OUR JOY

CHAPTER 5

I was so scared, he was mad, I could tell. In the car there was silence and the intense vibe was cutting through skin like a razor blade. You could feel it crawling in your vein, sneaking like a virus, a parasite. He was fuming and I knew why, honestly speaking I don't get it. I mean, he should understand that I must have been scared of rejection, him acting mighty and all here as if he had some claim. He is being a hypocrite, I know it was some sort of pleasure for him when he bedded me, he did not expect to start a family.

Everyone in the car was quiet, I am sure you could hear a needle drop. I was stressed out because I didn't know what he was thinking. What if he takes them away from me? Could he be that petty? I really did not mean to hurt him in anyway. I was just confused and scared, stranded and alone. When I found out who he was, how powerful and rich, a billionaire at that. I got scared that he would think I wanted his money, I didn't think he would believe me. I didn’t' want to come up as a gold digger and desperate bugger. I didn't want him to look at me with disgust and resentment, I could never ever stomach that. I did not know what to do and I did what felt right then and what was best for me and my kids. They are the only family I have and left, he better not thinking of taking them away from me. I swear, I will kill him if he tries that.

"We are here" I heard his brother saying, we were in front of massive mansion he was still fuming.

He strides were so loud and each of them were screaming war, step away from the warrior. He looked like the villain and he looked to get angered easily and like a heartless killer. You better get away from him before he snatches you away and chop you in to pieces. He was angry, I thought maybe while on the drive here he would cool down. Looking at him right now, it seems as if he just got worse.

He matched to the mansion, more like he flew in there. I was really scared that he was going to break and it was not going to be pretty.

We all followed, he was pacing in his living room and the helpers were confused. I saw Jonathan move closer to his father and it scared me, but I was more scared to speak because I didn't know if that would be his trigger. Jonathan tugged his big muscular hand, Michael looked at his son surprised and foreign. He guided his father to the couch, then he proceeded by climbing on his lap. He then hugged his father resting his head on his chest. He said nothing and all of us watched in amazement, what was happening? Michael looked at us confused and he was... I think he was afraid. He did not know what to say.

"Jay, he is calm now. Let them speak." said Alex. "We will give you guys a room." he stared at his father and said, "Stop being judgmental, listen to what mom's got to say. Don't even think of harming her."

Michael was impressed by this boy had guts, after all he was more him than the others. He was scared that it would be hard to tame him. He was scared that his sons will not love him, that might have been the trigger of his anger and fear. He saw them and assumed the worst because what father would have been absent and have not known about them? He assumed that Em must have said something to them, certainly something not nice about him.

The bunch left the two, Emerald was fidgeting.

" I am sorry Michael about not telling you about them, I was scared and alone. I did what I had to do to survive and what was best for me and my children at that time. When I realised who you were, I got scared and I ran. I ran because I figured who would believe me? I was poor and still are, what was I supposed to do?" Emerald said.

Michael still said nothing, he just sat there and looked at her. He loved this girl with all his heart. His virgin girl, so not, he smiled. He remembers when he first read that letter, he was hurt and angry that she left but he understood. He understands now, but she still took away his chance of being a father. She took away a chance of him seeing his children, taking their first steps, first words, first everything. A tear slid down his cheek, he was hurt beyond repair and he wondered, will he forgive her for this?

" I know I hurt you, I took away your chance of being a father and I am sorry for that. I did what any parent who is scared of losing her children would do. I do not regret that Michael and I never will. I expressed my feelings of that night that we created those amazing babies and I meant every word. I did not say any bad things about you, I could not do such a thing. You don't have to worry about a thing, the boys will love you. I know that for a fact, I can let you cool down and we can talk after that" I said, I was walking away when he said " I am angry because you did not give me the opportunity to act the way, you assumed I would. I am not saying I would have acted like a jerk ass or not, but I feel that I deserved at least that much. I might come as a cold bastard and uptight but I knew what kind of person you are." he looked at me when he said all of this. He was hurt I could hear it from his words, the conviction was evident.

" I looked for you, I searched for months. Then I heard about what happened to your mom. I knew that you were in pain and that you had no one to share it with, I tried so hard but you just disappeared. I have resources but you knew how to be an outcast and you are good at it because they could not find you and all along you were here. I always think of you Emerald, I still have the letter you left for me and I carry it wherever I go. Somehow, in someway it made me feel I was close to you and that we still have a chance to meet again" He said with a vulnerable voice I never thought I would hear from him. "I was angry when I saw the boys because you judged me unfairly and based on other people's opinion and I suffered these years thinking I would never see you again." I was confused by his words. What was he saying to me? He was so crushed it just broke my heart to see him this way.

"Michael, I am confused. What are you saying?" he looked me in the eyes and I was left dumbfounded by the conviction in his eyes. He was in pain and he looked at me adoringly, I was surprised the man was cold and a proud one at that, but who I am looking at now is Michael not a businessman but a human being who is fighting demons that no one knew about. He looked scared " It means that I didn't want you to leave that day, I wanted to know you better. I knew that, when I made love to you. I never made love to anyone before and I knew that I was gone then. The only thing I regret is not telling you then, I was just confused and surprised at the way I behaved. I needed time to process it and I definitely knew though that I wanted you and I intended to make you mine then. Now I find out that I made beautiful kids with you and boys at that. I’ve never been so thrilled and proud but I acted drastically, I know I scared you. Please forgive me, Ok." I was crying, how could I have been so stupid? I knew back then that when he made love with me, that I meant something different. He was so tender with me and I should have known then. I was a mess now, I was literally sobbing on the ground and I was repeating the word sorry over and over again. I knew I loved the man, I knew that fateful day. He picked me up and held me in his arms whispering sweet nothings to me until I fell asleep.