The Two Queens- By: Lilly Taylor

Chapter Five: Hearts Full of Fire and Lies.

Back to Walfbane, where Lilith has some concerning matters to deal with.

My mind is whirling as I try to come to terms with what I was just told.

“I thought we could only have one mate- and if rejected, we were given a second-chance mate- also referred to as the True mate- are you telling me I’m supposed to be mated to the both of you?” I question, knowing that this goes against every single thing I have learned about werewolves.

Lyrica looks uncomfortable, though whether her discomfort stems from my questioning or the thought of the Moon Goddess making it so she would have to share me, I do not know. With a sigh, she begins,” That’s the thing- while we have a mate bond, it feels incomplete. My brother and I- we do swap places to train you. He focuses on swordplay, I mostly focus on hand to hand combat with you. We had hoped that, over time, the bond would strengthen of its own accord towards one of us. Instead, it grew stronger on both of our ends while you seemed completely oblivious to us.” Her gaze finally rests on my own, and the sparks are undeniable.

She flushes, her cheeks now matching her hair- and it takes everything I have to not pull her into my embrace.

If her hungry eyes are any indication, she’s struggling herself.

“When can I meet him? Face to face?” I break the lengthy stare we were sharing as I mention meeting the other half of the mate bond- unable to look her in the eyes while the guilt settles in.

She is gentle when she reaches over and lifts my chin to see my face- “I am unsure of when. The reason I was supposed to meet you on the field is… well, my brother isn’t in this kingdom at the moment.” Now she looks away, clearly hiding something.

“He is at war with another pack- as an alpha, it is his duty to oversee the battling.” Her voice is just above a whisper, her pain palpable as a lightning bolt of pain shots its way across my chest.

“Is this how you were overpowered and replaced by… whatever the hell is outside?” I question, my tone hardening as I realize I still have to alert the guards and the King of what had come to pass before meeting one half of my mate bond.

“Yes. While I excel at hand to hand combat, whatever attacked me was strong beyond any ordinary human means. I’m thinking he’s either a shifter that has been cursed- much like this whole kingdom- or, he’s an undead that has been given one purpose. I smelled the stench of him before he attacked me- I’ll never forget it. When I smelled you approaching, I hid- not wanting you to be bound to me when this kingdom will never accept a union such as ours.” As she spoke the last few words, her head sank into her chest, and her tone was wavering from the emotions- fear of being rejected, fear of falling in love with me only to have me turn from her- I felt all of this and more through our not-so-complete mate bond. My heart aches for her. Seeing her try to build a wall so she doesn’t feel the pain of potentially being rejected- when I myself had been rejected? I can’t ever imagine hurting her. Though we just officially met, we know each other.

If it was her and her brother sharing the role and mantle of being a royal knight and training me when the others all fell short in skill, they are both forces of nature. Graceful beyond comparison, strength unmatched, skills in combat to ensure they were practically untouchable. The consideration they take when teaching me, silently showing me the same steps until I got them perfect. Seeing Lyrica now, an absolute vision even when in the filth of the sewers- why would I ever deny her?

“Lilypad- we need to talk. There is something you should know I neglected telling you because, being honest- I had never thought we would live to see a situation as unique as ours.” Rain was soft, almost timid as she said this. I know that whatever she is about to tell me can only mean that somehow- I am once again the exception.

“Lyrica, please, stay calm. I know you’re afraid right now but I can assure you, no decisions will be made without careful consideration on my behalf. I need you to trust me and trust that I can handle this. I need to get going, back to my chambers and I need to visit a certain… not-so-handy person as well.” I smirk just a bit at my joke with the creature I had de-handed a while ago. “Meet me in my chambers later, please.” My eyes are pleading and I’m painfully aware of that as she looks at me with uncertainty.

“You are a princess, Lilith. If I come to your chambers later as you request, I… I am unsure I can control myself. Even though the bond isn’t whole- it is strong. I feel the pull towards you now that we’ve met face to face, made direct eye contact. And- with you kissing me-“ she cuts herself off, her cheeks growing redder by the second as she remembers how I had laid it on her before fully seeing who I was laying it on to. I am keenly aware of how her body is radiating heat, her breathing changing in rhythm as I gravitate towards her.

