I'm not Her

Chapter 4

I just sat there, watching her out of the corner of my eye as she dabbed at her eyes, re-applied her lipstick, and brushed her hair back into place.

It was like watching someone put on armor, hiding all the hurt and mess so no one could see how messed up they really were underneath.

The car was quiet except for the occasional rustle as she dug around in her bag. Then she faced the mirror applying a lipstick. "Amira...you look like a hot mess right now," gaslight pa sa sarili.

After that she put her stuff away, taking a deep breath as she checked herself one last time.

"Alright," she said, exhaling shakily. "Let's do this. And remember... not a word to Dad."

I nodded, rolling my eyes a little but keeping my face straight.

"Whatever b***h," I mumbled, trying to keep the seriousness out of my voice.

Because, honestly, I was getting tired of this whole thing—always having to be the one to keep her secrets, cover for her, and pick up the pieces when things fell apart.

As I pulled into the driveway, I shot her one last look. She still looked a bit of a mess, but I knew she'd pull it off. She always did.

We stepped into the house, I could feel Amira''s nerves practically radiating off her. She fiddled with the hem of her sweater, avoiding my eyes. I just sighed, reaching for the doorknob and pushing it open. Inside, Dad was on the sofa, eyes flickering between us and the TV. He muted it the second we walked in, standing up with this tired, relieved look on his face.

He took a few quick steps toward us, his gaze moving over us like he was checking for bruises or something.

"What happened to your group study, Amira Shane? Making you this late?" His voice was calm, but I could hear the edge underneath it.

Amira opened her mouth, probably trying to scramble for an excuse, but I cut in.

"I found her asleep. She just knocked out from doing so many papers, Dad. Y'know advance studying so she will be prepared in Oxofrd," I said it firmly, my tone carrying just enough irritation to sound convincing. I felt Amira relax a little beside me, probably relieved that I'd taken over the explanation.

Dad sighed, his shoulders relaxing a little. "You two..." He shook his head, rubbing his temples. "I just get so worried sometimes. After your mother... you know you're all I have left."

There was this heaviness in the air after he said that, and I just nodded, not really trusting myself to say anything back.

Amira whispered a soft "Sorry, Dad," before we turned and headed upstairs. I could feel his eyes on us until we were out of sight.

Once we hit the top of the stairs, we went our separate ways. I headed straight for my room, shrugging off my jacket and tossing it on a chair. It felt good to finally be out of it, leaving me in just my sleeveless top. I sighed, sinking down onto my bed, letting the mattress catch me as I stared up at the ceiling.

What Amira said in the car echoed in my head. "You've never been in love."

I couldn't help it—I actually laughed. It was true. Love always seemed like some kind of messy, chaotic storm, the kind I'd rather watch from a distance. People got hurt. Things fell apart. Who'd want to sign up for that? I was fine on my own. No heartbreak, no drama, just peace. Feeling ko kasi ngayon na generation ay delikado na ma inlove. People today making the love like their playground.

But before I could get too deep into my thoughts, there was a knock at the door.

I barely had time to say anything before Amira slipped in, already in her pink pajamas, her face fresh and clean from washing off her makeup. She looked... well, not quite her usual self. There was this quietness to her tonight, like she'd finally run out of energy.

"Can... I sleep here tonight?" she mumbled, giving me a sheepish look. "Ugh, I feel miserable."

I just rolled my eyes, shifting over to make a space. Whether I said yes or no, she'd find a way to sleep here anyway. Useless kung magmamatigas ako na ayaw ko siya katabi. She crawled under the blanket beside me, her head resting on my chest, and my arm just naturally fell around her shoulder.

We both stared at the ceiling. After a few moments, she let out a shaky sigh.

"Thank you, Mari... You're such a savior. I don't know what I'd do without you."

I shrugged, "Uh-huh," I muttered, not really sure how to respond.

She chuckled softly, poking me in the arm. "You're really a cold b***h, you know that?" She laughed again, a bit more relaxed now. "That's why you don't have a boyfriend. All the guys are terrified of you!"

I rolled my eyes, but a tiny smirk slipped onto my face. "Maybe I just don't need a guy like you do," I shot back, nudging her gently with my elbow.

She snorted. "Oh, please. One day, you'll find someone who'll actually put up with you, and then you'll see. You think you're so tough, but when it happens...it'll hit you so hard, Amari Saoirse." She shook her head, smiling like she knew something I didn't. "You'll see."

I just scoffed, glancing at her. "Yeah, right. If I ever fall for someone, I'll make sure not to fall as hard as you did. I'm not about to let some guy turn me into a mess."

She shook her head,"Well, love doesn't really care what you plan, you know. Love is unexpected."

For a second, neither of us spoke, just letting her words settle in the quiet room. The lampshade cast a soft glow, and the silence between us felt comfortable, finally calm after all the drama. In her own weird way, Amira had a point—love was unpredictable, something I couldn't just control like I thought I could-learned from the book i read.