PURPLE DESTİNY

THE BEAUTIFUL FACE

Again, I woke up with the indispensable nightmare of all my days, dressed in my clothes, and started walking towards him as if it were an ordinary person and an ordinary day.

The road was as long and tiring as possible, my body had no strength left to handle me, my thoughts, or even though I didn't know how to treat me yet.

It started where you said your life was over, gave me feelings that I would never taste, and then crushed me under your feet for the second time.

The thoughts that I can't stop in my mind, the song "sometimes people fall in love with the wrong people" in the song, and me and it all made me come this far.

I've met people I may never have met. There was no problem except that they were all lies, there was no problem except that their feelings were lies, there was nothing but that everything I went through was just a dream I had in my mind.

I am trying to enter this restaurant a few months ago just to earn money, now with great hope.

I paused the song and put my phone in my bag, then grabbed the door handle and took a deep breath. As he slowly dragged the doorknob down, the door suddenly opened.It had been two months since our last conversation, but I missed him so much that I missed looking into his eyes for a long time, wondering what was going through his mind right now, most of all hugging him and crying. My throat suddenly went dry and my emotions started to show themselves at the highest level.

Where are you going? Did I wait too long? I started the conversation.

Using the facial expression I saw for the first time since that day, "I'm so tired of this situation, it's not been two months, sorry,"

When he used those words, his scar grew serious, his expression hardened, his voice raising with every letter he uttered.

But all I wanted to do was hug her and cry, tell her I loved her,

I kept looking at him, wanting to look deep into his eyes, but he was avoiding my gaze.

He dared not say anything and walked out the door, and I still looked at where his eyes were.

When the shadow of his eyes disappeared, that is, when I realized that he was gone, I went out by rubbing the toe of my heels on the ground.He found this move very impressive and I finished everything by doing this move for the last time because he wouldn't want to see me again, but I needed him.

I needed every speck of him to breathe in his scent, to lie down next to him and sleep, to feel safe next to him...

6 MONTHS AGO

Again, I woke up from my fairy tale dreams, which were indispensable for all my days, and I was on the floor again, half of my mouth stuck to the floor.After ripping my mouth off the floor, I went to the bathroom with my sleepy eyes. After washing my hands and face, I went to my room and put on my black jeans and white blouse, which are the only clothes in my closet, and then I put my hair in a ponytail and left the house.

We came to the end again, I didn't want to go, he grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around, then he started pushing me by the shoulders, he left after waving for the last time.

It had become our morning tradition, we didn't talk to each other much, but we understood each other very well.

This morning tradition was a reason for me to stay up all day, in the middle of the day always the message "Shall we meet in the evening?" was answered yes and the meeting was in the evening.

Today, the same ritual was repeated, before I left the cafe, I put on my lipstick to look nice, it was waiting for me right in front of the door.

I quickened my steps and took his arm

He started the conversation by asking, "How was your day?"

"As always tiring, boring and humiliating, "

I said a hundred times, get out of this job"

The taste was gone, to soften the atmosphere:

"Okay, if you buy me jelly beans, I'm out of business"

He smirked and placed a small kiss on my cheek.

After squinting at him with a beer and looking at him cutely, I rested my head on my shoulder and continued walking.

"Where will we go today after we've gone a little bit?" I asked

He answered my question with a question by asking, "Today, let's take a tour of the side streets, what would you do?"

I nodded my head and put my shoulder back on his, as usual, you wouldn't talk at all, we were just going to walk.

We walked for about half an hour, I was very tired but I didn't want to show it, I just wanted to feel lucky to have a lover like Ali and throw myself into the embrace of life.

We kept walking, and eventually we entered an alley where no one seemed to want to see us, but where there was a black car.

It was late, my legs were hurting, I was too tired to run if someone attacked us. Even though I felt it would be a dangerous situation, I trusted Ali's presence and kept walking.

When we got to the half of the street, he stopped me and said "see you" and got out of my arm.

Before I could say what's going on, two people took my arm, I was looking back at Ali.

