Aon

Chapter Seventeen

It was as if I were slapped and I froze at his words in horror. I felt as if he punched a hole into my chest and tore out my beating heart to watch it bleed. The dagger in my hand dropped as I looked back at the man that was supposed to be my Soul Twin. He wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth and looked up at me bitterly.

“You –you’re…” I couldn’t find the right words as I choked.

“Disappointed?” He lifted a brow as he sat up, the first hint of hatred towards me leaking out. “Isn’t this a turn of events? An Aon with a Legion for a mate –so tragic.” He said scornfully.

My Soul Twin was Michael Killian. A Legion. A man that has killed many of my men. It felt like something impaled my heart, jerking something out and putting something else into its place. I felt venom pull in my mouth, curse words I never thought I’d say began to trickle into my mouth and stir inside my stomach.

“You’re not my Soul Twin.” I rejected instantly, causing him to frown. “Don’t even associate me as a part of you, you low life piece of scum. I don’t care how the laws are written or if we were born with souls that are linked. You are and will never be a part of my soul. I’d rather die than think of myself to stoop so low as to even remotely care or think about you. You can rot in a cell for eternity and burn in hell for what you have done. You will only be bones among the rust and rubble before I think of you again.”

I trembled in rage as he peered at me solemnly while wiping his mouth again.

“Done, sweetie? Or would you like to drag another dagger through my soul?”

“I hate you.” I spat.

His mouth curled up into a smirk that instantly made me cringe.

“Ah, you hate me? But you see, sweetie, the opposite of loving me, would not be hate; as someone had once said, it would be indifference. To hate me would be a strong passion, and to have that much passion would mean you care, for love and hate is a passion shared strongly.”

“Then I am indifferent to you.” I growled.

“You sound it.”

I pinched my mouth shut and stood fuming as I fisted and loosened my hands repeatedly. I didn’t know what to feel or what to say. I felt myself breaking inwardly from the venom I was speaking, yet the betrayal was much stronger and fed the stirring hatred in the abyss of my soul. He had no expression as he held my gaze, but he peered at me as if waiting for something.

I couldn’t look at him anymore, it was as if his eyes taunted me and waved the sins he had committed in front of my face. I quickly picked up my dagger and shoved through the cluster forming at the alleyways mouth. Eli tried to grab my shoulder, but I shoved his hand away and took off to escape them. I didn’t want to look back or see what was behind me, it would be my fate if I did. He wasn’t my Soul Twin, he never could be. I will not love someone who has done my people wrong, who had killed all that I loved. It might not have been his hand that took them, but I felt as if it was. I felt betrayed, as if the dreams waved a false perception in front of my eyes. I didn’t want to believe what I saw anymore, it was all a lie.

I shoved open the Manor doors, panting and sweating profusely as I stumbled in on the sight of Thomas and Rosy. They were passing through the lobby with their elbows locked together, murmuring quietly until I had startled them. They stopped, and we stared at each other until I slammed shut the door and tore through the room, rushing for my safe-haven. I bolted the study shut and stopped in the middle of the room. My insides seemed to tremble, and I didn’t know whether to break his neck or cry.

My anger boiled, and I wished, I yearned for him to feel my hatred. I wanted him to feel like he was poison, a disease, I wanted him to die inside. I grabbed a vase beside me and chucked it as I left out a shriek of rage and pain. It was as if the sound of the breaking glass suddenly brought a short burst of relief. Tears welded as my blood boiled and my body trembled to do some damage. I grabbed a figurine and thrusted it across the room, where it shattered and sprayed out from the force.

I went on a rampage, grabbing anything and everything I could lift to throw or break. The sound of smashing wood and broken glass was like wind chimes to my ears. I might sound mad, but it was the only relief I could find in that moment. By the time I could collect myself, the room was destroyed to no return. I sat alone in the corner of the room, hating him as strongly as I could in hopes he could feel it.

My hands were bloody, to the point I couldn’t even tell where the blood was coming from. I felt like an i***t for thinking about him, for saving him, for protecting him, for dreaming about him, and for even having him selected as my Soul Twin. I wanted nothing more but to beg whoever selected him, to change out my Soul Twin and give me another. I didn’t want him, I didn’t need him… he was dead to me by soul.