“Enough of this.” Short, clipped words from Rain and I feel myself being pulled towards Lyrica- my arm snaking around her as the other raises her chin so I can perfectly capture her lips in my own. Rain wriggles with pleasure, my body feels like it is about to implode in on itself as Lyrica deepens the kiss with a small moan escaping her. Before I am aware of it- I am partially lifting Lyrica into my arms, my hands traveling down her back and sides until working their way back up her front. Lyrica’s tongue is demanding entrance to my mouth, and I am all too willing to oblige her, our tongues doing a dance in perfect sync with each other. Just as the kiss is finally coming to a much-needed close, she gently nibbles my bottom lip, her eyes burning with a sultry fire I want desperately to consume me. “You were saying, Lyrica?” I whisper in a surprisingly seductive voice against her earlobe, before nibbling it and moving down to her neck, planting kisses as I go.

Lyrica groans in her desire and frustration- before gently snaking her hand up to my chest to put some distance between us. I sigh- every part of my being wants to continue- to see where this road leads, to hear Lyrica sighing my name in the throes of pleasure we could surely give each other. “Lily. Go.” Rain seems amused, despite how serious her tone is.

Begrudgingly, I let go of Lyrica and wink at her- “So- my chambers- later? Right?” I turn on my heel and run towards the entrance of the sewers before she can reply- painfully aware of the distance between us growing with every step I take. I shake my head, quickly finding my way back to the outside and fresh air. The sun is blinding as my eyes struggle to adjust to the newfound light.

What did you need, Rain?

“This is urgent. Truly.” Rain’s voice in my head vibrated with power once more- I knew she was deathly serious.

“Your mate bond is incomplete because they both need to be present for it to fully take hold. And- more importantly- One will die. No matter who bonded with you first, the Moon Goddess does not take kindly to greed and will swiftly remove one from your life if you chose them both. I’m sorry, but… this cannot be. And with your kingdom’s laws, as much as I am against their homophobia… As much as I would prefer you to be mated solely to Lyrica- I know I cannot ask you to make your choice based on my preferences. Even if we haven’t met her twin, I’m instantly drawn to Lyrica.”

What aren’t you telling me, Rain? I can feel your hesitation to say.

“The only way to fully complete the mate bond this time will, unfortunately, be…. Intimacy.”

Intimacy? The hell is that supposed to mean?

“I meant what married couples usually do to create offspring.” I can feel her amusement at my instant shock.

You can’t possibly mean…. I have to…. With both of them? At the same time?! Are you KIDDING ME, RAIN?! My inner voice is shrill with the embarrassment and shame I feel at the thought of actually enjoying the act. Bemused, Rain simply gives a small knowing smile and goes back into the depths of my mind where she likes to hide when my brain is spinning.

Even with me being out in the open air, the brisk wind gently blowing my braided hair around- I cannot breathe. I thought I have two chances at true love. Two people I could grow to know and then decide who I wanted to be with. Two people that could either complete me- or break me. And here I was, caught in the middle with an impossible choice to make- because once it is made, one of them dies. It becomes the end-game for them if I truly wanted to embrace my inner werewolf. My knees grow weak and I find myself silently sobbing as the gravity of what I have to do hits me full force. I have trained to take someone’s life- practiced it, even. But to know I would experience a partial rejection as I watched my partial-mate- die? How the hell was I supposed to be prepared for such a fate? Could the Moon Goddess truly be that cruel?

In short- the answer was: yes. She could be as sweet as honey or as acrid as vinegar.

A lesson I will soon learn.

I catch my breath and release the thoughts swirling in my mind- they serve me no purpose other than to weaken me and my resolve to reverse the curse. I have one clear path: confronting the rotting beast I left in the barracks training field- then confronting my father about the truth I learned nearly two years ago after meeting my first mate. If he is indeed someone meant to be a werewolf- surely learning his only daughter was no longer afflicted by the curse will be a bit of good news to him?

I stand, no longer feeling light headed and weak due to my thoughts being so confusing. Everything seemed easier when it was broken down into steps, and that is precisely what I have done to keep myself focused. I start jogging back to where I had left the foul-smelling man- handless. I’m surprised when there are no traces of him anywhere- not the foul black blood, not his stump of a hand- not even himself. Someone has found him. This field is… completely void of any blood at all- even the times I have bled and left behind stains in this field are completely absent.

