Marked by his gaze

Quiet distances

I didn’t notice the distance growing at first.

It happened the same way everything else with Elias did, quietly and without demand. There was no argument, no confrontation, no moment where I felt pushed. If anything, it felt like I was the one choosing differently. Choosing him.

That was how I justified it to myself.

Cassie started complaining that I was harder to catch between classes. That I was always “busy,” even when I didn’t seem to be doing much of anything. She laughed when she said it, nudging my arm like it was a joke, but I could hear something else underneath it.

Confusion. Maybe even hurt.

“You disappear a lot now,” she said one afternoon as we stood by my locker. “Did you join some secret club or something?”

I smiled weakly. “No. I just… hang around.”

“With who?” she asked casually.

Before I could answer, Elias appeared beside me. Not suddenly. Not aggressively. Just there, like he’d always been meant to be.

“Hey,” he said softly.

Cassie looked him over, then back at me. “Oh. Hi.”

“Hi,” Elias replied, polite but distant.

There was a pause. A strange one. I felt like I was standing between two different worlds, unsure which one I belonged to.

“We were just talking,” Cassie added. “About how Damie’s been hard to find lately.”

Elias glanced at me. Not accusing. Just observant.

“She likes quiet,” he said. “Crowds tire her out.”

I stiffened slightly. Not because he was wrong, but because I hadn’t said that out loud.

Cassie frowned. “I mean, yeah, but...”

“She’s allowed to have space,” Elias continued calmly. “Right?”

The way he said it made it sound like a genuine question. Reasonable. Protective. I nodded before Cassie could respond.

“I don’t mind,” I said quickly. “I just need… less noise sometimes.”

Cassie’s expression shifted. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Okay. Just checking.”

She walked away a moment later, waving over her shoulder, and for some reason, I didn’t follow. I stayed where I was, my shoulder almost brushing Elias’.

“You didn’t have to explain me,” I said quietly.

“I know,” he replied. “But you looked uncomfortable.”

I exhaled. “I always do.”

His gaze softened. “Not with me.”

That simple sentence stayed with me longer than it should have.

After that, things changed in ways I didn’t immediately question. Elias started walking me to class more often. If Cassie was there, he’d linger at a respectful distance. If she wasn’t, he stayed close.

“You don’t need to rush,” he reminded me whenever I sped up without realizing it.

I wondered when he’d started noticing that habit.

During lunch, I found myself sitting with him more than Cassie. It wasn’t intentional. It just… happened. Cassie liked loud tables, people drifting in and out, conversations overlapping. Elias and I sat near the edge of the cafeteria, where it was quieter.

“I don’t think they really hear you over there,” he said once, nodding toward Cassie’s table.

“They’re just loud,” I replied.

“Loud people rarely listen,” he said calmly.

I didn’t argue. A part of me knew he was right.

At home, my phone buzzed more often than usual. Elias didn’t text constantly, but when he did, it felt deliberate.

Did you eat today?

You seemed tired in math.

You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.

That last message came after I told him Cassie wanted me to come to a small get-together. Nothing big. Just people. Noise. Laughter.

I stared at the screen for a long time.

I might go, I typed, then deleted it.

I’m not sure yet, I sent instead.

You don’t owe anyone your energy, he replied.

The thought settled in my chest like permission.

I didn’t go.

The next day, Cassie noticed.

“You skipped last night,” she said as we walked to class. “You said you’d try.”

“I was tired,” I said.

“You’re always tired lately.”

I shrugged. “School.”

She stopped walking. I took another step before realizing she wasn’t beside me anymore.

“Damie,” she said, more seriously now. “Is something going on?”

My first instinct was panic. My second was guilt.

“I’m fine,” I insisted. “Really.”

She searched my face. “You’d tell me if you weren’t, right?”

I hesitated.

Just for a second.

Cassie noticed.

Her shoulders dropped slightly. “Okay.”

That word hurt more than anything else she could have said.

Later that day, I found Elias waiting near the library steps. He looked up when he saw me, his expression relaxing like he’d been holding tension he hadn’t realized was there.

“You didn’t answer her,” he said.

My stomach flipped. “Answer who?”

“Cassie,” he replied. “She was watching you leave.”

I frowned. “You noticed that?”

“I notice when people make you uncomfortable.”

“She’s my best friend,” I said, a little too defensively.

“I know,” he said calmly. “That doesn’t mean she understands you.”

I opened my mouth to argue, then stopped.

Because what if he was right?

Cassie loved me, I knew that. But she didn’t really see me. She never noticed when I needed silence. Never realized how draining it was to keep up with her world.

Elias saw all of it.

“I just don’t want you feeling pressured,” he added gently. “You’ve spent so long doing what everyone else expects.”

Something in my chest loosened at that.

We sat together on the library steps, close but not touching. The sun dipped lower, casting long shadows across the pavement. I felt calm. Grounded.

Safe.

“Do you ever feel like people only like the version of you that’s convenient?” I asked suddenly.

Elias turned to me fully now. “All the time.”

“I don’t think Cassie means to,” I continued. “But sometimes it feels like I exist next to her, not with her.”

“You don’t have to compete for space with me,” he said quietly.

The certainty in his voice made my throat tighten.

Over the next few days, the distance between Cassie and me grew, not dramatically, but undeniably. We still talked. Still laughed. But it felt thinner. Like something fragile stretched too far.

And every time that feeling surfaced, Elias was there. Steady. Attentive. Unwavering.

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” he reminded me.

“You don’t owe anyone anything.”

“Being selective isn’t the same as being cruel.”

Each sentence wrapped around me like reassurance.

I told myself I was finally choosing myself.

I didn’t realize how small my world was becoming.

I only knew that inside it, Elias was always there.

And somehow, that felt like enough.