An Alpha's Promise

Two

“Enjoy the rest of your afternoon off, Stacy. I’ll see you tomorrow” is what I end up replying to Stacy. Instead of all the questions I have. Does Stacy know who I am? Has Cataleya talked about me?

“You too, boss. Thank you for not firing me. Have a good one.” She replies. `

As I walk toward my car, I have Cataleya in my line of sight. She waves bye to a couple of coworkers. Even from afar, one can tell she is loved and respected by her peers.

She was born to be a Luna. Celian states.

My feet must’ve got a mind of their own because, in an instant, I’m standing behind her as she reaches her car. The wind blows our way and carries her scent toward me. Celian purrs in gratitude. For me, it serves as a reminder that she’s here, she’s real and she’s alive, that I didn’t conjure her up in my mind. Her skin still has a shimmery golden glow I remember.

“Ahem.” I clear my throat. She freezes like someone has poured a bucket of ice-cold water over her. Cautiously keeping my distance, I would never purposely do anything to make her uncomfortable. I’m well aware that I have done more than enough in the past to cause her pain.

Not exactly knowing what to say, I opt for:

“Hello, Catayela.”

When I move an inch closer to her. A move made unconsciously. I think there’s a gravitational force pulling me towards her, but her body becomes stiff. Maybe this was a mistake. I didn’t consider how she would react.

Talk to her. Celian pushes.

“I was hoping he could talk?” I ask hesitantly. When she doesn’t answer, I continue, “Maybe grab a cup of coffee. There are some things I would like to say to you, explain myself …”

“Please leave me alone.” Cataleya interrupts me, her voice laced with anger, but I can hear her heart beating erratically.

“… now that we’ll work together.”

She releases the breath she’s been holding.

Cataleya

I whirl around, not sure I heard Colin correctly. I’m a bit taken aback by the sight of him.

DAMN IT! He looks even better up close. Why couldn’t he age ugly? Be bald or have a beer belly. Instead, here he is standing with his hair full of hair neatly combed, even the silver strands of hair that have taken up residence look good. Ugh. Focus, Cat. He’s an asshole and you’re upset.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” I ask him. I just want to make sure my mind isn’t playing tricks on me.

Did he just say he wants to talk? TALK? Now? After 11 years. HELL NO!

“Well…” Colin looks at the floor, scratching the back of his neck, fidgeting. “I thought since I’m consulting here in Crescent Valley, for the time being, we’re going to see each other frequently and probably end up working together. I figured we could talk about our breakup. Clear the air and whatnot.” Colin replies.

Breakup? There was no breakup. Colin left, he left ME and disappeared. It wasn’t a mutual decision. I didn’t get a choice. I notice Colin staring at me, waiting for my reply. Of course, he can’t hear the freakout conversation I’m having inside my brain since my lips aren’t really moving. I’m just standing there blinking. Maybe I’m in a state of shock, but my blood has been boiling since the beginning of this conversation and I just lose it and erupt.

“Break up?” I ask him, more of a rhetorical question, but my voice came out higher than I meant to.

“YOU f*****g LEFT ME, Colin. No…”

I close my eyes and take a calming breath. Do not lose your cool and give him that power. Gain back control. In a much nicer, smoother voice, I continue.

“You walked away for some unknown reason, without talking to me, without an explanation. Wait, no, my mistake, you sent me a TEXT, a mother freaking text Colin.” I enunciate.

“I respected your decision because you didn’t leave me a choice. It wasn’t a breakup. You left, vanished. After all this time. I didn’t know if you were dead or alive. I didn’t know if you had another woman and that’s why you left because I wasn’t enough. My mind made up so many crazy stories to try and cope with your abandonment, age difference, ethnicity… you name it, I thought about it. I tried so many different ways to try to reach you. All I got in return was radio silence. How many messages did I send you? How many voicemails did I leave you? Emails that you couldn’t even dignify me with a response. I mean, how difficult could’ve been to talk to me? Given me a chance to understand, and now you want to talk?” I say, exasperated.

Colin looks like he’s going to say something. His eyes convey so much emotion, but he doesn’t get a chance. My words are coming out of my mouth like vomit.

“Hate to break it to you, Colin, but you’re 11 years too late.”

My lips were trembling, and eleven years of pain, insecurities, and heartbreak came rushing back. But I would not show any weakness., I am not that heartbroken nineteen-year-old girl anymore. I walk forward, pointing my index finger at him.

“I don’t care what you have to say after all this time. How dare you disrupt my peace, for what?” Giving him an up-and-down scowl.

“So you can feel better about yourself? f**k you. 11 years have passed since, Colin. We’re not the same people anymore. I mean, I sure hope so. Point is, I don’t know you and you certainly don’t know me, and I would like to leave it at that.”

I whirl around and head to my car. Repeating to myself:

Don’t look back, don’t look back, DO NOT LOOK BACK.

I had some dignity left and I wouldn’t lose it by crying in front of him, and believe me, tears were threatening to spill over. Why is this happening? Haven’t I suffered enough?

As I pull out of the parking lot, I have all these pent-up emotions about seeing Colin after all this time, trying to push themselves to the surface. When I woke up this morning, I did not expect my day would turn out this way.

Never in a million years, I would have thought that I would see the man who broke my heart when I was nineteen. I certainly did not think I would have this conversation in the parking lot of my job. Like WTF just happened?

I’m still a little shaken by the encounter. I guess it’s the adrenaline still coursing through my veins, but my anxiety is going through the roof and I’m freaking out inside about what just happened and everything that was said. I search my music app for Andrea Bocelli and Dua Lipa’s song, “If only”, pull to an off-road path, and just let it all out. Pretty sure, I shouldn’t be operating heavy machinery under these conditions. The first few tears came slowly, but now it’s like the whole dam has broken. It hurts, it hurts immensely, it hurts more than I thought it would. I guess time doesn’t heal all wounds. Whoever invented that saying was lying. I wrap my hands around my chest, right above my heart. I need to hold my chest, feel my breathing, something, just to feel my heart beating to make sure I’m still alive. Breathing’s so difficult through the tears and the hyperventilation. But I’m enraged. How dare he talk to me as if nothing happened? It took me a long time to understand and accept that Colin wasn’t my prince charming because I deserve a love deep and pure; an everyday love. No matter what life throws at you, you stick together kind of love. I deserve someone that chooses me time and time again, not when it’s convenient.