“Magic. Someone had to have used magic- and rather a mess of it- to get rid of the evidence. You should have ensured the guards had him in custody before running off to find your partial mate.” Lyrica growls, her frustration being with herself as much as it is aimed towards me.

My brows knit together, I get to work on searching for literally any sign of the strange man that had attacked me. I start off high- in the barracks, around the barracks, in the open field surrounding the barracks- to no avail. I refocus my search- this time looking for any tangible traces or signs of magic use- and am dumbfounded that there are no signs of that, either. I am just about to give up all hopes of ever finding evidence when I see it- a small golden coin where the man had fallen after I sent him flying when we first started sparring. I lean down, trying to see if there are any signs of magic- and smell the foul stench that enshrouded the man. I carefully tear off a strip of my shirt and wrap the coin, being careful not to touch it.

The man may be gone, as well as any other evidence of his existence- but this coin may be what I need to get through to my father.

I head towards the castle, my mind playing with how I should confront my father. Part of me wished to show up in my wolf form- transform in front of him and dare him to deny the curse. The other part of me was unsure if I even should confront the man- he had never been forthcoming with information and was about as involved in my life as a worm avoiding a bird. I decide that neither route is promising, I may as well get whatever truth I can from the old man before he falls silent.

I go inside, up the long stairs, down the even longer corridor, and enter my chambers. Night is kissing the sky, the blues of daylight being subdued by the encroaching darkness, stars just starting to twinkle as the skies continue their dance. I take in the view for a while, my mind going blank as my worries and fears drift away. It is only when the blue of day has completely faded and the dark of night reigns supreme when I finally come to, feeling more at ease now than I have in a great while. The time has come to see my father and learn the truth, one way or another.

The castle seems grim as I leave my chambers, the stench of the sewers clinging to my skin. I head down the long corridor leading to the main castle, take the main hall down a few doors, and start rehearsing my speech to my father- the blue book with gold lettering clutched firmly in my hands. There will be no denying the curse when I have, what I consider, ample evidence.

I find myself in front of the intricate red and golden door, the patterns seeming to move as I stand still staring at it, gathering all my courage to barge into the King's chambers. I take a deep breath in, and as I exhale, shove the door open. It moves with ease; surprisingly light given the old oak it is made from.

The lighting is dimmed, the King looks old and weathered as he sits perched atop his throne. His stone-gray eyes seem to widen at the sight of me a little- I get it- I may be a princess but I had not acted as royalty in ages. My presence in this room is minimal at best. I approach the throne carefully, my hands deftly undoing my top buttons of my shirt, my breeches already loosened and ready for me to shift, should the need arise.

I stand a few feet before him- and finally make direct eye contact. I intend to search his every feature before I speak, so if there is any deception- Rain and myself can pick up on it. I'm opening my mouth to begin when I'm interrupted-"I know why you are here." He states, his eyes glinting as he makes a dismissive wave of his hand, "All of you, save my daughter- get the hell out." He does not bother to look to see if his instructions are followed. "I said GET OUT- NOW!" He bellows, his face growing red and appearing to deflate after the final servant scuttles out, the door slamming behind his fleeing feet. He stands, his face softening a bit as I look around the room warily.

"Do tell me, Father," my tone was dripping venom as I called him Father for the first time in over a year, "Pray tell, what exactly do I know? I'm curious as to what you believe I am here for." the arrogance is thick in my voice, but my emotions have already hit a boiling point. Being lied to my entire life, by someone who claimed to love me, only want the best for me? I have bitten my tongue so many times, cried myself to sleep more- and for what? For HIS comfort? So I wouldn't risk shattering HIS reality? What the f**k about MINE? MY reality- MY heart breaking from a mate bond I had NO clue existed- what about me? I'm biting back tears, trying to calm my breathing when, finally, he speaks.

"Lilypad." when he speaks, his tone is soft, and laced with heartbreak and pain. His eyes are pleading and wet- I cannot bare to see him looking so goddamn human when I needed to be angry with him- so I turn my head and stare at a wall. He crosses the gap between us in two short steps, wrapping me in his arms for the first time since I was little. "Lilypad, I am so sorry. I am so, so, SO sorry." his apology started off strong, becoming broken as his own sorrows enraptured him and his emotions bubbled over. He was crying. Hot, wet tears spilled onto my shoulder and back as he gripped me tighter, as if him squeezing hard enough could make all my broken pieces whole once more. I go to shove him off of me- and I can't. Rain will not let me, and after a few moments, I can feel it. My own sorrows, pain, and fears rising to my surface.

