again. All the love that has been shown to me until now has been a lie. Ali might not have loved me, but I didn't want to feel this way. Carrying what you don't have in your heart, that's the definition of this sentence. I was so tired that I lay down and slept.

I'm sure I slept for two or three hours. I woke up with a knock on the door. Did Ali come again? I was so scared I walked towards the door with timid steps. I looked through the hole. It was the boy on the roof. I called before I opened the door.

-Yes, what is it?

Despite my harsh exit, he came to my table with a calm voice.

I left something. Have you thought about it?

He had a very soothing tone. He asked in response I

I said sorry, but I never looked at the thing on the table,

- Please see it will help you. I would like to hear your decision when I come.

he said out.

During this time, he never wanted me to open the door. After he left, I took the paper on the table. There was a business address on it. I crumpled the paper and threw it away. My clothes were still wet and I was getting cold. While I was returning to my room to change my clothes, I hit the door. I felt a greater pain than usual when I lifted my shirt. There was more than one low mood. While I was trying to understand how these low moods came about, all of a sudden I had a pain that I couldn't cope with. I walked into my room with memories I couldn't handle.

On my right was my bed with a single sky blue cover attached to the wall, my brown make-up table at the foot of my bed, I had my make-up materials and a rabbit-eared comb on my left side, I had a white closet with two drawers. Despite my life, it was a very colorful room.

I took out. After. a gray pajamas and a short sleeved white t-shirt.. From my closet and when I closed the door of my closet, I saw myself in the mirror. I had changed so much in one day that my green eyes had turned black. It was as if my full red lips had faded. I pulled myself out of the mirror and started to take... off my clothes. I started to take off my pajamas. There was a panic. I took off my shirt. There was a moodiness from my stomach to the end of my feet. I was trying to take my hands to my wounds while trying to understand how it happened. I started to shout at that. I imagine my eyes were sweaty. I forgot to cry. After all. I was out of breath. My hands still did not reach my wounds. This is why my feet were so weak and frail. I couldn't bear it much. I closed my eyes tightly and I started to put on my clothes. I put on a short sleeved t-shirt. I took off and took out a long sleeved black t-shirt, even though it was summer, not ready to see my body dim .

When I wore my clothes completely, I opened my eyes slowly, I took my comb with bunny ears on my table to comb my hair, when I saw my comb like that, I started to grin. I combed my hair thoroughly and tied it so that it did not touch my body. I started to leave my room with slow steps. I grabbed my hand and started dragging my soul that was dragging on the floor.

I felt like a void, the sky was blue, the birds were singing, the trees were blooming, but I was alone, but everything turned out to be a lie; the days that he listened to me, cared for me, shared my happiness and sadness. When he said he loved me, it was a lie, my tears were not flowing. After all, the river given to me dried up. I collapsed into nothing. I didn't want to do it, I just wanted to sleep and never wake up again. At first I knew that this would never happen, but I wanted to keep my brain busy. I couldn't turn on the TV because they were telling the story of a woman who was exposed to romantic comedy or violence on at least one channel. I couldn't bear it. Actually, I couldn't even carry my own mind. Actually, I thought of Ali again. It was very illogical. I didn't think about Ali every minute. I didn't know anything about what I went through. Why did I feel like I was cut off from the world every time I remember him? I was startled by the sound of the door. Who was it again? I was walking with stronger steps this time, but I was reluctant when I came to the door.

-Come in

I said again in that comforting voice.

-Did you look at the paper I gave you?

he asked .

I said "I don't understand how your work address will benefit me."

Upon this

You looked helpless that day.

He said, if you learn to defend yourself you will be more confident,

said .

Thereupon, a pain was stuck in my head like before, words that I couldn't control were coming out of my mind.

‐ After everything happened or after my life became garbage?

I was screaming. What have I experienced?

While I was still repeating these words, the man at the door began to call out to me, ma'am:

-What's wrong, are you okay?

she called out. I still put my hand on the doorknob and opened the door, as if I wanted her to come in and help me.

-After it's all over?

I was screaming, the boy on the roof came in, I fell to the ground out of desperation, the boy on the roof grabbed my arms and hugged me. I put myself in his arms like a newborn baby. My breathing had improved. I must have been tired because my eyelids slowly turned black ...