The Journal of Randy McClarence and Ralph O'Malley

24 January 2016

Two weeks have passed since they got here. They say they gotta cut their holiday short by 1 week so that means they’re gonna leave in a week’s time (making it only three weeks of holiday for ‘em at my ranch). That’s good news for me. Here’s what happened today:

William and Susan decided to take a ride on the area around my property in their jeep. So they left the kids and their grandpa with me the whole afternoon. I decided to seize the opportunity, with the parents gone, to make the kids do some work for me. I made them pick ripe (and ONLY ripe) vegetables from my garden (and I even let them use me internet and Google what ripe vegetables look like!), pick eggs out from the chicken coop, feed my horses, chickens and animals and among other things, Malachi can’t do no work involving pigs because pigs and their meat are considered “unholy” in his religion. No problem. I made his siblings do those chores instead then. And Malchi can help tidy up the insides of my house and my kitchen.

Slavery is illegal in America now. I know that. But I don’t mean to treat these kids — my GUESTS — as slaves. I just want em to see how life is out here for me. Everyday. Doing the same things. And have them decide for themselves whether they want to live on a ranch in future or not. If they want to, then alright. But if they don’t want to I won’t be surprised ‘cause them family came from Texas, ya see. TEXAS, from the CITY. City folk can’t survive out here for no more than 3 days cause it’s too much sun, too hot, too rugged, too much wild life, too dangerous, etc. etc. I’ve heard ‘em all excuses.

But the Whitercolls have lived with me for three weeks now, not three days. And the kids have done all their chores without as much as a single complaint, whine, tear or even the smallest screw-up. Their grandfather’s pretty good, too, practicing his 80’s dance moves in the living room whenever he has the chance. They all survivin’ pretty fine out here. So I gotta say, I’m pretty impressed with them.

William and Susan came back ‘round evening with the funniest news for me. They told me the government contacted them and said I hafta leave me ranch in TWO WEEKS’ time because the gov wanna buy off me property from me, like they own the whole damn place now. And they’re gonna kick me off me ranch although I’ve lived here almost all me life.

Not a chance.

I told William and Susan they can stay ‘ere till their vacation time’s up. But they gonna leave a week early. I said ok. And I shall personally see to those government peeps.

If anyone, ANYONE, wants to get my property offa me, they can only do it OVER MY DEAD, DECAYING BODY.

RANDY.