"You lied to me my entire life!" I sob, my fists banging into his chest as I let my emotions rule over me. "You lied to me, you made others lie to me, you forced me into useless lessons and classes telling me it would be for my benefit. You sheltered me to keep me safe and instead I wound up alone. I have been so alone for so long! Not able to trust anyone, not being able to have friends, missing out on normal life because of YOUR secrets! Our families' secrets! I had no choice but to trust you as a child and at every single turn you took that trust and crushed it under your foot, not caring what damages you were wreaking upon a CHILD! I was a child!" my words could not be stopped.

I was not done with my barrage. Not by a long shot. “You lie to me every single day you see me- IF you choose to see me, that is. You pawned me off on everyone else so you wouldn’t have to deal with me. I am a BURDEN to you- something made abundantly clear by how little of a presence you have in my life. And then there’s the fact that you keep me locked away in this castle or the surrounding castle town- for a lie you can’t hide forever!

I was bound to discover the truth eventually and I did, Father. I know about the curse. I know about your lies and our ancestors- I know that I’m actually a werewolf! I have been raised as a human my entire life! I had no idea about mates or the mate bond or how dreadful it is when a mate bond is severed. I had no one by my side I trusted after Roland…” the tears are hot, falling freely as I get small flashes of the night Roland violated me. Reliving it is somehow worse here, in front of the man sworn to protect me. I shake my head and, refusing to meet his gaze, “My entire life is a lie and I am alone. I haven’t had any guidance. Any kindness or love to guide me. I have had to find my own path and the truth of the kingdom as well. Did I not deserve even the truth from you, Father?” I finally meet his gaze, his eyes awash with tears as well.

They flowed with my tears, every unspoken thing I have ever wanted to say spewing forth like an explosion. My body is wracked by my sobbing, my knees giving way as I slide out of the King's embrace and onto the floor where I stayed.

All I can do is sob, and I feel helpless.

What I had said was true. I AM alone. Yes, I have Rain. But Rain can't hold me when I cry myself to sleep. Rain can't comfort me physically when at times that is all I crave. Rain can only howl in my head as my emotions consume me, feeling all of it with me. I am suffering- but so is Rain.

The King stares down at me while holding his hand over his heart- as if my words are causing him physical pain. Tears fall steadily from his eyes as the only sounds between us are my own hiccups from sobbing so hard. Looking as though I shattered his heart, he slowly gets down on his knees beside me, as though he wants to comfort me but is holding himself back.

"I failed you, Lilith. I failed you as my father failed me and his son before him. I was weak and could not bear the pain it would cause you to know what you were to live without your entire life." he keeps his tone soft and steady, despite his tears escaping even now.

"I- I have to ask you what you know- for I fear things may be worse than you believe." He looks knowingly at the book clutched in my hands; the blue stained by our fresh tears.

"You truly expect me to trust you with anything? No." my tone is cold- just because I sobbed in front of this man does not mean our relationship is mended. "You tell me. Everything. From the beginning."

I wipe my eyes and face off, drying the evidence of my dramatic spiel. He sighs, drying his own face before offering me his hand to stand as he begins his tale.

"Well, first and foremost- I am not King John the 1st. I am King John the 4th. The book has a lot of information correct- the origins of the werewolf; how our kingdom came to be cursed- us being werewolves that cannot shift. That is... all true. However- the book failed to get a few details correct. The curse did not stop here- it is slowly spreading to other kingdoms. More packs are being affected than just ours. The omega position is no more- they are more currently called "Luna" in tribute to our Moon Goddess and the female equivalent of an alpha having a special bond to Nyx.

That book was written about 70 years ago- by a witch hunter that brought your grandpa his wife, your grandma. What he was not aware of was that she was not just a werewolf- she was also a powerful witch.

While under the curse, we cannot shift. We cannot feel or communicate with our inner wolf- who first come to us when we hit puberty. A few have shifted, but died because they could not turn back and went feral." His face is grim while he speaks, looking deep in concentration of remembering history from before. "According to any research I have been able to find- when one is segregated from their wolf for long enough, they grow ill and die.

