Who The Hell Am I?

Chapter 3 - The Beginning Of The End

One Christmas I knew something had to change. We needed to get away and remember what it was like to just be us. It had been so long since we had some time that didn’t revolve around our kids, the house, friends, our responsibilities we needed to just be us. So for Christmas his gift was a trip for two. We were going to Vegas and it was going to be just what we needed. Or so I thought. In hindsight this trip is what brought our relationship to a crash nine months later but its also the reason I became the person I was meant to be.

On this trip we met a guy with lots of big promises but not so much follow through. This man and my - well let’s call him my husband even though we were never married - hit it off right away and from there my husband spent less and less time home with his family and more time escaping to the US. Two weeks here, a month there, six weeks and so on. He would tell me it was for our future and the dreams he wanted for us. At first i believed him - until I didn’t. The first several trips he would call to talk to me every night before bed. Some of the trips I would even join him for a week or so. The last trip he took before I left he was gone for 4 months.

In those 4 months I started to realize I would be okay without him and that I am actually happier without him. The first two and a half months he barley talked to me. I would camp and be in bed by ten or eleven every night and yet he still would not call. I was the perfect wife going through the motions of life and raising my children but I was doing it all alone. Eventually I began to wonder why on earth I was letting my life pass me by while he was doing lord knows what in Florida and Las Vegas. So I started to live my life. I made great friends and was having a blast. And then the fighting began. He would say I’m drinking to much. Which guy am I cheating on him with tonight. I’m not taking good enough care of my children. He went from not caring about me and not wanting to talk to me back to controlling me. The depression got worse then but at the same time I was having the best summer of my life and that’s how I knew it was time to move on.