What it's like...
1886 Words
“Someone from a newly established management company offered me a spot. I don’t think they’ve even been around for a year. The staff are really nice. They’re holding auditions right after my graduation…”
I quietly listened to Shannon as she talked. We headed straight to the mall after class. This semester, she and Elliot are graduating. She’s finally chasing her dream of becoming a singer—just as she should.
We barely have time to hang out nowadays. Once she enters the entertainment industry, I probably won’t get the chance to see her as often. She’s bound to get busy once fame catches up with her. Shannon has what it takes to be a star. Aside from her talent and pretty face, she’s effortlessly charming and knows how to carry a conversation—something I clearly lack.
“I’m still not sure what to choose.”
I glanced at her. “Didn’t Uncle Levi’s artist center also offer you something?”
I always hear about it whenever our families get together. Uncle Levi used to be a well-known actor. These days, he works behind the scenes as a director and producer. He also owns an artist center that made Shannon an offer.
“Yeah…” she nodded, pushing her almost empty shopping cart. “He actually offered it to me a while ago…”
“But you’re leaning more toward this new management?”
She let out a sigh. “It’s not that I like it more… I just don’t want people in the training camp to think I only got in because my parents are close to the owners. I want to prove myself without relying on connections.”
I get her—and somehow, I can relate. I’ve always felt like I was stuck in the shadow of my mother’s legacy. Everyone who knew her at the university adored her—from professors and faculty to the resident doctors at the hospital I visit when I’m sick. They always compare me to her.
But I’m nothing like my mom. She’s beautiful, kind, and warm. If I had even half of her charm, maybe people would be proud of me too.
“I think no matter which management you choose, you’ll succeed anyway.”
She rolled her eyes playfully and laughed. “You flatter me too much.”
“It’s true… you’re super talented and gorgeous!” No wonder my brother was so crazy about you.
Of course, I didn’t say that part out loud.
It’s been two years since Shannon broke up with her boyfriend—the governor’s son. Since then, she hasn’t dated anyone. I never asked her why they ended things. Maybe the long-distance relationship just didn’t work out.
“There are so many girls who are prettier and more talented than me in the industry I’m about to enter…”
“Yes, but you have all the factors to make it big, Shannon.”
I turned toward the shelf and grabbed three different kinds of air fresheners—one disinfectant, one sanitizer, and one that eliminates bad odors. I also picked up cleaning supplies like scrubs, detergent, liquid soap, sponges, bleach, and gloves. I even added a new mop to the cart.
Last night, our study session at Garett's place didn’t push through. I realized—I was lying on his bed, and he was on top of me! I immediately pushed him away and rushed out of his room.
He followed me, of course. But I didn’t go back—I went straight to my condo. He had no choice but to drive me home.
As soon as I got inside my unit, I took a bath. I scrubbed my body thoroughly. Then I carefully checked all my things and clothes to make sure I didn’t bring home any bed bugs—or whatever kind of pests or bacteria might be lurking in his room!
“From your lips to God’s ears… wait—what are all those for? Why are you buying so many cleaning supplies?”
I turned to Shannon and saw her frowning as she peeked into my pushcart.
“Uh… stock for the unit…”
“Stock? Weren’t we just grocery shopping together two months ago? And I remember your cart was literally overflowing with cleaning materials and air fresheners. You used them all up already?”
I winced. “Y-Yeah, Shannon. Elona is just… really messy to live with.”
“Don’t get offended… but Elliot mentioned that… you’re kind of sensitive to dirt?”
“Y-Yeah…” I admitted.
It’s not like I’m unaware of it. A lot of people close to our family have already noticed how much of a clean freak I am. It’s just that no one’s ever asked me about it directly or pointed it out bluntly.
“It’s not affecting your daily life, is it?” she asked gently.
I bit my lower lip. “I don’t know… but I think it affects the people around me more?”
I wanted to lie and say it doesn’t affect my day-to-day routine—but it does. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to lie to her, because Shannon has always treated me with kindness.
She helped me gain confidence when I was younger—teaching me how to apply makeup, how to speak more clearly. I started talking late and used to stutter a lot. During summers at their beach house, she’d patiently talk with me. We’d play teacher-student, and she’d coach me through words.
Shannon looked at me with gentle concern. “If you feel like it’s already affecting your relationships or daily interactions… maybe it’s time to ask for help. There’s nothing wrong with seeing a doctor, Iris.”
