Till I Hold You Again

➀ 「Till I Reach You」

Matthieu〆

Millions of people are born to look for a love. Some hope for their light and some hope for their life. Wherever they are now, knowing they are not alone. No people grow alone, neither sing but loneliness.

The curtain is dancing as the wind initiates the gentle blows going through the gaps of the window. The bright sun is reflecting the whole figure of the man who is currently strumming the fret of the guitar.

As always, we make faults as we make history. The past where we are fools can overcome today. So love and forgive, take care, be honest, and be real--- to the days when we cannot.

I watched him happily playing, the strands of his hair seems to fall down beautifully down to his face. Though his orbs are all black, all I see is nothing but the glee and excitement he has now.

When the wind pushed our direction together, I was so lost when we met at the intersection of our eyes and heart, so I believed that it's you, I'm looking for.

I know I should not wait another time. Eternity, all by your side. All of the time.

My heart is racing. The way the lyrics of his composition come out of lips sounds like it wanted to reverberate me. It feels like it is coating me up with such stability. Then, with a tap on the wood, the chorus of his song follows through.

It was your smile I'm looking for, it was your smile all along. The way you look at me with daze, I know these feelings are in craze. The world has set us now, journey begins from here. You're the light that guides me, I'll reach out more for you.

Though there are days that uncertain, a promise I will bow to you. I'll hold your hands along the way, I'll hold you closer every day.

We met more than the eye, embracing the future. This is new world we're in, I'll reach you with open arms.

Goosebumps. I felt goosebumps all over my body as he lifts his head and looks at me with a charming smile that I never dared to look for a long time or else, I'll keep on falling over and over again. Jiyeon-Dae, his name, shows his perfect teeth as he asks me.

"How was that? Good or bad?"

"Why did you asked two options?" I sit up straight, "Of course, the song is always better as usual. You make nothing but better composition all the time."

Jiyeon-Dae scratches his head as he chuckles, "Wow. No matter how many times I hear it, if it comes from you, I always get this embarrassment from praise."

"You should get used to it since we are dating, after all," I said, leaning down the table. "Plus, you have millions of fans who get the same compliment, so why be shy around me then?"

He let out a laugh, "Probably because you are watching me. I demand perfection in front of my boyfriend."

"Pft!" I stifled a short snort. "By the way, is the song you just sang earlier your new album for this month?"

Jiyeon-Dae smiles at me as he stands up and pulled his chair closer to the table I am. He sets down the guitar beside him. "No. I have no plan of releasing it."

"Eh?" I gasped. "Why not? The song seems like it holds something and you worked hard on it. I see you staying all night just to create it."

"I'm glad you noticed, but this song is very special to me."

"Special?"

Jiyeon-Dae nods. "You see, this song is purposely made for you only." Then, he reaches his hand across the table to gently rub my fingers. I suddenly blushed at the unexpected action. "So that means, I have no intention of letting this be heard by others, by my fans. This is exclusively for you."

"I-I'm...." I am lost at words.

"Happy?" He asked smiling.

"More than that. I feel like I just won a lottery."

A soft laugh echoed in the isolated room. The breeze is still going and the curtains are dancing wildly. Jiyeon-Dae's eyes are glowing as if he was a fairytale character. I loved it. I love every inch of him.

"Then, I guess I hit the mega jackpot instead," His statement breaks my thoughts. "I never met anyone who isn't after my fame neither who is a loader. Even though you are someone whose lineage is different from ours, I can see the true colors you radiate off. The raw honesty and untouched."

"Eh?"

Jiyeon-Dae shakes his head. "I'm sorry, but, I meant that you are someone I am looking for. I thought I'll live my life on stages and please everyone's favors forever, but then, you came. And I'm glad." He says. "You noticed the lyrics I wrote in the song earlier? It's about how we met."

"Yeah. I noticed it." I commented. "And the rhythm is nice."

"Thank you. Now, it will be forever played for you."

I laugh. "I don't have a problem with that."

Moving swiftly, Jiyeon grabs his guitar and winked at me. He starts to play the song as I put my hand over my chin and stare at him strum the strings.

If I'll be honest, I have no experience when it comes to love. It just happened right before my eyes when Jiyeon showed up and signified to me what it feels like to be embraced. That's right. Despite living almost twenty-two years, I have spent my life studying. So, I have decided to give all my trust to him and leave myself in his good hands.

I know he wouldn't break me.

However...

Who knows that the first time can hurt like hell? Who knows that the people who just found their love can hurt like hell when an unclear refusal starts to pop its way through two people.

"Matthieu..... I can't continue this." Jiyeon's words are dark, well, that's what I least perceived and heard. "This relationship between us, I mean. I can't continue this anymore."

"What? What are you saying? We are progressing and is blooming."

"That's why I have to cut it off. I wanted that blooming flower to stop growing."

I am beyond shock. We two are alone in a restaurant and Jiyeon didn't even bother sitting down and face me other than the ground. "I don't... get it... Why are you suddenly saying that?"

"It's just that I... I wanted to focus on being an idol first. I can't let myself down as well as my father."

As much as I hate to shout at him for being unreasonable, I let my tears fall down my cheeks. "You said you can manage both. I get it if you wanted to focus, so I'll stay out. But please, the word 'done' is too much."

"I'm sorry Matt, but this is my decision." Jiyeon clenched his fists tightly--- before letting them go and turning his back at me. "I am truly sorry for all the hopes I built up."

He disappeared, leaving me in all-black background. I have my cheeks inside bitten and my fingers scratching the table, trying to comprehend and find the main reason why he wanted to end it.

But... I can't... I have no idea.

He said he wanted to focus, but when we are still together, he said he can handle both being with me and his stage performances, so why now?

This hurts. Loving for the first time does hurt. So, a lesson I realized last minute is that never give your all. No people are safe to trust. Don't treat yourself like just a lend, or else, you'll be given back.

That time, I rushed out of the restaurant.

"Was everything a lie then?"

~.~.~



*Extra note: The song above is written by me with a guide of an instrumental music I found :)*

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