I can't find a way out, I struggled as I struggled, I kept asking Ali for help, none of them worked.

I had no idea what was going on? I had no idea why things like this happened to my five? I had no idea why Ali did such a thing.

Every moment of my life passed before my eyes, at this moment I realized that in fact Ali had never loved me, and I had never loved him.

We had never respected each other, we had never valued each other, we had not been important to each other.

The two men who took my arm continued to drag me, the toe of my shoe began to drag on the floor.

I was just looking where Ali went, he threw me into a void, he destroyed me, I was upside down,

My body was heavy, I wanted to sleep in my dead mother's lap, I wanted my dead father to take his hands from my hair.

My head was in such a great pain that I could not bear it, my mind could not control my body, all my good memories were being erased one by one, instead my pain was doubling.

After a while, we placed me in the car that I had probably just seen and started to move forward at the highest possible speed.

Maybe the car wasn't fast, but what I was going through was fast, my life was fast falling apart, my self-exit was fast.

Along the way, I never spoke to Ali like I did, maybe he was preparing me for today, he taught me little by little not to talk, not to question, not to cry, not to shout, not to ask people for help.

And his student was successful, I did not speak, I did not question, I did not cry, I did not shout, I did not ask people for help.

I just weighed the limits of my imagination, silently thinking about what they were going to do to me the whole way.

They never spoke, I guess they thought it was too much to explain to me,

"I wonder how many people are in trouble right now?" "I wonder how many people are crying right now?" "I wonder how many people are experiencing the turning point of their lives right now?" I thought

Because I was living these three at the same time, and there was no reason for it.

My body jerked back and forth as the car stopped, so weak that it meant he had given up hope.

I had no idea why I was thinking so negatively right now, why I acted like my world was turned upside down when nothing had happened to me, but I feel like something will happen.

Because of the bandage on my eye, I couldn't see anything, but I could hear everything.

The man in the driver's seat opened his door, got out, closed the door lightly, took two steps towards my door, opened my door, grabbed my wrist and made my legs fall on the ground sooner.

I stood up immediately with the pain of falling to the ground, my elbow was bleeding, I didn't feel the pain until I felt the presence of something running down my arm.

The man grabbed my arm and started dragging me. I was continuing to do the tactics that Ali taught me TALKING, QUESTIONING, SEEKING HELP.

The door opening, the door closing, climbing the stairs, opening the door again, and getting to my place.

I don't feel anyone's presence in the room, but I don't want to open my eyes, I'm afraid that it never happened and it won't happen again.

After a while, I started to hear the footsteps approaching me, I got up quickly and started looking to my right and left as if I would see.

As the door opened, I turned my face to where the sound came from.

"Calm down, little girl, you're precious to us," a voice said, causing me to tremble throughout, my fear taking the lead among my emotions.

He got very close to me, placed his head on my neck and started breathing rapidly.

I was scared, I quickly backed up and stumbled upon something soft on my back.

I knew where I fell, so I got up quickly, even though he grabbed my wrist, I didn't let him fall again.

He started to laugh, saying, "You're a naughty girl."

What he said and did was enough to make me nauseous, I held my stomach for reflex, he must have seen my movement:

"Hang on, wait, we're just getting started," he said contemptuously.

I started walking backwards when I heard him walking towards me. As he came, I went, not wanting him to come near me and ruin my life.

I went as far as I could go, where my body meets the wall, I stood on my feet with a hard blow to my knee.

Clenching my chin with his thick hands, which I felt from his touches, he said, "Come by coincidence, our permanent customer Ali Bey is your lover, I can't lie, his last trump card surprised even me.

When I said it's over, he has nothing to show, that bastard put you out there, but you're a pretty girl, you have a lot of suitors."

Everything kept overlapping, while I couldn't make sense of what I had been through a minute ago, new things were coming on.

He said so much that he didn't even give me time to think.

"First of all, let's get one thing clear, you don't have a family, right?"

He asked this question with a smile, it hurt, he asked as if he were saying that if your father had been your father, he would have started looking for you already, he would have come to save you from our hands.