The only way to reverse this is to awaken the inner wolf bond and, with any luck, find your mate. The mate bond is miraculous. It can let you know what the other person is feeling, their location, you can even communicate telepathically."

Some of what he was saying was making sense to me. I could tell the general direction Lyrica was in- and I had picked up on glimpses of her feelings right after we kissed. My cheeks turn a bit pink at the memory of her lips on mine, and I have to push the thought down hard to focus on what the King is telling me.

"-which is why the only way to fully complete any mate bond is through s*x. A kiss alone will not suffice." I had tuned back into his words at the end of some important information. s**t.

"Wait- repeat all of that again. Please." I interject, the words rushing out of me.

" I was just explaining the mate bond further. The act of completing a mate bond is actually very intimate, and while outsiders have been led to believe all it takes is a single kiss, it takes intercourse. Anything less and the bond will strengthen a little, but not enough to allow telepathic communication, which when in wolf form, is essential.

Speaking of... Lilith- I must ask. Shortly after your 16th birthday, there was a period for about two weeks I did not see hide nor hair of you... D- did anything occur?"

His eyes show concern, but part of me wonders if he knows. If he has known all along the full extent of what happened that night. As he was speaking, something in my head clicked. The letter Roland had left me- he said we fully completed the bond before he severed it. If the bond can only be completed with sex... I sigh.

"Yes, something did happen. Something that, depending on how you look at it- could be good or bad." he tenses, and Rain is anxiously pacing in my head, unsure herself of how much I should tell him.

"He can know I'm here. But.... I do not think you should tell him what R did to you when you were passed out. I do not think anyone should know unless it is his undoing."

I begin telling my father about Roland showing up, and my wolf awakening. How I spent time holed up in my room researching what I was, how I shifted for the first time. Before I got to why I insisted on training with the royal knights, tears had filled his eyes and had begun to spill over, landing in his graying beard.

My hands were balled into fists on my lap, I did not know what else to do with them now. "My Lilypad... You got your wolf?" He is bearing a teary smile, pride showing on his face for the first time I can remember towards me. My own eyes water, my anger wavering into pity for the broken man before me who never got the chance to be a wolf.

Rain is clawing within me, determined to show herself to the one she should be able to look to as an alpha. I do not resist, feeling that, somehow- him seeing me as a wolf will bring him some peace.

I'm grateful I took the time earlier to loosen my clothing, as shifting is hard enough for me without replacing clothes every time. Rain is pulling herself to the surface, my bones cracking and giving way to the underlying magical current all wolves have. My skin starts sprouting silver fur, my legs shortening, my arms shortening and changing shape, bringing me down to all fours before finally, my face finishes the shift; the bones breaking and elongating into my wolf form. When I am done, I am just a silver wolf with a crescent moon shaped patch over my right eye, tail wagging hesitantly as I wait for a reaction.

"My word- Lily- you're absolutely beautiful. A force to be reckoned with, I am sure." his face contorts as he begins ugly-crying, the sight of me shifting in front of him appearing to upset him a great deal. I whine, unable to speak and tell him I only wished to make him happy. He scooches closer to me, throwing his arms around me, squeezing me tightly to himself as he buries his face in my fur, sobbing once more.

His hands are petting me in a soothing way, and I stay still, letting him cry himself out. I somehow know that he just needed to let it all out, even just this once. He needs a safe space, too- even if he has lied to me my whole life, I can not hate the man like I wanted to when I walked into this room. Knowing he has never known his inner wolf- never shifted, never got to be what a werewolf truly was? Seemed punishment enough to me.

We sit like that for a long time, neither of us moving, not wanting to pull apart when we had spent so much time at odds already.

Finally, I hear a shift in his breathing pattern- he has fallen asleep. On me. I carefully wriggle out of his arms, being careful not to shift him too much- and depart the throne room, leaving my discarded clothes in a heap under my father. I am still in my wolf form, so there wasn't really a need for clothes.

I make my way back to my chambers and have to shift back to open the door- thankfully nobody was around to see a very naked princess.

I am both surprised and delighted to see Lyrica in my bed, already curled up under my covers. I throw on a thin nightgown and crawl into bed next to her, being careful not to wake her. She seems to know I am there, even asleep, and snuggles herself into my chest with a content smile on her face.