North Star

Chapter 17: The Search

Body found: Local library assistant found on University grounds

In a statement on Saturday afternoon, police said that a private security guard has found the body of a young woman on the campus of the University of Luxembourg, shortly before 1:00am on Saturday morning.

The woman has been identified as twenty three year old Mirabelle Dupont of Bonnevoie-Nord.

Miss Dupont is believed to have worked as an assistant librarian at the campus library, close to the forested area where her body was found.

Detective Inspector Jurgen Bettel said that inquiries were ongoing, however the death was not being treated as suspicious.

Police extended their condolences to Miss Dupont’s family and friends and are providing support.

I read the short news article over and over again, my eyes straining against the brightly lit screen of my laptop. One line keeps sticking out, repeatedly catching on my mind like silken fabric catching on a rose thorn. 

“Detective Inspector Jurgen Bettel said that inquiries were ongoing, however the death was not being treated as suspicious.”

I read the sentence over and over again, trying to force it to make sense.

How on earth could anyone ever say that Mirabelle’s death isn’t suspicious? Her throat was slit ear-to-ear, for crying out loud. Saying that a death isn’t suspicious is basically just another way of saying it was death by natural causes, or a suicide. Neither of those options is really possible.

I know for sure that the part about her being found with her throat slit wasn’t just a rumour - I asked Inspector Bettel if it was true, while he was interviewing me. 

He said, “that’s confidential information”, but as he answered, he was nodding - a dead giveaway. I know enough about body language to know that he was inadvertently answering “yes”, and confirming it.

Why would the Luxembourgish police be trying to cover up a murder? Mirabelle wasn’t someone important - not some political figure, or royalty, or an undercover international spy (as far as I know, anyway) - there’s no clear reason to try to hide the truth.

I click through to a few more news websites, but all the articles basically seem to be saying the same thing. The police won’t be treating the death as a homicide. 

Eventually I decide to visit the University of Luxembourg’s student forums, knowing that the story will be plastered all over them.

I’ve been avoiding this, not wanting to get sucked into rumours and gossip, which abound on the online forums.

As I expected, all the top twenty trending threads on the forums are new, from today - and they are all on the topic of Mirabelle’s mysterious death.

“KILLER ON CAMPUS?!!! :O LUXXIES LOOK OUT... YOU COULD BE THE NEXT VICTIM!”  is the attention-grabbing title of one thread. I cringe and scroll down, stopping at a thread titled “Did anyone know the dead girl? Share your stories here.”

I click into the thread, skimming over the comments.

Hannahlie89: I saw on the news, the police say she killed herself. Not surprised… I’d kill myself too if I was a total social reject like her :D

JAMIE-J-2001: I saw her at the library sometimes. She was pretty, but hard to talk to. Wish I’d known her better. RIP.

HarryClearwater3: I went to school with Mirabelle. She was always very smart but her family didn’t have much money, maybe they couldn’t afford to send her to University. I heard she got into drugs after high school. Sad.

Brianna_22: My best friend knows her sister’s boyfriend’s personal trainer and apparently she was a total GOLD DIGGER HO! Her family is so poor, she was working night shifts at the library to support her sorry ass… plus she had an older boyfriend with money. She should’ve just become a sugar baby. 

KyleAndrewsConnor: SHE WAS IN SOME CHRISTIAN CULT WHERE ALL THE GIRLS STAY VIRGINS UNTIL THE CULT LEADER DEFLOWERS THEM ON THE STEPS OF THE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY. 

Tammyh20: I heard from my friend that Mirabelle was a satanist. Also she was schizophrenic.

I ignore the ugly, insulting rumours that random strangers are posting about Mirabelle online, searching through the jumble of fact and fiction (mostly fiction, I reckon, from people who didn't even know her), looking for even a grain of truth that could help.

I need to find answers.

I need to get justice for Mirabelle.

I need to make it right.

If I had only gone to check on her after midnight, when I noticed she wasn’t at her desk. I knew that wasn’t normal for her. Maybe I could have saved her, or helped her, or… or…

The tears begin to roll down my cheeks, and I try to stifle the quiet, soft weeping that suddenly takes a hold of me. I shudder with repressed sobs, rocking my body with a spasm of silent grief.

“It’s not your fault,” a soft French accented voice whispers in the darkness.

I almost jump out of bed with fright, tearing my eyes away from the laptop screen.

Heloise is propped up on her side, lying in her bed on the other side of the room we share, her pretty face and big brown eyes cast with a pale blue light from my laptop. 

I don’t know how long she’s been awake, but it’s clear she’s been watching me for some time - her worried expression tells me as much.

“It’s not your fault,” she repeats. “You need to stop blaming yourself Meg. This search for… I don’t know… the truth, an explanation, absolution, whatever… nothing will ever come of it. It’s not up to you to figure out why that girl killed herself. And there’s nothing you could have done. Trust me. When someone wants to end their own life, it’s not easy talking them down off that ledge unless you have some amazing leverage. Nothing you could have done or said would have made any difference in that situation. It’s best to look forward and move on with the future. She did what she chose to do, and that’s how it ends.”

“But…” I fight for words, feeling muddled. “She didn’t kill herself. She couldn’t have.”

“That’s what the police seem to think,” Mirabelle says.

“Well the police are wrong,” I say. “I can’t believe she slit her own throat. It’s just not possible.”

“Well, technically, it is actually possible,” Heloise says. “It’s totally possible. Unlikely, I agree. It’s only natural to hesitate and hold back when inflicting pain upon oneself, so it’s difficult, not an easy thing at all...But if someone was unhappy enough, and determined enough, and.. I don’t know… crazy enough… then it’s totally possible to push past the pain and slit your own throat.”

She pauses, and in the heavy silence I try to take in what she’s saying.

“Nothing you can do now can bring her back,” Heloise says in a matter of fact way, with a certain finality, like she’s resting her case. “Anyway, you should probably try to get some sleep. I’m sure it’ll all feel better in the morning. Everything always does.”

“Thanks,” I whisper to her across the room, really meaning it. 

Heloise is back. There’s nothing I can do now, except try to move on.

And so turning over in bed, I fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.