The first drop of tear fell from my eye, "can't it go away, huh?"

"Oh thank god I hate parents walking around saying what you did to my daughter because,"

After this sentence, I realized that I was not the first and I would not be the last.

The only thing I remember after what the man said was that I was left in front of the door like a garbage, I don't remember anything before that, I just wanted to go home, I was afraid of small children passing by, even flying birds.

I started walking slowly at first and after a while I started running without noticing. I was not in control of my body, my fear had taken over my heart, my brain, even the deepest corner of my body.

As I came home, I went up to the roof, took a deep breath, my feet very eagerly stepped on the space in front of me, now I could leave myself in the space.

My God, I have no one left to hug your open arms. The moment I felt the wind on my face, I felt that I was pulled back hard.

He was dressed in all black, I couldn't see his face because of his black hat.

I was so scared that I tried to run away from him even though he saved me.

I screamed after screaming, when I felt that I was completely finished, I collapsed to the ground and cried so much that I would never cry again, I cried, sobbing.

The man who saved me was just looking at me without questioning what happened, why I was crying.

Actually, I didn't know why I was crying either, was it because Ali left me or was my body showing reflexes for the memories I can't remember?

Would a person cry for things he did not remember?

I cried so much that my body couldn't take it anymore, I gave up, all I remember is that my head hit the cold floor hard and the man in front of me quickly approached me.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital, the man on the roof was sleeping on the chair next to me, I took the serum out of my hand to go as I came to myself. The man who woke up because of the sounds I was making grabbed my hand and told me not to go, I started to panic, I pushed his hand.

- don't touch me don't touch me

I started screaming

no no no no no no no

While I was screaming, the nurses came in, they forced me into bed and gave me sedatives. I fell asleep so much that I never wanted to wake up again. I wanted to use my last wish to never wake up again.

I saw my mom and dad in my dream, it's the first time since that day. They were sitting at a table for two, they were telling me that I had to be strong, they were telling me that there was no place for me here, that I had to stand, I was complaining to them, but I didn't know why I was complaining.

My mother's black waist-length hair was the first thing that caught my eye.

My father always supported my mother with his compassionate expression, then my father got up from his chair and started walking towards me, he came to me and held my hands, he still had that compassionate expression on his face. I didn't know much about his facial features because I didn't spend much time with my father, but I memorized my mother's features. a sun and a gentle breeze created the perfect atmosphere

He was telling me that better days would come, and I kept complaining to them. Just when I decided to go with them, I woke up with a deep breath, there was no man on the roof, one of the nurses came and said that I could be discharged. Without asking the man on the roof what had happened to me, I got up from the bed and started my discharge work as soon as it was finished, I started walking towards my house with fast steps.

Normally, I would have taken the bus, but I was not ready to enter such a crowded environment. The distance between the hospital and my house was quite long, I finished the road in fifteen minutes today, which took half or an hour even by bus.

As soon as I entered the apartment, the old aunt showered me with questions:

"where were you?, why did you go out on the roof?, why did you faint?, are you okay?"

I came in front of the door of my house without caring about any questions, I went in, I went into the bathroom without taking off my clothes, I went under the water, the water was so cold that I would normally be very afraid of cold water, it would have taken my breath away, but the fire inside me was so big that I couldn't feel the heat of the water.

I didn't know how many days passed, how many hours I was in the bathroom, I stayed under the shower for hours without thinking about anything, I was startled as if I had just woken up when the door knocked, I went to open the door without caring about my wet clothes and my hair, I took my phone in my hand.

Ali had called for a long time and I had been under the shower for four days, the doorbell rang again, I walked slowly towards the door, opened the door without looking through the door hole, with smiling eyes right in front of you:

"I saw Ali...

Emotions that I hadn't felt all these days started to show themselves as if other days had been trashed, but their leader was definitely fear.

I didn't open the door very much, just out of my mouth

-What

His words came out, I should have called him to account, but I couldn't find that strength in myself.

he is puffy

‐I ever wanted to come to your house

he said and opened the door I had left ajar with more force than mine.