I didn’t want to see him that day, maybe not even the next. I kept the door fastened and fell asleep on the cot a little after nine-thirty p.m. I skipped both lunch and dinner, my stomach wouldn’t have been able to handle it. I didn’t know what to do with myself, I wanted to tell myself:

“Buck up, buttercup. Don’t let this get in the way of your plan”.

Yet, it jostled everything in a way I couldn’t understand. I didn’t see how one man could change everything and this only irritated me more. I wanted to overcome what I felt, to push it away and be who I was meant to be. He was a roadblock, one that I would overcome even if it kills my soul in the process.

Yet, I couldn’t overcome it as easily as I wished. This wasn’t the same scenario and I couldn’t step away and see it from another point of view. I wish I hadn’t obeyed the feeling inside of me, I wish I had listened to Eli and stayed with Sam. I wish I hadn’t saved him…

This thought haunted me, even after I fell asleep. Everything replayed through my dreams, only twisting and becoming distorted as it went on. Our first meeting became a blood bath after I saved him, he slaughtered me and smeared my blood over his face in triumph. I woke up screaming, ranting and raving again, but this time I stayed in place until I could calm myself.

Something suddenly thumped against the study doors and it tossed me into survival mode. It was him, it was time to face him.

I flew off the cot and grabbed my pistol from my holster and aimed it for the door. I stood ridged, my hands trembling and my eyes blurry from the tears wishing to weld again. It wasn’t sorrow or pain that made my eyes weld, it was the anger that pulsed and pulled inside of me. It thudded again, and I c****d the gun as I stiffened my body to expect the worst. He growled and plowed into the door again as I stepped closer and waited from the shadows.

The doors flung open, banging against the wall and ripping the handle and lock from the doors. His eyes snapped to me quickly and I almost gasped in relief as I rocked back onto my heels.

“Eli, you jerk!” I growled in a shriek of rage. “I thought you were…” I couldn’t finish my sentence as my eyes swept behind him.

 “What the hell, kid?” He said in agitation. “Why didn’t you unlock the door? I was shouting, didn’t you hear?”

“No, I didn’t.” I muttered as I slumped into a chair.

“God, you scared the hell out of me. He’s going berserk down there, demanding to see you. I thought something happened…” He breathed in a calming breath.

“I’m fine.” I waved him off sharply. “I don’t want to hear another word about him.”

“What happened in here?” He said slowly.

“I got angry.” I gave him a sarcastic grin that turned into almost baring him my teeth.

His mouth pressed into a thin line as he clenched his jaw. Without another word, he sunk into the chair across from me and pressed his fingertips together.

“Eleanor,” he murmured. “I had once felt what you feel now.”

I flashed him a glance that made him lean back as if I put a dagger to his throat.

“How?” I jerked my chin up. “You have no clue.”

His eyes fell, his jaw flexed as his dark face turned towards the faint light coming in from the open doors.

“Annabelle… she wasn’t an Aon.”

My eyes locked on his face as his gaze fixed on the empty hearth. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, because I had a feeling of where he was going. Yet, I said:

“What was she then?” I tried to coax.

His brows creased as he looked somewhere else. “She was a beast, a monster, a criminal, a murder… a Legion.” He forced a smile as he met my gaze. “Yet, I loved her more than anyone could. I wanted to hate her, but it’s impossible to with that connection there. At first, I could hate her, I could push her away and hurt her. But then, I saw into her soul, felt its electric wave, felt the pain of our souls connecting. After that, I could no longer resist her as I thought I could. She was my nightmare, but such a beautiful nightmare, she was my greatest love.”

His eyes were almost hollow as they peered into my own, and just then, something licked in his irises, a purple flare that seemed so familiar to me. I quickly looked away as he left out a strained chuckle.

“We are kindred spirits, Eleanor. We might not have the genetics of the same soul, as a Soul Twin does. But I know what color your soul is, I saw it the first day we met. I knew your Soul Twin was to be a Legion the very first time I saw that Pendant around your throat. You are just as reluctant as I was, but I know you will love him in time. Don’t make the same mistake I did, the time I had with her I wasted with hatred. And by the time I truly loved her and could hold her, she was gone forever.”

I gnashed my teeth and glowered at him. “I will never love him.”

His eyes softened, and he frowned.

“Okay, then you won’t. Just don’t fight it, Eleanor. You don’t know how much it will hurt when the other retaliates and returns the pain you feed into them. Rejection is like a stab, a hollowing of the heart and soul. The more you plunge that blade into them, the worse you will feel when they turn around and bite back.”

