Sophia's Lust: Book 1

Julius

I met Julius when I was 12 years old, his father was my father's accountant. Julius would spend summers at the Villa with my family, along with his family. At first, we couldn't stand each other, the sight of him always made me angry. He'd bully me about my ginger hair and freckles.

When I turned 19, his little jokes turned into flirting. I almost missed the way he'd bully me. He started asking me to go on dates with him and I would always reject him. He grew into his looks, and became this tall, handsome and charming guy. I wanted to give him a chance, but I couldn’t get over the years of bullying he put me through.

Then one night, he came into my room while I was in the shower. When I got out of the shower, I was startled and dropped my towel to the floor. He admired my nakedness and moved closer to me. I wanted to run, but I felt paralyzed. He walked around me in circles lingering his fingers on my body.

He sat on the bed and told me to come sit next to him. I grabbed my towel, and he told me to leave it on the floor. I wanted to tell him to leave my room, but I didn’t, I knew what was about to happen, and maybe I wanted it to happen.

Growing up with a strict father like my Papa, I stayed far away from boys, and I hadn't had my first kiss yet. So, when Julius kissed me, I didn't know what to do.

I told him I was a virgin and he smiled. He told me to touch myself and masturbate in front of him. I laughed and thought he was joking. He grabbed my neck and told me to do it. He sat on the chair across from the bed and watched. As I started, many thoughts ran through my mind. I was focused on how ridiculous I looked, but I started to feel the pleasure of rubbing my c**t and began to moan. He came on the bed, turned me around and kissed my back down my spine as his fingers rubbed my n*****s. I started trembling at the sensation. He laid me on the bed and opened my legs, he moved his head down to my v****a, and made love to it with his tongue.

The pleasure was overwhelming, I started shaking, I almost screamed and he put his hand over my mouth as he kept licking.

I tried to take off his pants, but he told me I wasn't ready for that. Since that night, I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted more, I wanted more of him desperately. I'd touch myself remembering the night he came into my room.

He'd tease me almost every day by fingering me behind our school, or at home while our parents were in the garden. I felt like he was torturing me, because he knew I wanted more than that.

One night as I slept, he sneaked into my room. I woke up to him licking my n*****s. I got on top of him, and took out his p***s, I put it in my mouth. I was surprised at how big it was. I kept going as he moaned, he ejaculated in my mouth, then I put his p***s inside of me. He turned and put me on the bed. This was the moment I'd been waiting for. I felt my inside expanding as he stroked in and out.

For a while, he'd come into my room at night, and we'd made love. We started spending every day together and go everywhere together. We became best friends and lovers. We were so happy, until I found out that I was pregnant.

I told Julius and he seemed happy. We started planning our lives together, and he even asked me to marry him.

One afternoon, me and my sister went to brunch, I planned on telling her I was pregnant. While I waited for my sister at the restaurant, I saw Julius come in with another girl. He was all over her, kissing her neck, grabbing her waists. I felt paralyzed, the man I love, the man I thought loved me, the man whose child I’m carrying is out here in public making a fool of me. I quickly ran out of the restaurant and called my sister to meet me at home instead.

That night, Juluis came to the front gates, and I had instructed the guards not to let him in. Now that I think about it my mother was right, men will cry a whole ocean before admitting what they’d done. Julius stood outside the gates all night, the guards came to inform me that he was still asleep at the gate in the morning. I walked to the gate to ask him to leave, then he went on one knee and asked me to marry. At first I wondered if he got the ring for the girl he was with at the restaurant, I wondered how may girls he’d asked to marry him. Then he said “Let’s be a family for our baby”. My naïve mind got swept away I the fantasy of us being a family. So, I forgave him and said yes.

In no time we were back being happy, or maybe I was just being delusional. We had a baby shower, and I started planning the wedding. Four days before the wedding, he disappeared. No calls, no texts, nothing. I went by his family's house, where his father handed me a letter.

He wrote that he had to leave because he thought he was ready to be a father, but he realized he wasn't. He also thought he was in love with me, but he realized that it was just lust.

I read that letter from morning to night every day, replaying all the moments he said he loved me in my head, and all the moments I was naive enough to believe him.

I lived in my room in the dark, hurting and crying. And one morning I woke up to blood all over my bed and I knew what it meant. I became shell of myself, mourning the love me and Julius shared and our unborn baby.

Julius was my first kiss, my first love, my first everything but he broke me into pieces; pieces I haven't put back together yet. I am so scared that if I have a baby for Matteo, he’d end up leaving like Julius did. I could never survive that type of heart break again.