The Journal of Randy McClarence and Ralph O'Malley

1 March 2016

THE JOURNAL OF “CHIEF” RALPH O'MALLEY

What a pleasant surprise! My old friend and work mate, Randy McClarence, came and visited me today. I haven’t seen him in dog’s years since he retired from the AAC. He was my best and favourite employee, and together in the earth we’ve uncovered many priceless, important artifacts that we, as a small company, unfortunately, have yet the capital to display or put them in a place for all the world to see.

Anyway, Randy came to my office today looking rather sad and agitated. He told me he was kicked out of his small humble home (his ranch) by the government who wants to mine some things from his land illegally, and that two people with children called the Whitercolls are the masterminds behind everything. That’s just awful. Not only is it illegal (and maybe environmentally unfriendly too) in so many ways, but how could people be so selfish, greedy and cruel to kick out an old retired person from his home and force him to stay somewhere else? What is the world becoming to these days? Poor Randy is stuck where he is now, with the people who caused him to lose his home in the first place and he doesn’t know what to do now.

One thing’s for sure: he can’t fight this battle alone. So he’s come to me for help. I don’t really know how to help him but I’ll do my best, ‘cause ain’t that what best friends are for?

Randy and I, after a few rounds of Guinness beer (my favorite liquor brand. So Irish. So HALF of me), both decided that we’ll drive to Randy’s place back in Arizona and try to convince those people face-to-face from tearing down his property. Randy hates flying, so we’ll just use the jeep. It must be a long, tiring way here from Texas. Randy tried not to show it, but I could tell he was exhausted. So I let him sleep here in my office building for the night in the spare guest room. There’s not much in there, but there’s a sofa with pillows on it, a rug he can use as a blanket, a small window with blinds, a toilet, a sink and water cooler, so it should be comfortable enough for him.

Oh, and one more thing. Randy told me about the 4 Whitercolls children: Malachi, Raymond, Chelsea and Serafina. He said just in case anything were to happen to their parents, like being sent to jail (they TRULY deserve it, honestly. But then……), someone other than their grandfather Melvin should stand in and take care of the kids until all of them are old enough and legally able to find work. The eldest child Malachi (a Muslim) is 17 years old. He can start looking for jobs next year, but even that and his grandpa’s pension would still not be enough, I reckon.

So long story short, Randy acted as a witness and legally made ME the next guardian for the children. He sat in my computer room and prepared all the documents, too. He even did a little research on Guardianship Law in Texas. Randy is doing this for me because

1) He knows how badly I’ve always wanted (and failed) to be part of a family and have children all my life.

2) He cares about the children. Again, he doesn’t show it. But as his best mate, I can tell.

I don’t know how the kids will handle their parents being put behind bars. I also don’t know how they’ll react to having ANOTHER old man taking care of them as a STRANGER (at first)-turned-guardian. Randy’s convinced it’s a good idea and there’s no negotiating with him when he’s determined about something. Yes, he’s that stubborn. And yes, I accepted the role as the Whitercolls children’s backup guardian. Randy’s right. It’s something I’ve always wanted.

I should sign off right now. It’s gonna be a looooong drive tomorrow. And we better hurry, too. We don’t know how fast the government can follow up with their plans these days. I can hear Randy snoring from the guest room. For someone who has the rare energy of an athlete at his age, he sure is sleeping very soundly tonight.

CHIEF.