I shook my head and rubbed my jaw roughly.

“Just shut up, Eli. I don’t want to hear it.”

“I know.” He mumbled. “I didn’t want to, either.”

He slowly stood and placed a hand on my shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze. He sighed.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, Eleanor. But you will have to talk with him sometime, if not tonight, then tomorrow. You can’t just avoid this.”

“Why?” I snapped and shrugged him off.

I could see the frown on his lips. “Don’t do what I did, please. You don’t know what it’s like to have your Soul Twin dead, it’s like suddenly going blind and deaf all at once. As if the world has suddenly fallen black and white, growing darker every day that person is gone.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he shook his head. “You can’t take back the time you waste hating him, use your time wisely.”

“I thought you hated Legions.” I growled.

“I do, but that’s only because a Legion took away my own Legion. I had not hated them when I was in love with her, but when her own kind pulled out her heart to let her bleed in front of my eyes…” He stopped short and his features crumbled at the memory. “Don’t waste your time, Eleanor. It’s one of those old sayings, ‘You don’t know what you have until it’s gone’.”

My insides gnawed and seemed to quiver in torment as I tried not to listen to his words. I knew they were true, for him… but this was my life, this wasn’t the same thing. I turned and bowed my head away from him as he sighed.

“By the way…” I shot him a sideways glance as he looked back at me. “Sorry about the doors.”

“It’s alright, I didn’t want any privacy anyway.” I whispered sarcastically.

“Just think about it, Eleanor…” He mumbled as he turned. “It’s the only advice I can give.”

He left me, and I sat motionless as my heartbeat seemed to form an odd beat.

Thump, thump, bum-bump… Thump, thump, bum-bump…

I felt restless, yet I was unmoving as I tried to ignore his words. I felt as if I should stand and wander the halls, as if I had to move to satisfy this uncontrollable urge of anxiety. I knew what it was, it was him, Eli said he was restless and I suppose he felt my own anger and restlessness, and now I feel his.

I fought against it until I couldn’t handle it. I quickly stood and grabbed my pistol and hurried through the broken doors towards the lobby. I regretted each step I took, yet, it calmed the war inside of my head. I only made it as far as the cellar doors and my hand touched the doorknob, when I stopped and stared at the wooden paneled wall in sudden reluctance. My hand tightened around the doorknob as my thoughts looped and scrambled until I withdrew.

I shouldn’t… I’d rather be calm and collected before seeing him. If I go now, I might just use the weapon in my hand. I pulled away and retraced my footstep until the lobby and turned towards the parlor of the Manor. I didn’t want to be in the study, where I could sleep and rethink over everything until I repeat everything.

I slumped into an arm-chair by a bare hearth and sat the pistol on the coffee table. I stared at the gleaming object in the darkness and touched the cool Pendant at my throat. It warmed at my touch and it glowed faintly until my eyes slowly flickered to its form. It was only the size of my palm and I curled my fingers around it as if to hide it. Only if I could hide from it all and let someone do their own will, it seemed so simple and easy. I wish I could wake as Anne Bennett again, back in my apartment, where I didn’t know Aons and Legions existed, or who or what my Soul Twin was. Yet, I knew I couldn’t do that, I had to face it and put on an emotionless mask to concur. It might seem so dumb and childish to see this one man as such an obstacle, but it’s indescribable how a Soul Twin affects you. It can either ignite a fire of passion and love, or in my view, it sets the world on fire and I am forced to watch it all burn.

“I want to go home.” I whispered. “Please, God… just take me home. I don’t want to do this. –I don’t want this, I never did.”

I bit my tongue and looked away from the Pendant and back to the pistol. I don’t even know if I believe in God anymore. I’ve seen so much evil it’s hard to believe there is any good left. I let go of the Pendant and it lost its glow. I retrieved the pistol and held it between both hands. The Pendant will be my weakness; the gun, my strength. I c****d it and looked up ahead as I leaned back into my seat and put it on my lap. I rested my arms on the arm rests and closed my eyes, his eyes were the first I saw. They glowered, and I only smiled as if to taunt the image. Even though this will hurt me as well, I will do what I have to do to make him hate me, too…

I won’t be the damsel that needs saving, I wasn’t raised that way. I was raised to be headstrong and to lift my chin when I feel like collapsing; to smile when I feel like crying and to walk with confidence when I feel like hiding away. That was who I was –am, and he’s never going to change that.

He just won’t…