I didn’t say anything, but I flinched when her hand landed gently on my arm. I saw the worry flash in her eyes when she noticed my reaction.
“S-Sorry,” I said quickly, biting my lip. “I-It’s just my initial reaction whenever someone touches me…”
“It’s okay.” She gave me a kind, understanding smile. “Come on, let’s finish shopping. I’m starving!”
Shannon smoothly changed the subject while we continued shopping, which helped me relax again.
I know there’s something off with me—this obsession with cleanliness, this discomfort with physical contact. But I try to avoid the topic as much as possible. I don’t know… maybe I’m just not ready to talk about it. Or maybe I’m scared that deep down, I am a freak.
We had dinner at a Japanese restaurant afterward. Shannon drove—she already has her own car now, a gift from her dad. After we ate, she dropped me off at my condo.
“Thanks for the free dinner and for driving me home, Shannon.” I unbuckled my seatbelt.
“You’re always welcome. If you ever need anything—anything at all—just call me, okay?”
I nodded and stepped out of the car. I entered the building carrying all the stuff we bought—two boxes and an eco bag. Thankfully, the security guard helped me carry them.
I looked up, watching the numbers on the elevator screen light up one by one as we passed each floor. That’s when I felt my phone vibrate in the pocket of my sweatshirt. I pulled it out and saw a message from Garett.
To be honest, he had been texting me all day, but I hadn’t replied. We didn’t have Literature class on Fridays, and since we belonged to different colleges—mine being Business Administration and his Engineering—we didn’t cross paths the whole day.
Maybe he was starting to think I’d ditch our deal?
Garett: Hey?
Garett: What’s going on?
Garett: Exams are next week.
Garett: Wow. You’re not showing up? Can’t even keep your word, huh?
Rolling my eyes, I finally typed back a reply.
Iris: Let’s meet tonight.
Garett: Where should I pick you up?
Iris: Just come to my condo building. Wait for me in the lobby.
Once I got inside my unit, I took a quick shower and changed into a matching pale blue hooded sweatshirt and sweatpants. I didn’t even have time to dry my hair because Garett messaged again saying he was already waiting in the lobby.
I quickly organized all the cleaning supplies I brought home before stepping out of my room to meet him.
It was Friday night, so Elona wasn’t home yet. She was probably off drinking or partying somewhere again. Shaking my head, I pulled my phone out from the pocket of my hoodie.
Iris: Don’t get too drunk, wherever you are. I won’t be able to pick you up if that happens.
Elona: Why? You going to bed early again?
Iris: Yeah. Just tired. Goodnight.
I didn’t tell her the real reason—I knew she’d tease me nonstop and start asking a million questions. I didn’t want her getting the wrong idea about me and Garett if she ever found out.
Elona: Ugh, boringggg!
Elona: But don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Sleep tight!
Iris: Take care. Night.
I stepped out of my unit, arms wrapped around a heavy box full of cleaning supplies. I didn’t even know how I managed to carry it—it was seriously heavy.
My eyes scanned the lobby and landed on Garett. He was sitting on a couch, talking to a girl I didn’t recognize. She probably lived on another floor. She was laughing and playfully hitting his chest, way too touchy for my liking. Garett, of course, looked all smiles.
Do they know each other?
I headed toward them, but before I could get close, Garett noticed me. He quickly said something to the girl, stood up, and met me halfway.
“What’s all this? Why are you carrying so much stuff?” he asked, puzzled, reaching out to take the box from me.
“Don’t ask,” I muttered.
He glanced inside the box, then just shrugged. “Alright. So, have you eaten yet? I’m starving. Let’s hit a drive-thru before we start.”
“Shannon and I already ate. But go ahead, buy your food. We have a lot to do later—you’ll need the energy.”
The corner of his lips tugged into a grin. “I’ve got good stamina.”
I gave him a weird look and shook my head. “Aren’t you going to say goodbye to the girl you were talking to earlier?” I asked as we walked out of the building.
“I don’t even know her.”
I frowned. “But the way you were talking, it looked like you two were close. I thought she was from the university or someone you knew.”
He laughed. “Nope. She just randomly came up to me and started talking. So I talked to her. You were taking forever.”
I glanced at Garett quietly… and found myself wondering what it must feel like—to not be scared, to easily talk to strangers like it’s nothing.
How does it feel to have that kind of confidence?
Will I ever be like a normal person?
Shannon’s words echoed in my mind.
You need help, Iris.
I just kept staring at Garett in silence…
- Writer
